Just Wow

So this weekend was eventful.

Friday I went with my friend Batman to see Avengers Age of Ultron, which was awesome! If you haven’t seen it yet, go see it right meow!

Saturday I went out and celebrated my best friend’s 21st birthday. This is the friend that I have had for almost 14 years.

This is the same friend that I celebrated the 2013/2014 New Year with.

That night we were both drinking (yea illegal, I know) at a party thrown by a friend we had both known for a long time, along with our DD because we are careful. Most of the people there were friends of his that we didn’t know. Bonfire, drinking, live music, it was awesome.

Throughout the night though, she was getting drunker than she should be and by the end of the night she was sick.

Going back to Saturday night, she was pretty good and buzzed. Not quite drunk but getting there. She was on medication so she couldn’t drink too much.

Being a little out there she divulged some information that I think she was trying to hide from me.

She told me that at New Years party, someone was trying to spike my drink and ended up getting hers instead.

I was in shock.

Who comes to a friend’s party with the mentality of “better bring something just in case I find a girl there I want to drug and rape”. I really couldn’t get over it. Thank the Gods for our DD. The friend throwing the party had an open invitation to anyone who drank to spend the night so no one was driving drunk. If we didn’t have our DD we would have been spending the night there and who knows what would have happened to me.

After the shock subsided, I was pretty shaken up (understandable looking at my history), and then I went to flat out pissed. I wanted to know who it was. All I got was “[friend’s name who threw the party] took care of it”. Not good enough for me.

I told Fen about it (and he was none too happy either) to try to see if he can find out who it was. Not only was the one that threw the party a good friend of his but the little bit of information I got was the person was a friend of Fen’s younger brother.

Nothing ended up happening, so obviously I can’t press charges. I still feel the need for some sort of retribution, Freya is calling for it.

This person was attempting to use a drug to take away my right over my own body.

I’m furious that it’s over a year later and I’m just finding out. Furious that this happened in a place I would have considered “safe”. Furious that no one will tell me who the perpetrator is.

Just serves as a sobering reminder that you really can’t trust people. Even if it is a place where you wouldn’t think someone would try to drug you, make sure you watch your drink at all times and have a DD.

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Slut Shaming

So I found out this morning that my 11 year old niece is being called a slut by here classmates.

Seriously?

She is 11!

Just really ticks me off. Not only because she is my niece (which is a big part of it) but because slut shaming is starting so young.

My niece, just like me, developed early. For some reason that makes you perfect for bullying, especially from other girls. Like there is some kind of assumption that you have control over your own body and you wanted to develop before anyone else so you could get all the boys’ attention.

This is something so rampant in today’s society and it’s pretty obvious why. It’s a Christian concept.

I was on Facebook the other day, and on my news feed there was this article called “Spirit Husbands”. I thought well that makes sense, lets read this!

It was a Christian article, telling women that sex toys, porn, and masturbation are keeping God from finding them a good husband. That this behavior attracts some sort of sexual demon that attaches to you. So throw away all your sex toys, porn, and clear your thoughts of anything sexual!

Ugh!

I started reading the comments, and I was a little proud (though some pissed me off). There were a lot of women complaining about this being directed only towards women. There were some women agreeing with this, and every man that commented was agreeing.

It’s a pretty old way of thinking. Women’s sexuality is demonized (in this case quite literally) but male sexuality is perfectly normal and more so, expected.

A woman that can pleasure herself, doesn’t need a man to do so. Therefore, she has power over her own body. We can’t have that!

*I interrupt this rant with a disclaimer: Obviously men are not just good for sexual purposes, a good man can offer good companionship and someone who can fight by your side. This rant is about sexuality, so that is what I’m going to be talking about here*

Sexuality is supposed to be a male thing. If it’s masculine that means there is power behind it. Power women are not supposed to have.

Society is very slowly becoming more sex positive but it is slow goings.

People don’t seem to realize that this view point causes harm to men too.

That men are seen as purely sexual creatures, means that any time they are sexually assaulted or raped it is shrugged off. “Men love sex, how could they not enjoy that?”

Hate to break it to y’all, but men don’t always want sex. Hel, there are some men who identify as asexual.

Men are allowed to not want sex, just as much as women are allowed to want it.

This stupid shit needs to stop.

Per usual, I feel like this post was a little scattered, so I hope everyone can follow my crazy train of thought.

Women, please stop!

Feminists tend to get a bad rep for being men haters, so I’m going to get on women a bit. This is going to include just some of my own personal pet peeves, but mostly going to be genuine issues that are really just hurting women as a whole in their fight to be seen as equals. Also some of the stuff women do to put men down, which hurts equality for women too though you may not realize it. Being equal does not mean put others down or taking away from others.

When a guy comes up to you and starts flirting with you, or maybe even hitting on you, unless he is actually being rude and/or obnoxious about it, your first reaction should not be to be a complete bitch and/or put him down. With some guys, it may have taken a lot of courage for him to approach you. All you have to do is say “I’m sorry, I’m not interested,” in a polite tone. Now, if he keeps pushing it, by all means do what you need to do to get him to leave you alone. You’ve already made it clear you’re not interested, obviously you will need to be a bit more rough to get the point through. Most of the time though, if you are polite, it won’t take any more than that.

Stop judging other women’s bodies or what they choose to put on said body. If she is comfortable enough to go out in what she is wearing, it is her decision to put what she wants on her own body. The media is probably already telling her that she needs to lose weight; she doesn’t need your help. Just mind your own business.

Stop compliment fishing. If someone wants to compliment you, they will. If they feel they have to it isn’t going to be genuine either. Asking if something is nice or looks nice is a different story. Asking if that dress makes you look fat or makes your butt look big is dumb. No one is going to tell you that it does so obviously you just want to be told you look good. Stop it.

This one is aimed at feminists. If a guy opens a door for you or pulls out your chair, the appropriate response is “thank you” not “I can do it myself” or any other form of being rude. He isn’t trying to make you seem weak, he is being polite. I hold doors open for other people all the time, men and women both. It isn’t because I don’t think they can open the door themselves, it’s just a nice thing to do.

If you are a feminist yet still jam out to rap, the most women objectifying genre, shut your mouth. If you are shaking your ass to “skeet, skeet, skeet” (if you don’t know what that word means, look it up) than you don’t then get to turn around and say men only look at women as sexual objects. Why? Because you are helping perpetrate that kind of mind set. Going out and having a good time by dancing at a club is obviously ok. Go and have a good time, but maybe listen to the lyrics every once in a while.

Stop calling yourself a “bad bitch”. Saying that makes me think you are a “stupid bitch”.  I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of slack for this one. If you are truly what a “bad bitch” is thought to be (I actually see it more from teenagers, so no your not) than you really wouldn’t in fact need to call yourself that, and most likely wouldn’t feel the need to either.

Stop blaming men for you being single. Just because you are a good person (and let’s be honest, you might not be if you feel the need to blame others for your problems) doesn’t mean you are going to be compatible with every guy. That just isn’t how it works. Obviously you just haven’t found one that is compatible with you, so stop blaming men for it. Also, side note, stop getting mad at all men just because one treated you like crap. It’s just dumb. Not every man is responsible for the stuff one pulled. They actually in fact are not all the same. I know. This is some kind of new way of thinking. Isn’t it amazing!

Stop kissing other women for male attention. As a bisexual woman (yup I’m bi) that shit is not only annoying, but it is confusing as hell.

Get over the “damsel in distress” syndrome. Fix your problems yourself. Yea, obviously there are going to be things you don’t know how to fix. That isn’t actually what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is those women who are trying to find a man to get her away from her crappy family, or to help her with her financial issues, or to just protect her, or to help her support her kid (meaning just trying to find a father for her child). Men are not put on this earth to be our problem solvers. You will never be considered equal if you put them above you by wanting them to solve all your problems. If you feel like you need to be protected, take some self-defense classes, or learn how to use some kind of weapon. Again, take care of yourself. Maybe self-reliance is just a Heathen thing? *sigh*

Stop expecting men to buy you crap. Nine times out of ten, they have their own bills to pay. So he probably doesn’t have the extra money to buy you that super expensive necklace that you just must have. If you can’t get it, he probably can’t either. Oh, and stop just dropping hints or being difficult if he asks you what you want for a birthday or anniversary. Just tell the poor guy. While we are on that subject. If he constantly forgets your birthday or anniversary, just start reminding him. Honestly I forget that stuff all the time too. Some people just have bad memories. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t think it’s important.

Stop playing ditzy. That isn’t cute. Just makes you look stupid. If you got brains, show it off. If not, work on it. Knowledge is power ladies. If the guy likes stupid girls, he isn’t mature enough for you anyway.

Stop getting with a guy because you think you can change him. You can’t. He is the only one that can make that change.

Seriously, one of the things I don’t understand (and actually pisses me off) is the whole alimony thing. Child support I understand. Though with child support, they should investigate and make sure it is in fact going to the child. But alimony makes absolutely no sense to me, and frankly I think it should be stopped. If you don’t work (and/or never worked) but are getting a divorce from the person that supported you, sounds like it’s your problem. With that said, again, don’t get with someone just to help you with your financial situation. This is why I don’t understand women who don’t get a job because they want something like a sugar daddy. You are just screwing yourself over, because now if that doesn’t work out, you have no work experience to be able to support yourself. You screwed yourself over, so I don’t think he should have to pay for that. It isn’t right.

Stop with the slut shaming. What a woman does with her body is her business. A slut is typically what a woman is called if she sees sex the same way most men do. What she does with her body is her business and you have no right to even judge her.

This is the most important one.

Stop calling rape when you were either lied to by the guy or simply regret sleeping with him. Two major reasons why (in case you’re dense enough to not understand why it’s not ok). First and foremost you are ruining someone’s life. If they are found guilty, you are sending an innocent man to prison, where he will be punished by other inmates for raping a woman he actually didn’t. Even if he isn’t found guilty, he will be labeled as an accused rapist for the rest of his life. This could cause him to lose friends, maybe some family members, make getting a job harder (if it makes it to court it will be on his record) and getting a relationship harder. Secondly, it makes it that much harder for real rape victims to get justice. If enough women cry rape, they will think all women are doing so. That means they have to get incredibly insulting questions about their sex life and so on. Just fucking quit.

That is all I can think of for now.

Bring on the lynch mob!

Context, Context, Context

This a particular post that I was debating on whether or not I would do. I feel the need to do it to give a bit more of my history. It will really kind of shed some light on where I’m coming from on certain things. So here goes! A little nervous about sharing this much about me.

I was born in Dallas, Texas though I wasn’t raised there. Before I turned one, my mom and dad decided to go with my grandparents back to Missouri (this is where my mom is originally from).

Not long after they split. I later found out my mom left my dad for my younger brother’s dad.

Let me tell you a bit about my dad. He is 14 years older than my mother. He is quite a bit of traveler. He likes to call himself an old hippie but he is very republican. He is a musician by profession. Even at 61 he is still performing. He used to be a bit of a bigger deal in his younger days, he’s even performed with Willie Nelson. Now he just does gigs at bars (he does he paid pretty well, he is very professional) and teaches kids how to play instruments. He is a singer and mostly plays bass, though he can do guitar. One of my fondest memories as a kid was when I would wake up to hearing him practice in another room. He is an amazing singer and I’m really proud of him. He is a bit of a complicated creature. He has tried hard with me (I’m the baby of his kids). When I was teenager he would lecture me about the way I dress. I would typically only wear black concert t-shirts for heavy metals bands, jeans, and converses. He told me the way I dress will only attract dead beats with no job. It was kind of a situation of “dad, I’m 14, you don’t want me with a guy that has a job because he is probably quite a bit older than me”. He also lectured me about burping in public. Said it wasn’t lady like. Yea, I’m still not very lady like. Now that I’m older, he tries his best to not lecture me. He did give me a little crap about my tattoo (oh dad you are in for a ride now that I make good money and can afford more) and about me smoking. I figured that would be that case, but he is my dad.

Now, getting back on track.

My little brother’s dad is where I picked up my taste in music (meaning mostly heavy metal) and a lot of my goofiness from, not mention my temper. He is no longer my step dad but he still a part of my life and despite everything, I still love him. He is the one that raised me after all.

When I was growing up, he had a big problem with gambling and (something I found out when I got older) meth. He was almost bipolar. He would go from happy-go-lucky goof ball to a walking monster. I distinctly remember what happened. I was playing and he was at the computer online gambling. I wasn’t being careful and I accidently hit him. He grabbed the 2×4 that was in the room because of some fixing up they were trying to do. I tried to hide behind my mother, and she wouldn’t protect me. My mother and I were the ones that bore the grunt of his temper.

The only safe haven I had from this, was going to visit my father. He still lived in Texas at the time, but he would come up to Missouri to either come get me and bring me back to Texas for a week or just stay in the state with me for a week. When we stayed in state, we would stay with his sister. At the time my family still had a music store (music is a big part of my father’s side of my family)so he would work there while he was in state. It would be late nights he would be working, so I would just stay at my aunts with my two cousins. My male cousin took advantage of this. I didn’t know at the time what was being done to me, only now as an adult can I tell you. My male cousin, every time we were alone, would molest me. I knew enough to tell him to stop, but he would always just say he wasn’t doing anything. It escalated the last time I stayed the night there. I was staying in the guest room, and he was out on a date that night. I thought I was safe. He was still gone when I went to sleep. I woke up, and had no idea where I was. I had never been in his room before. I had only opened my eyes, and then closed them again, trying my best to seem like I was still asleep. After he was done he left the room. When he came back I pretended I had just woken up. He told me I was crying in my sleep so he brought me in there with him. He let me go back into my own room. I never reported him. I didn’t even know what he had done to me at the time. When I got older, and realized what had actually happened, I didn’t know what to do about it. I thought it was far too late. Now that I know what I should have done, he is dead. He was shot in the back by his probation officer. Some justice was done about the emotional scarring I now carry with me.

All the while, I had barely any friends in school. I got made of often for being as poor as we were. There were several times growing up that we were afraid we were going to lose our home. We had to choose between eating and paying the bills. All the money that was saved up for my sister and me for college was taken to make sure we had a home to grow up in. My mother picked up drinking, and ended up just drinking all the time.

My mom and my little brother’s dad got into a big argument and he ran to his sister’s house. This was finally the push my mom needed. She told him to not come back. They got a divorce when I was about 11.

Not long after my mother got reconnected with a man she was friends with in high school. She already knew his whole family. Thus brought in step-dad number 2.

Everything was fine at first. Nice guy and we all go along. Everything changed after they got married. He would spend more and more time working outside and not really associating with any of us. Then he started talking down to my mom, then my sister, then me, then my younger brother. It got worse and worse. When anyone else was around or we were at church, he was nice helpful happy-go-lucky guy. He even acted that way with his family. But as soon as it was only us, he started in again. Finally, I snapped. I was the only one that stood up to him, and we would go head to head. He hated me, and I hated him. He didn’t like me because I wasn’t what he thought a girl should be. I didn’t like him because the way he treated my family.

My mom ended up getting into an accident at work.

My mom has worked in factories for as long as I can remember, and has had only one hand since before I was born. She had lost her fingers to a machine in a factory. Now, her only good hand was broken, but from a machine in a factory. I took over in the home. I was the one that did all the cleaning and cooking. Despite all that step-dad 2 called me a lazy fat ass behind my back. The only problem was I was really close to his family. They all love me, and even to this day still consider me a part of their family.

They split right before my 16th birthday, so I didn’t get to spend that one with people I had grown close to. I didn’t get to celebrate many birthdays growing up. Usually only the big ones. Other than that, my present was my birthday cake and that was it. I was actually the only one that had to miss out on birthdays, but that is the joy of being the middle child.

About a year after, my mom got with step-dad number 3, my current step dad. We have our issues, but all around we get along and he is a great guy. He and R had a lot of issues for a while but honestly it was mostly her being super dramatic. Now we are all close again. He helped me get the job I have now and my car (meaning he cosigned for it, it was only my money going into it). I’m grateful for him.

Not long after my mom and my little brother’s dad split he finally got clean. He was very apologetic for what he did, and to this day he cries when he thinks about it. This is the reason why we are close now. I can’t hold his transgressions against him when he has worked so hard to get from that low point. And not all the times were bad.

So there you have it. I’m both strong and fragile because of my past. I have confidence and daddy issues. I have a hard time feeling comfortable around men. I didn’t come out unscathed by any means, but it is what made me who I am now. It is all behind me, but still a part of me. I’ve gotten a lot better than I used to be. A couple years ago whenever a man would touch me I would freeze up. I’ve gotten over that now. It’s all a work in progress. Freya and Thor are working to heal these scars and Skadi is trying to make me stronger, but it will take time.

Just one more point.

See all the shit I’ve been through and I still don’t hate men. Hmmm.

Sorry, I know this post is kind of sporadic and all over the place. With this kind of thing I have a lot of issues organizing my thoughts.

 

You think you are the only ones getting attacked?

“In response to the arrests of three law enforcement officials in Oklahoma for sexually assaulting women while on the job, an Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper told women they can avoid getting raped by a cop if they simply follow traffic laws.”

That’s in Oklahoma.

“Maiorino raped the 20-year-old woman at gunpoint on the hood of his police cruiser, according to a police affidavit.”

In Florida.

“The woman told Baltimore police that Maryland Transit Administration Officer Martez Johnson, 26, had given her a ride in his marked cruiser after an MTA bus hit her car about 3 a.m. March 13.

According to charging documents, Martez walked the woman to the front door of her home on North Duncan Street. As she closed the door, Johnson forced his way inside, then pushed her onto her couch and raped her, the documents said.”

This woman was assaulted after she had already been in an accident. Seriously? Obviously in Maryland.

“Detroit Police Officer Deon Nunlee has been charged in the alleged Oct. 30 assault of a 31-year-old woman. Police said DNA connected Nunlee to the assault.”

The woman had called 911 because she had just been assaulted by her boyfriend. Instead of help, she got that.

“Two women told Kansas City police that a veteran officer raped them in recent months.

Jeffrey Holmes, 47, of Kansas City served with the Kansas City Police Department for 13 years and was assigned to the south patrol unit. He is now behind bars facing two felony counts involving public corruption.

In addition to the women’s statements, police said witnesses corroborated their stories. Evidence seized off Holmes’ cell phone and computers at his home backed up their claims, according to court documents.”

Shall I go on? Here:

“A uniformed cop in San Antonio handcuffed, groped and raped a 19-year-old while on duty, authorities said.

Officer Jackie Neal, an 11-year veteran, was collared on Saturday by his own department and charged with felony sexual assault.

Neal, 40, followed the woman for blocks early Friday morning before he pulled her over, according to an arrest affidavit. He allegedly told the woman her car was reported stolen, persisting even after she showed him documentation.”

Gods only know how many other women have been assaulted by Police Officers and simply not reported it. But because they weren’t actually killed and weren’t all women of color, this isn’t getting the same coverage.

In this whole Ferguson incident, I have been saying repeatedly that it isn’t as much of a racial issue as it is a Police vs. Civilians issue. They abuse their power. Simple as that. Just let this information swim in your head for a bit.

But you know, only black lives matter.

 

Men and rape – things are changing and not in the way you might think

“And now the real surprise: when asked about experiences in the last 12 months, men reported being “made to penetrate”—either by physical force or due to intoxication—at virtually the same rates as women reported rape (both 1.1 percent in 2010, and 1.7 and 1.6 respectively in 2011).

In other words, if being made to penetrate someone was counted as rape—and why shouldn’t it be?—then the headlines could have focused on a truly sensational CDC finding: that women rape men as often as men rape women.

The CDC also reports that men account for over a third of those experiencing another form of sexual violence—“sexual coercion.” That was defined as being pressured into sexual activity by psychological means: lies or false promises, threats to end a relationship or spread negative gossip, or “making repeated requests” for sex and expressing unhappiness at being turned down.”

This is something I came across when reading an article on the Time website “The CDC’s Rape Numbers Are Misleading“. If you get a chance to read it, I would. Very interesting stuff. I’m just wanting to point out something from it.

Let me start out by talking a bit about how Feminism has now stretched to not only covers rights for women anymore, but that of the LGBTQ community and even men (again why misandrists are not feminists).

The very core of feminism is equality.

One of the issues that is now being brought up is about men being raped. Not only it is a very real thing but it isn’t just men raping men (typically thought of as a prison inmate practice) but women raping men as well. The “forced to penetrate” thing mentioned above. It’s very possible. Just like with women, the male sex organ being active doesn’t necessarily mean that the male is enjoying what’s happening or is consenting. It is truly a biological process. It reacts to stimulation whether the person wants that stimulation or not (same does happen to female rape victims and makes the victim that much less likely to report the crime).

The reason that people tend not to believe that men could be raped is mostly “Well guys just want sex all the time anyway.” And this is one of the things that really does a disservice to men (along with something else I will talk about at a later date). Really just treating men like animals that only care about sex and don’t care where it comes from. Men have standards too. Getting just a bit off my intended topic here. Just wanted to make sure I mentioned all this before I move on to my problem with what the CDC calls “sexual coercion“.

My main issue: making multiple requests for sex and showing unhappiness at being turned down. Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, if someone is trying to get you to have sex with them and you turn them down, of course they are going to be sad or upset about being turned down! Who is actually happy about being rejected? Especially for something as personal as sex. If someone turns you down for a simple romp in the sheets usually means they don’t find you attractive (or your a shitty person, in which case you probably deserve to be turned down) which is a major hit to the ego.

If we really want this to fall under rape or sexual assault than the numbers of both are going to go WAY up! I mean whenever I’ve turned down a guy there was always more requests than the initial one that was declined and the guy was always upset about being rejected but I didn’t consider it coercion or sexual assault or anything. Absolutely ridiculous.

Here is another point I want to make. If you get drunk, go home with a ten and wake up with a two (so to speak) that is not forced penetration or rape. It just isn’t. That goes for both men and women and everything in between. Being drugged would obviously (or I hope its obvious) is a completely different story.

And how about all those women that slept with a man because he told her he loves her but lied. Is that sexual coercion? No. I don’t think the “lies or false promises” bit should be considered. People lie. Its human nature. Bribing on the other hand (like offering you a raise if you sleep with him/her as an example) that is kind of…..iffy. Not exactly a threat to fire you, or threatening you in some other manner (unless that is the case which is a totally different story, definitely fits the bill) so it’s not really coercion. The choice is still yours.

Any thoughts, absolutely feel free to comment. Again, check out the full article if you get the chance. Here’s the link:

 http://time.com/3393442/cdc-rape-numbers/