UPG – Over there stuff

If you can’t tell this post will be a woo heavy one.

So to start this out, Seren Lebannen had a brilliant idea on how to show what she looks like Over There.

Continue reading “UPG – Over there stuff”

Ancestors-Hel

No, not like the Christian hell.

Goddess-Hel
not how I see her but I do enjoy the sweetness of this picture

She is definitely one of the Goddesses that gets little attention, and when she does people tend to think of her as evil. Why? Because people think anything associated with death is evil, except Death is the absolute Neutral. Personally in pagan religions, I don’t really see “evil” as a thing (in reference to Gods, people can definitely be evil). There is light and dark. Both need to be worked with or there is no balance. But that’s getting off topic.

Hel (means Hidden in Old Norse), the Goddess of the dead, daughter of Loki and Angrboda, born in the Ironwood.

She is known as Hel, Hela, Halja, or (some say) Leikin (the name the Alfar call her, not sure on that one though). The Goddess to whom “all is seen”.

There isn’t much in the way of information about her in the lore. The most prominent story is that of her involvement in the story of Baldur’s death.

Following the death of Baldur, the goddess Frigga sends Hermóðr to offer Hel ransom. Hermóðr begs Hel to allow his brother to return home, because Baldur is so loved by the gods of the Æsir. Hel tells him only if all things in the world, alive or dead, weep for him, then he will be allowed to return to the Æsir. A female jotun refused so He stayed.

The prominence to this (though most only pay attention to the Loki part) is that even the Gods are not above Death.

She has the wolf Garm who resides in Gnipahellir, sometimes used interchangeably with Her brother Fenrir (which my belief is He doesn’t guard Helheim like Garm but does work with His sister), as one of the gaurds. The other being Modgud.

Garm is a new one to me. Most of what I see really equates him with Fenrir so I am pretty iffy about Him. They say to appease him you give him a piece of cake, but only after you have already given bread to the poor.

Modgud, called the Guardian Goddess, gaurds the bridge (Giallarbru) over the river Gjoll which leads to Helheim. Not finding much on Her so far.

I also see Hel as having a nature aspect. In modern times (especially for pagans) we have a romanticized view of nature. We see it as this sort of beautiful thing. Nature is beautiful, yes, but it is also dangerous, unfeeling and always renewing itself. I think of Hel having a nature aspect in the death of things to make room for the new. Animals die, rot in the earth to provide nutrients for new life. The forest fires that clear out the dead from the forest floor and enriches the soil for new growth. Death is a very important part of the cycle in Life. It is a necessity.

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I do not by any means think I am any kind of expert on the Lady of Death.  I don’t really even have a working relationship with Her at the moment. I’m doing what I always do. Research.

Why am I including Her in the Ancestor series? Because She is the one that cares for Them.

There is this romanticized notion in the Heathen community that we all want to go to Valhalla. That really isn’t realistic, especially in modern times. Our ancestors, before Christianization (which the Christian ancestors are a different story and will be touched on a later post) didn’t all die in battle and most likely didn’t get claimed by a certain God to take to Their hall. That leaves only Helheim, where Hel cares for them.

Here is a little information. This will probably be updated as I find out more, still in early stages of research. Keep in mind I didn’t create this list.

  • Colors: Black, white
  • Symbols: Skull, red roses, dried roses, bones, “Day of the Dead”-type skeleton images
  • Altar suggestions: Skulls, skeleton images, grave rubbings, skeletal hands, bones, dried roses, black shrouds, black mirror, black and white candles, plantain leaves, rue, wormwood, yarrow, yew, the runes Ear (sometimes combined with Raido for the Helroad) and Hagalaz, sometimes Othala. It is not uncommon for a Hel altar to be an ancestor harrow as well, with pictures of and offerings to one’s own beloved Dead.
  • Food and drink: Tea, good wine, apples (Hel has an orchard of Her own); meat, bread, soup, meals that your ancestors would have liked, blood; good quality chocolate, coffee beans. Hel likes dried, well-preserved flowers, especially dried roses. She also likes blood, as do all the Death deities. Some people offer her tea, or food that can sit on an altar and rot. (Don’t take it away until it is entirely desiccated, no matter what happens.) Don’t approach her altar with an unhealthy attitude toward death and decay.

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When I am finally able to set up my Ancestor Altar (money is the issue on buying stuff for it), Hel will definitely have a special place.

She will be touched on more as I go through this series, and I maybe even start up a relationship with Her.

I’ve met Her once. I see her as being half pale and half blue-black (think frostbite), the pale half having darker dirty blonde hair and the blue-black half with almost white hair. She is quite beautiful, but forces you to look at the not so beautiful aspects of Death right in the face.

If any of you have more information (or if anything you see here is inaccurate) please share.

Hail the Goddess of the Dead.

Until next time loves!

The Hunt, the Huntress and the Thunderer

Big topic right now considering how early The Hunt started.

I’m going to dance around it a bit.

Building my relationship back up with Thor has been going pretty well so far. It’s definitely slow goings with Him being very busy with what is going on, but still going. I was not doing so good the past few days and He was actually babying me quite a bit yesterday. As a thank you I have a nice new shiny Mjolnir coming in the mail. He told me it wasn’t necessary. The one I normally wear is the first one I got. I’m not getting rid of it by any means, it has sentimental value now. But it is getting old and getting kind of dingy. Not to mention it’s more of a symbol of the relationship almost starting anew (getting the new one I mean).

The closer we have been getting again the more I feel The Hunt. I’ve been getting antsy. Most nights I’ve been getting plenty of sleep but still wake up exhausted. I have a feeling some astral stuff has been going on while I’m asleep but I can never remember any of it.

I almost feel The Hunt calling. It may have some to do with my origins in the Wolf Tribe of Vanaheim. They play a pretty big part in The Hunt. I don’t really feel like I know enough about it though to really be able to talk too much about it.

When Thor comes to me though, he seems kind of exhausted. He has definitely been busy.

Skadi’s energy has been becoming more prominent to me as of late. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it was more in passing. She is calling me to Her again. My reaction is “well Your mark is still on my arm so of course!” She loves The Hunt. She is almost giddy which is really entertaining.

When She left me, I was really sad. She isn’t the warmest most affectionate Jotun, but she really helped me to get through a really hard time. She didn’t do this by babying me, She kicked my ass in gear. I still feel a fierce loyalty to her.

Freya’s reaction to The Hunt? Imagine a gorgeous blond with brilliant blue eyes in a sort of Shieldmaiden outfit skipping with a sword. That pretty well describes it. I’ve never seen her like this before.

Fenrir seems to be avoiding it all, but is trying his best to make up for the time that Thor is gone.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

Until next time loves.

Happy Freya’s Day!

Wolf’s gifts for the Wolf

So everything is done and received. Got my candle, and finished my little project for Fenrir.

If you have been keeping up with my evolving relationship with Fenrir, I promised him an answer to whether or not I would marry him once I got the candle. Got the candle, had to answer. Answer was a tentative yes (which had him pouting for awhile), with a long engagement. He knows I’m wanting to work on my relationship with Thor more before taking that step, but I love him. I may be a little bit of a commitment-phobe to be honest. Even with my boyfriend on this side of the fence, I have to fight the urge to run sometimes.

Without further or do, pictures!

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This is the candle for Fenrir I commissioned Beth to make. She is always good about working with me on the scents for custom candles. I usually know colors, but scent is something I have no idea about. She always has good options and they always work out great. I told her I wanted something woodsy, and she came up with fir needle, black pine, and cedar wood. I love it.

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I wear this just about everyday. I bought it off Seb. It went on sale at just the right moment. It is made with dark Labradorite (which is one of my favorite stones). There is some flash on the beads but they are really had to capture without spending more time on it than I really have.

And my project for Him!

*insert drum roll*

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This is the first necklace I have ever made.

The pendant is hand carved out of Ziricote (type of wood from South America) and finished with a lacquer. Not only do I love the image of the howling wolf but the wood pendant is a nod to his roots being born in the iron wood.

The large beads are labradorite which have an amazing flash to them. The smaller being smoky quartz with hematite spacers.

Honestly, the necklace was very influenced by both Beth and Sebastian. But he was wanting it specially made by my own hands (normally I buy stuff from them, only way I’m artistic usually is sketching).

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I’m really proud of how it turned out. At first it was a little rocky. I had to order all the beads and the pendant online so that can be semi risky (no really good local places to get that kind of stuff). The smoky quartz beads were actually smaller than they were supposed to so I had to reconsider my original plan of design. It actually turned out better this way than I originally planned (Fenrir: I know what I’m doing, thank you).

Now guess who wants a necklace made too?

Freya: *waiving spastically*

Me: You’re lucky I love you.

Freya: *laughs maniacally*

Thor is good, he’s getting a tattoo.

Until next time loves.

Happy Mani’s Day!

Two Wolves and the Thunderer Part II

There was a whole part of the conversation with Thor last night that I completely forgot.

Was going to add it to the last post but eh, just making a second one.

After the conversation with Him about our relationship, I asked him about how he felt about me possibly marrying Fenrir. With this one he was a bit more direct.

I ended up pulling Strength.

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Not only is he not against it but he thinks it will be beneficial to both of us He believes I will “tame” him and that he will make me stronger, that we will tear down each others bindings.

It was an unexpected card for me.

By the way, the reason I decided to do this through tarot cards instead of just talk to them like I normally would is to avoid my own thought getting in the way or tainting their opinions. Now the tarot cards give more of a general answer that you have to actually relate to the question at hand, but the general answer will steer you in the correct direction.

This is probably my shortest post to date.

Two Wolves and the Thunderer

So with all this stuff going on with Fenrir, I haven’t talked much about Thor.

For the new viewers at home, Thor was the first of the Norse to come into my life and he had very much approached me. It was at a time when I was trying to find what religion would be right for me after falling out of Wicca (the gateway to being pagan for most). I had briefly looked at the Norse Path, and apparently grabbed his attention, deciding to bust down the door.

Fenrir is a lot newer as far as the Gods in my life, but he really likes pushing things forward quickly.

With Fenrir being very obvious about wanting marriage, I have been worried about how Thor might feel about this. I had previously made it very clear about not wanting to be a godspouse. Now, I’m not so sure on it.

Yesterday being His day, I had a sit down with him. I whipped out Tarot Illuminati again. I’m not going to get into the specific cards this time because there were several. I really just asked him what he is wanting to become/ get out of our relationship.

I had to pull several cards because this one was a bit more complicated. With Fenrir, the card I pulled was incredibly obvious so I didn’t feel the need to go any further.

Here’s what came of it.

With Fenrir coming into the picture, Thor has kind of taken a side step back. I was getting a bit of the new shiny thing syndrome. Thor and I need to renew our relationship, strengthen our bond. He is wanting an oath, but he also needs me to push aside my fears. The fears that I’ll end up being more of a god slave than godspouse. The he will demand my life, spiritual and mundane, become all about him and that I won’t have any freedom anymore. The fear that I won’t be able to choose anymore. In all of this, I have to make the decision on what will happen.

I promised Fenrir that once his candle comes in I will give him an answer. But, we have now made an agreement that if I agree to marriage, it won’t happen for awhile. Not until I get my relationship with Thor completely back on track. So, if I agree it’s going to be more like an engagement.

There is also a chance it may end up being a sort of three way wedding.

I have agreed to a blood oath with Thor. He has been in my life so long it kind of just seems like an about time situation (just like with my Profession). I will being doing this in the form of a tattoo. I have issues with hurting myself on purpose (Gods know I’ve done it plenty of time on accident), I just can’t get myself to do it. Even something as simple as pricking my finger.

So now, I need to start saving up for the tattoo and figure out exactly what I will get for Him. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

Today the boys are giving me a break, minus a quickly with Thor this morning. Freya is spending some time with me, helping me with this possible adjustment. Honestly, I’m incredibly nervous.

Until next time loves. Happy Freya day!

The Wolf and the Cups

So, as you may recall from my previous post, things are getting a bit on the complicated side with Fenrir.

Last night, I decided to do a simple one card tarot pull to try to confirm what I’ve been feeling (confirmation is always a good thing). Fenrir specifically requested I use my Tarot Illuminati deck.

that is the priestess card. gorgeous right?
that is the priestess card. gorgeous right?

Simple question, what does Fenrir want to come of our relationship.

Guess what card I pulled.

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Ten of cups.

Just looking at the imagery it is pretty obvious.

I pulled it and looked at him and he just had this smirk on his face. I groaned and looked up the meaning per the book.

With the Tarot Illuminati deck, each minor arcana has a name and the ten of cups is call “The Happily Ever After”.

Could you be any more fucking obvious wolf boy? (Fenrir: That’s Mr. Wolf Boy to you.)

The description story just talked about a couple that met, fell in love and got married.

Well, that’s kind of that. No more room to question it.

I moved on and went back to my Mystic Faerie Tarot to ask Freya how she felt about it.

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The knave of wands.

The description was about the knave always waiting before taking a risk to make sure what ever he does, he does it perfectly. But this waiting causes him to miss opportunities.

Thank Freya, for holding up the mirror for me. It does sound so a lot like me. Literally what I was doing yesterday was reading up on being a godspouse. Trying to find as much information as I could find. Research, it’s what I do. All the while Fenrir sitting behind me, shoulder reading. At first he poked my cheek and called me a nerd.

Honestly, with all the research I’ve been doing it really started to push the fact that I don’t really feel it’s right for me. I don’t know if I could make an astral relationship take precedence over a relationship this side of the fence. I haven’t talked about him much but I am still with my boyfriend who I refer to as batman. That relationship is going on four months now.

I know Freya isn’t wanting me to keep pondering this but it is in my nature. I’ll be discussing more with Fenrir on how this will pan out if I agree to it.

In the mean time more research. Especially since I told Him I’d give him an answer when the candle I special ordered for him comes in, and I just got a notification that the candle shipped.

Until next time my loves.

Things are Escalating

So things have escalated with Mr. Fenrir this past week.

Since Frey has been hanging around Fenrir has gotten rather territorial. I have to get on to him a bit about it sometimes. He is improving though.

I’m ordering a special made candle for him and I’m also working on my own project for him. I’m not telling what it is. I’ve ordered the materials, just have to wait for them to come in.

We spent a lot of time together over the weekend.

I learned that he likes older/classic rock. He really seems to like Zeppelin and The Who, as well as Journey.

After a bit of nooky time we both had a smoke and I was playing my iHeart radio Journey channel and it was nothing but love ballads. He just kind of sat there smiling, smoking his cigarette while I gave him the side eye.

That night I had a dream about a scene mentioned here. It’s about a spirit-worker that horsed Fenrir. They started out with him being chained up. In the dream I was there this happened. The moment Fenrir came through, he realized he was bound and instantly became savage. At the beginning I was kind of in the middle of the crowd surrounding the man. Once he went savage I quickly pushed my way to the front. To him. I was screaming at the ones that bound him, calling them monsters as they try to stop me from approaching the savage and bound man. I got close to him and he instantly stopped. He looked at me with such sorrow in his dark brown eyes. I went to him and held him, and he wept. Whimpering “why did they do this to me? What have I done to deserve this?” As he wept I slowly undid the chains.

I feel like this was Fenrir’s way of showing me how he feels about it.

For awhile now I’ve been getting the “I want to take things to the next level” feels from Fenrir. Previously I had made a point with Thor that I wasn’t interested in being a godspouse. Just didn’t feel like it was right for me as much as I love Thor (which by the way hasn’t changed at all). But Fenrir is much more interested in it and there have been hints about children, which that is a whole other story.

Our relationship is very different from the relationship I have with Thor. So taking things to the next level will not mean I loose Thor in any way shape or form and Fenrir is very much aware of this fact. That said, I’m starting to think I might actually be able to go that far with Fenrir.

Freya is giving the thumbs up on the whole thing too.

Updates as they come.

Happy Mani’s day. Until next time loves.

The Golden One and the Wolf

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I’ve seen this on Facebook a lot and it cracks me up. Happy Friday.

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So since starting my work with Freya I have kind of had wisps of Frey’s presence. Freya once told me the honeysuckles at the edge of my yard were courtesy of Frey (my favoritest smell in the world is honeysuckle). I hadn’t actually met him until when I did my Profession. Freya had brought him along and we kind of clicked right away.

Frey has been nothing but sweet since our meeting. During the little dance that I had with some of Them, Frey spun me around and did a little dip. Made me a bit dizzy. He is very loving and cuddly. He seems to love resting his head on my shoulder.

Frey and his sister are a like in some aspects and opposites in others.

They are both seen as being deities of fertility but Freya is more of animal fertility and Freya is more of plant life/crops.

They are both very much on the affectionate side.

Freya is more boisterous compares to Frey who is a bit more subdued (at least to me).

He also seems to like the blueberry green tea I drink almost every day, though he seems to like green tea in general.

As how he appears to me? This image is really damn close, maybe a bit more on the muscular side. Him and Freya have the same eyes, beautiful blue.

As of yet, that is about all I can tell you. I don’t know where this is going or his plans for me just yet. As usual, time will eventually tell. He seems to be invested in me doing work with the Wolf Tribe, much more than any of the Others so that might be part of it.

As normal, I will post updates as they occur.

As  I said before, I’m getting a candle for him from Beth. Haven’t picked an incense for him just yet.

I guess this mean I’ll have to update the “Gods in my life” page again. Jeez. They won’t stop coming (*snickers from the peanut gallery*).

Until next time my loves. Enjoy your Freya/Frey/Frigga Day! And keep it sexy.

My New Stuff

Here is some of the new stuff I got as promised.

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10 points to who can guess where this ring is from.

Guess it yet?

It’s Galadriel’s ring from Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit. From the side it kind of looks like a cupcake not going to lie.

See a part of my nail polish collection? I have way more than I need.

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My new drinking horn! I bought it off Fen at the Mead Day thing I went to. I’m still waiting for him to bring me my home brewed Strawberry Mead that unreliable bastard. In the background you can see my Freya candle (the front one, second from the top) from Beth. The scent is pure essential oils of amber, rosa damascena, and chocolate (similar to scent she uses for the perfume which I also have) and let me tell you it smells absolutely delicious! Plus the wood wicks are awesome. The candle closer to the back (the brighter one) is also from Beth but obviously not one she sells anymore. I’ve had it for quite sometime. It actually just stopped lighting for me today, so I’m buying a new one for him.

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And my new stuff for momma Frigga. Obviously, also from Beth. This candle is scented with lavender, vanilla, and sweet birch. It’s kind of a cozy but sweet smell, pretty perfect for her I think.

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I noticed while it was burning that the little sparkles on the candle were creating a rainbow. It was really pretty. I didn’t quite catch it though. Bummer.

Any who, the thing wrapped around the candle is my Frigga prayer beads from, you guessed it, Beth!

So somehow this post became an advertisement for Beth. Maybe I should start charging for this.

I kid I kid, I joke I joke.

If any of you remember the pictures of my sacred space before (what I call my non alter) there was a different cloth under. I just bought the new one. Trees. It was actually with Halloween stuff, but Halloween time is when I buy my regular décor. But I liked the trees and I thought it could be a way (for now) to incorporate Yggdrasil into the space. I’m running on a budget and I also can’t be too obvious with my stuff until I move out (living in a very Christian household does that).

I’ve ordered a Frey candle from Beth (still advertising) as well so just waiting on that since they are made to order. I will post on him becoming a part of my life as well. Might just take a bit.

Have been pretty busy.

As well as I will do a post on the Wolf Tribe. Still debating on doing recipes. Thinking maybe a recipe once a week on a set day. Any thoughts on doing that or requests are appreciated. Since most of them will be from my days in culinary school some of them might include a picture of what I actually made. I didn’t take that many pictures so no promises. Also planning on a post about being a Pagan/Heathen in the Bible belt and in a Christian house. Just my experience and some tips on how to cope.

Off topic. Checked the weather today. Next week is supposed to get into the 90’s. I just had to open my big mouth. But, like I said, with Missouri you can’t predict the weather too accurately. You can get four seasons in a week.

Until next time my loves.