Tarot Personalities

I’ve started becoming a collector of tarot decks. When you do this and spend time with each deck you start to learn that each deck has it’s own personality, and some will be more cooperative than others.

So let me go over what I have!

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So the first deck I ever got was the Ghosts and Spirits Tarot.

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It was gifted to me by my second oldest sister (the one that initially introduced me to pagan religions and taught me how, sort of, to do tarot readings) when I went up to visit them in Montana. There was a psychic fair going on. It was super small but there was some nifty stuff. My sister already knew at that point that I wanted to learn. They had a few decks, though most were oracle decks, and I really liked this one. So she got it for me. She had the belief that it is unlucky to buy your own decks, which I have found personally untrue.

It has really beautiful artwork in it that is very much on the dark side. That is really the best way to describe the deck, dark. That fit me at the time of receiving this deck (I want to say a couple years ago now) but not anymore. Each card has a story attached to it, one from folk lore from different parts of the world which makes the deck very interesting. But the energy just doesn’t really fit me anymore so I have only touched it once in the last year or so.

It has now requested to be wrapped in red velvet and tied with a black ribbon since I feel it disrespectful to just toss it.

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The next deck I got was Tarot Illuminati.

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I bought this one for myself at the only local metaphysical shop that I know of around where I live. When I first saw it I felt like my heart was just going to jump right out of my chest, so obviously I had no choice but to buy the deck.

I love the imagery in it, you really have to look at the cards because every single one has a lot of symbolism to it. Each different suit has inspiration from different eras/cultures. A lot of the minor arcana have more detailed stories to them what you normally find associated with the minor ones.

This deck is very straight forward and won’t just tell you what you want to hear. Sometimes when you try to consult it about one issue it will actually delve in and find something you have pushed back that needs to be addressed instead of what you asked. This is the one I go to when I really need true clarity.

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The next deck I got was the Mystic Faerie tarot.

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This is the most recent tarot deck I purchased. Got this one at the same store as the Tarot Illuminati. When I happened upon this deck what I got was a call, so I grabbed.

I enjoy the imagery in this one as well (I tend to be pretty visual). The fae of the major arcana really have their own very distinctive personalities and they have little background stories. The handy thing on this one is for the major arcana there are basically the gist of the meaning of the cards listed at the back of the book.

This deck tends to be very mischievous (like fae) and can be very vague which tends to cause me to turn to the Tarot Illuminati for clarity but it is still helpful. It’s fun to work with and I really do love it.

I keep a small rose quartz stone with the deck in the gossamer bag that came with it.

I have decided that I need to start consulting my cards each day as part of the changes I am trying to make to better myself. This will start after I do a good clean out in my room and of my altar, which I have now been told repeatedly to do. I’m going to completely reorganize and probably get rid of some stuff, a sort of early spring cleaning. I’m really going to try to get it done this weekend. Last weekend I planned on it but I ended up getting my time snatched up by different people. Not necessarily a bad thing considering I didn’t get to see other people much while I was still with my ex.

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For the Love of the Golden Goddess

Kind of going along the lines of the tarot reading I did for Thor and Fenrir, I decided might as well keep it going for all of the Gods in my life.

Next was Freya.

I haven’t talked too terribly much about her as of late but She is still very much an active member of my life.

I asked her what She would like out of our relationship. I was consulting my Mystic Faerie Tarot deck.

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The Eight of Cups was the first card I pulled.

Just for information purposes, if you aren’t particularly familiar with tarot, the cups cards are usually dealing with emotions.

In the Mystic Faerie tarot each card as a story about the faerie on the card. This one apparently fell in love with a wood elf that disappeared. The card depicting her looking for her beloved elf, having found a dragonfly as a companion that knows the homes of the elves.

 Are you kidding me? Thank you for being so obvious that the message is from you Lady.

In the “your message” section of the description of this card, it said basically you already know what needs to be done but you have to be brave enough to do it.

Well thanks for being semi cryptic. So I pulled another one for clarity.

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The Empress was the next one I pulled.

Interesting history with this card. When I did a reading for my older sister forever ago, her wanting to know if she is ever going to have children, this was her  future card. Was made pretty obvious that it was going to happen, she just needed to be patient and get her spending under control (the rest of that is from the rest of the card, pentacles was heavy in the spread, the money suit). She didn’t believe me, having convinced herself she was barren.  For the new players at home, she is in fact currently pregnant. I still need to perform for her the “I told you so” dance. If you don’t know what that is, its a dance Elliot from Scrubs does.

Any who, back on topic.

The Empress is very much about love and nurturing. This deck specifically talks about finding the beauty in what would normally be considered plain (the stalks of wheat).

When looking at the first card, I had my suspicions on what She was talking about, and The Empress confirmed it.

Since Freya has come into my life, she consistently forces me to look myself in the eye. Forces me to see my own beauty despite how painful it may be for me (and with my history, it is painful). And once I do that, I am shown the beauty in others. To revel in it. That is what she wants of me. To see the beauty in all things and to show others the same. To not be afraid to be loud about it, to go forward.

She feels I am even more qualified for this with my work with Thor and Fenrir, my work in strength and of unbinding.

To show the strength in beauty and the beauty in strength.

The other day, for the first time ever, I gave her an offering in tears.

A video was brought to my attention. A video of an over weight woman that stripped to just a bra and underwear in a crowded city square. She put a blind fold on herself, and held markers in her hands that were outstretched.

The amount of love she received really brought me to tears, and Freya asked for them which I lovingly obliged.

That is all I have on this for the moment.

Until next time loves.

Two Wolves and the Thunderer Part II

There was a whole part of the conversation with Thor last night that I completely forgot.

Was going to add it to the last post but eh, just making a second one.

After the conversation with Him about our relationship, I asked him about how he felt about me possibly marrying Fenrir. With this one he was a bit more direct.

I ended up pulling Strength.

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Not only is he not against it but he thinks it will be beneficial to both of us He believes I will “tame” him and that he will make me stronger, that we will tear down each others bindings.

It was an unexpected card for me.

By the way, the reason I decided to do this through tarot cards instead of just talk to them like I normally would is to avoid my own thought getting in the way or tainting their opinions. Now the tarot cards give more of a general answer that you have to actually relate to the question at hand, but the general answer will steer you in the correct direction.

This is probably my shortest post to date.

Two Wolves and the Thunderer

So with all this stuff going on with Fenrir, I haven’t talked much about Thor.

For the new viewers at home, Thor was the first of the Norse to come into my life and he had very much approached me. It was at a time when I was trying to find what religion would be right for me after falling out of Wicca (the gateway to being pagan for most). I had briefly looked at the Norse Path, and apparently grabbed his attention, deciding to bust down the door.

Fenrir is a lot newer as far as the Gods in my life, but he really likes pushing things forward quickly.

With Fenrir being very obvious about wanting marriage, I have been worried about how Thor might feel about this. I had previously made it very clear about not wanting to be a godspouse. Now, I’m not so sure on it.

Yesterday being His day, I had a sit down with him. I whipped out Tarot Illuminati again. I’m not going to get into the specific cards this time because there were several. I really just asked him what he is wanting to become/ get out of our relationship.

I had to pull several cards because this one was a bit more complicated. With Fenrir, the card I pulled was incredibly obvious so I didn’t feel the need to go any further.

Here’s what came of it.

With Fenrir coming into the picture, Thor has kind of taken a side step back. I was getting a bit of the new shiny thing syndrome. Thor and I need to renew our relationship, strengthen our bond. He is wanting an oath, but he also needs me to push aside my fears. The fears that I’ll end up being more of a god slave than godspouse. The he will demand my life, spiritual and mundane, become all about him and that I won’t have any freedom anymore. The fear that I won’t be able to choose anymore. In all of this, I have to make the decision on what will happen.

I promised Fenrir that once his candle comes in I will give him an answer. But, we have now made an agreement that if I agree to marriage, it won’t happen for awhile. Not until I get my relationship with Thor completely back on track. So, if I agree it’s going to be more like an engagement.

There is also a chance it may end up being a sort of three way wedding.

I have agreed to a blood oath with Thor. He has been in my life so long it kind of just seems like an about time situation (just like with my Profession). I will being doing this in the form of a tattoo. I have issues with hurting myself on purpose (Gods know I’ve done it plenty of time on accident), I just can’t get myself to do it. Even something as simple as pricking my finger.

So now, I need to start saving up for the tattoo and figure out exactly what I will get for Him. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

Today the boys are giving me a break, minus a quickly with Thor this morning. Freya is spending some time with me, helping me with this possible adjustment. Honestly, I’m incredibly nervous.

Until next time loves. Happy Freya day!

The Wolf and the Cups

So, as you may recall from my previous post, things are getting a bit on the complicated side with Fenrir.

Last night, I decided to do a simple one card tarot pull to try to confirm what I’ve been feeling (confirmation is always a good thing). Fenrir specifically requested I use my Tarot Illuminati deck.

that is the priestess card. gorgeous right?
that is the priestess card. gorgeous right?

Simple question, what does Fenrir want to come of our relationship.

Guess what card I pulled.

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Ten of cups.

Just looking at the imagery it is pretty obvious.

I pulled it and looked at him and he just had this smirk on his face. I groaned and looked up the meaning per the book.

With the Tarot Illuminati deck, each minor arcana has a name and the ten of cups is call “The Happily Ever After”.

Could you be any more fucking obvious wolf boy? (Fenrir: That’s Mr. Wolf Boy to you.)

The description story just talked about a couple that met, fell in love and got married.

Well, that’s kind of that. No more room to question it.

I moved on and went back to my Mystic Faerie Tarot to ask Freya how she felt about it.

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The knave of wands.

The description was about the knave always waiting before taking a risk to make sure what ever he does, he does it perfectly. But this waiting causes him to miss opportunities.

Thank Freya, for holding up the mirror for me. It does sound so a lot like me. Literally what I was doing yesterday was reading up on being a godspouse. Trying to find as much information as I could find. Research, it’s what I do. All the while Fenrir sitting behind me, shoulder reading. At first he poked my cheek and called me a nerd.

Honestly, with all the research I’ve been doing it really started to push the fact that I don’t really feel it’s right for me. I don’t know if I could make an astral relationship take precedence over a relationship this side of the fence. I haven’t talked about him much but I am still with my boyfriend who I refer to as batman. That relationship is going on four months now.

I know Freya isn’t wanting me to keep pondering this but it is in my nature. I’ll be discussing more with Fenrir on how this will pan out if I agree to it.

In the mean time more research. Especially since I told Him I’d give him an answer when the candle I special ordered for him comes in, and I just got a notification that the candle shipped.

Until next time my loves.

New Moon, New Beginnings

Last night I did another reading with my faerie deck. This time I got the Priestess (finally they got past the Devil).

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This card has really interesting timing on it.

I’m planning on doing my official Profession tonight. My dedication to the realms of Asgard, Vanaheim, and Mani (who I consider to be outside of those realms). I got special made candles from Nono (aka Sebastian), which are awesome. I actually ended up with two Mani candles though the purchase was for only three candles. The second one was smaller so I’m thinking it was left over stuff.

Now, my dedication is not something I’m saying anyone else should do, but it just felt right to me. And this card really showed me that it is right.

In the description it talked about the Priestess being near an oak, which is a tree that does tend to be associated with Thor. And for the new viewers at home, Thor is really the one that brought me on this path.

As a matter of fact, August 2nd was the anniversary of that meeting.

So, it’s about time that I do this and just feels right.

Bound

So awhile back I had gotten a new tarot deck, the Mystic Faerie Tarot.

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pretty artwork

It is my third deck since I started working with Tarot cards about 3-4 years ago (I don’t really remember anymore).

My first deck was a very dark deck (which really fit my sort of depressed demeanor at the time) all about spirits and the dead. Just about every card had a very dark ominous message. The next deck was a bit more basic but had beautiful artwork, the Illuminati deck.

I’ve had it for a while but I’ve finally started messing around with it. From my learning process the best way to get to know a deck is by doing a daily (at least) one card reading for yourself. This faerie deck has a very different feel to it. This deck seems to be very much on the mischievous and sometimes sarcastic side with me.

When I do daily one card readings usually I’ll just ask a general “What message do They have for me?” unless there is something really pressing on my mind.

The past two nights in a row I’ve gotten The Devil.

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The Devil card has a lot to do with being bound, usually by a vice or obsession with a certain kind of pleasure. That’s not what the message this card holds for me.

What’s binding me?

My fear.

My fear of failing, of embarrassing myself, of showing the world my true self, and sometimes even of succeeding and what I would do with that success.

I didn’t think of this at first when I picked the card and read the little description of the book (I already know the major arcana pretty well but each tarot deck always has a sort of different version and if the deck is themed it usually has story behind it). I was just kind of staring at the card when I got pokes and heard “fear”. It was Fenrir poking me.

This is coming at a time where my dream of opening my own shop has been surfacing again. I believe I’ve mentioned it in a post before. I have a dream of opening my own metaphysical/pagan shop. Like a brick and mortar one. I do live in the bible belt but it seems (especially with this new generation) the pagan numbers here are on the rise. But recently I’ve had a lot of stuff about pagan opening pagan shops come to my attention (mostly via Facebook). It was something I’ve pretty well pushed to the back burner for awhile.

Originally my plan was to have it be me and my best friend, but per usual my older sister had to get involved by showing interest. I have, recently, though booted her out. My younger brother has officially left Wicca and is joining the Kemetic path. I’ve been helping him out as much as possible, but I only know so much. It started with him starting a relationship with Bast, then Anubis has decided to claim him as well. He decided to talk to my sister and my brother-in-law about it. Didn’t go well.

My brother-in-law told him he is crazy for having interactions with Them, and my sister felt the need to tell him his religion has “caused a lot of pain”. My brother-in-law  is one of those that thinks he knows everything. Since my brother decided being pagan was right for him my brother-in-law has been feeding him bullshit information, like him having so many crystals will mess him up. My sister just goes right along with it even though she is not pagan and really knows nothing about any kind of pagan religion except the few questions she has asked me. She just goes with everything he says because that’s the way she has always been. She is very weak of mind, and has no individuality of her own.

By the way, what she meant by “causing a lot of pain” is referring to the Hebrew babies that the Egyptians killed. Now, I can’t speak too terribly much about this since I haven’t really done any historical fact checking about that particular bit from the bible. But lets go with the assumption that it is true. It had absolutely nothing to do with religion. It was about keeping their population down to make sure no uprising could occur. This is the type of stuff she does, jumps on something she really doesn’t understand.

And that is why she will have nothing to do with my shop. I will not have her talk that way or have that kind of energy around my customers. Period.

So…..I went a bit off subject.

Fear.

I am 22 years old and I’ve almost had an anxiety attack over having to set an eye doctor appointment so I can get contacts. Why? Because I have never done it before and didn’t know all they information they needed when I tried to set an appointment online. I have a fear of making myself look or sound like an idiot. Not incredibly rational but there it is. It is also something I will definitely need to get over if I want to go into business for myself one day.

That is really the root of the work Fenrir is doing with me. And he would be an expert about being bound because of fear (not his own fear of course). He says he wants to make me into an Alpha, but really is wanting me to take full control of my life.

Last night when I got The Devil card, it was a “I fucking get it!” moment. Weirded me out though, I have never gotten a tarot card twice in a row like that before, and I did do a thorough shuffle.

Death – the card and the Gods

Here I’m going to talk about a few things.

There are a couple things that inspired this. Mostly when I was introducing Shadow to a bit of the lore on Loki when he became interested in her.

Loki is truly the most complicated in the Nordic path (in my eyes anyhow), undoubtedly the most hated as a general rule.

I was going through as many of the stories as I could off the top of my head while we were taking a trip together to one of the very few pagan type stores anywhere near where we live. I explained to her that when she does look more into it, to not to take the actions of Loki in the coming Ragnarök personally.

Ragnarök is a bit of a complicated subject. A lot tend to believe that it is a Christian invention, putting an end to our Gods to start anew with the “Adam and Eve” type surviving.

Let’s go with it not being a Christian invention for the sake of the rest of my explanation.

This is my feelings on it. It’s destined, and even the All Father knows it can’t be changed. It is the end of the old and the beginning of new and presumably better. You can’t start with the new if the old isn’t completely destroyed, however painful that may be. As well as with human nature, we need a bad guy. We need someone that we can point our finger at and say, that’s the one, he’s evil and the one the good guy(s) go against. This feeling almost clashes with the want to find something good in the villain. To love and hate the person, not just love to hate.

This brings me to the title of this post – Death, referring to the ever ominous tarot card. Typically shown in horror movies in the dun dun Dun! moment, showing whoever was dealt that card that they were going to die. Obviously, that’s in the movies, not reality. This perception though, has colored the view of this card. When I do readings, I always explain that the card is simply the end of something to give way to a new beginning. It is not to be feared. The end of whatever that is may be painful; you just have to hold on until it’s through and look forward to the new beginnings it will bring.

Personally I don’t fear death. It’s an inevitability. No point in fearing it, when it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. For me, I see one of two possibilities. One, reincarnation, a possible new adventure. Two, most likely Helheim. This is where my inexperience really comes into play. From my understanding, generally Helheim is peaceful, unless you were a honorless asshole. Then, well, Hel may have other plans for you. Doesn’t seem so scary to me. Either way, something new and possibly better.

Moral of the story here: to me, Loki, Hel and Death (the card) are all misunderstood as something or someone to be feared or hated.

If you take everything at face value, you will never get any depth.

 

Heathenry – A Journey

Just going to talk a little about the path I’m currently on and how I got there.

It really started when I was a child. I grew up in a Christian home (it is still very much the case), going to Church on Sunday mornings and church group Sunday nights and sometimes Wednesdays. I always felt like an outsider. No matter what I did I just felt like I didn’t belong. I thought something was wrong with me. I felt like I was a bad person for not being able to connect to this religion. I didn’t know I had other options and I thought that this is just what I was supposed to do, being a Christian, love God, and enjoy going to church. It just never connected. The more I tried to force it, the more it seemed like it was getting worse. I would try to avoid going to church at all costs, only ever feeling like I was being judged by everyone there.  This went on for quite some time.

Going to stop for a moment to explain a bit about my family situation. My biological father and mother are not together. My father actually lives in a different state along with my two oldest sisters, we will call them D (the second oldest) and P (the oldest). P and I aren’t particularly close, though we don’t have any issues. D and I, though, are very close. Everyone says that I am just like her, including my mother. Every time I go up there to visit them I always end up staying with her.

 I’ve gone up there twice to stay the summer, and twice (now having a job) for just a week. D would give me tarot reading and she introduced me to Wicca. At this point I knew only a little about Pagan religions in general, though I never really thought of being pagan as an option.  She taught me how to give readings (something I’ve found I’m very good at and still continue to do) and really just got me interested. I jumped on the Wiccan wagon instantly. Thinking “I’m a feminist, the main deity is the Goddess, this makes so much sense!” I jumped in knowing very little. Just knowing I love being involved with crystals, and want to do witchcraft and it just seemed perfect. (At this point I still didn’t know about other Pagan religions.) I started telling people I was a Wiccan, liking Wiccan pages on Facebook, basically diving right in whole heartedly. Then I started doing research, wanting to make sure I was doing things properly. The more research I did, the more I realized, once again I found a religion that I didn’t really connect with. Nothing personal against Wicca, it just isn’t for me.

At the same time I was sort of involved with this guy (very complicated situation that I may talk about at a later time), will just call him Fen (he’s a follower of Fenrir. Gotta love all the parenthesis). He sort of introduced me to Heathenry, sort of. He put it on my radar more or less. This, after finding out that my family (from my father’s side) descended from Vikings. On the cover of the book about my family history there is a picture of a Viking long ship! I was sort of looking around, trying to find what piqued my interest and I really connected with.  It was between Heathenry and the Celtic tradition. Spending most of my free time researching both(making sure I didn’t just jump into something this time), when someone decided to pay me a visit.

Thor decided to bust into my dreams and claim me. At first I was confused on what was going on, Fen being absolutely no help what so ever. I continued research, and came across some blogs from Godspouses, and it all clicked. Let me clear this up right now, I am not a Godspouse (not that I’m saying it is a bad thing to be one), just a follower with an interesting relationship with a God. I will post more about that later.

And there you have it folks, the rest is history as they say. This is kind of the general idea of my journey, I will get more into my relationship with some of the Gods that decide to pop into my life as well as the one with Thor.