Stepping Away from Feminists

I have a feeling this will be one of my least popular posts yet. I feel it now.

Here goes.

It all started when I came across a post about “Sexual Racism”. It is basically the premise that if you aren’t sexually attracted to people of a certain race it isn’t personal preference, it’s you being racist. Yea. Smell the bullshit coming off that.

I have identified as feminist since I was pretty young. It was more I got called a feminist (not in a bad way) and I was just kinda like “yea, that’s right!”.

I am by no means a Social Justice Warrior. I’m not politically correct a lot of the time. Don’t get me wrong (usually) I don’t purposely hurt anyone’s feelings but some of this shit is getting ridiculous.

At first I was thinking it was the 3rd wave feminism that was giving me the urge to leave. But the more research I do, the more I realize that it really isn’t them as a whole. Mostly because the title third wave feminism gets used incorrectly. Basically treating it like something brand new when in reality third wave feminism started in the early to mid 90’s.

Here is a short break down of the waves.

First wave:

The first wave of feminism took place in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, emerging out of an environment of urban industrialism and liberal, socialist politics. The goal of this wave was to open up opportunities for women, with a focus on suffrage.

Second:

The second wave began in the 1960s and continued into the 90s. This wave unfolded in the context of the anti-war and civil rights movements and the growing self-consciousness of a variety of minority groups around the world. The New Left was on the rise, and the voice of the second wave was increasingly radical. In this phase, sexuality and reproductive rights were dominant issues, and much of the movement’s energy was focused on passing the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution guaranteeing social equality regardless of sex.

You can thank the second wave for Sex and gender differentiation—the former being biological, and the later a social construct that varies culture-to-culture and over time.

Third:

The third wave of feminism began in the mid-90’s and was informed by post-colonial and post-modern thinking. In this phase many constructs were destabilized, including the notions of “universal womanhood,” body, gender, sexuality and heteronormativity. An aspect of third wave feminism that mystified the mothers of the earlier feminist movement was the readoption by young feminists of the very lip-stick, high-heels, and cleavage proudly exposed by low cut necklines that the first two phases of the movement identified with male oppression. Pinkfloor expressed this new position when she said that it’s possible to have a push-up bra and a brain at the same time. The “grrls” of the third wave stepped onto the stage as strong and empowered, eschewing victimization and defining feminine beauty for themselves as subjects, not as objects of a sexist patriarchy. They developed a rhetoric of mimicry, which appropriated derogatory terms like “slut” and “bitch” in order to subvert sexist culture and deprive it of verbal weapons. The web is an important tool of “girlie feminism.”

Got this information here. Looking around this seems to be accurate.

Basically what it boils down to is each wave was for issues of that time being handled in a way realistic for that time. The second wave wasn’t fighting for women’s right to vote because it was already done, so they moved on to issues like getting fair work, being in charge of their own bodies, etc. The third wave is really no different, just moving on to the next problem.

What I believe really is the problem is the trend I’m seeing in (unfortunately) my generation and the next.

Some how we have cultivated new generations of whiney babies that think because someone has said something that upsets them that they have the right to tell them to not say that thing (ie. “triggered). That instead of having conversations and discussions with apposing views they just go on the attack because how do someone disagree with them and that person is a terrible person for thinking incorrectly.

I was looking at an article about Halloween costumes and cultural appropriation on a feminist page (this is not a feminist issue by the way). Some of it I agree to like Native American costumes (because they are very stereotypical not “cultural appropriation”) but others like women wearing saris. Actually the sari part is the one I commented about specifically. I go to Ren Faire every year I can and every time there is an Indian couple (as in they themselves migrated from India to here) that sell saris and lots of belly dancing gear. This last year I went he was very active in trying to sell me (a very white girl) one that I had shown some interest in. Also commenting that I don’t take well to people trying to tell me what I can and cannot wear.

The comments I got were wow. Some were in agreement. Others called that couple sell outs and that in every culture there are sell outs, one told me my name was an insult to dogs (referring to Silverwolf) and other insulting comments. All, by the way, were from women just as white as me. The insults didn’t hurt my feelings, I have much thicker skin than that. It has officially put me off to the community in whole because this wasn’t the first time that not only did people resort to insults because I had a disagreeing opinion but because not a single one actually wanted to have a discussion about it. Just wanted to insult me to try to shut me up.

This Social Justice Warrior trend is what I’m speaking of. They are intent on sacrificing free speech in the name of political correctness.

Perfect example.

Here is a great article on the whole thing that highly suggest, though it is more focused at colleges.

They want their way. Their way of thinking is the only right way, and you are dehumanized to nothing but some form of privilege if you disagree.

It seems the way to bring yourself or a certain group up, they want to bring others down.

On the specific subject of feminism, there is a lot of attacks on men.

As a whole, I love men. Now there are specific men I don’t like, and some I even hate but it that is because of their own actions. Not because they are men.

I don’t agree with everything in this article, but it is still good.

I’m fed up with it, and I’m done.

This is really the only thing I’m going to post on this.

I am not changing. The same problems are still important to me (lgbt, public breastfeeding, etc), but I will not longer be using the term feminist. I have no interest in being a part of the community any longer because I don’t want to be associated with these people.

I wasn’t planning on this post being so ranty but oh well.

Bring on the pitchforks and torches.

My little brother likes to say my catch phrase is “I do what I want”, so….

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Let’s talk about boobs

Probably not in the way that you are wanting though.

Celebrating Frigga today (actually this was originally typed up on Friday but I couldn’t finish it, so pretend I posted it yesterday), so I decided to talk about a mommy issue (since she is the All Mother after all!)

So today we shall talk about what those boobs are actually supposed to be for, feeding babies!

Breastfeeding is becoming a sort of trend now. The sign of the new age mother that is more “natural”. As trends go, this is definitely a good one. At this point most people know the health benefits of breastfeeding as apposed to formula for both the mother and baby. So why is there so much controversy surrounding it. Let’s discuss!

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I came across this particular sign posted on the doors of a local Michaels, and also saw one on Target’s doors. It is a sign signifying that the establishment supports breastfeeding, even in public.

Here’s the thing. That really shouldn’t be necessary.

Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things a woman can do. That is how babies have been fed since the beginning of time. Saying you support breastfeeding is like saying you support feeding babies. Kind of redundant isn’t it? So if you replace “breastfeeding” with “feeding a baby” in the argument about breastfeeding in public it becomes an argument about feeding a baby in public.

First, lets take a little look at the law.

According to NCSL (National Conference of State Legislatures) 49 states, the District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location (meaning privately owned businesses). So all of them but one, Idaho.

29 states, District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws.

That’s where it doesn’t make much sense to me. So in the other 20 states that don’t have that exemption, you can breastfeed in public but get in trouble for public indecency?

Now lets get to the arguments against breastfeeding in public.

I came across this little nugget here. These are where I will start here and add some more.

The first one is that breastfeeding in public is indecent.

Yea, no.

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Most of the time that is about all you will see. I’ve seen women walk around in shirts that show way more than that but are still not considered “indecent”.

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Hel, this shows more boob and was on national television.

Here’s the thing, breasts are not indecent, despite what modern society wants to tell you. The argument is that they are “sexual organs” so they should be covered. Umm, no they aren’t. Let’s take a look at the anatomy of a breast. Anatomy-of-Breast11 - Copy

And here shows for more breastfeeding specific (and layman’s terms):

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Nothing sexual about that, has nothing to do with actually creating life, they are mostly sacks of fat on our chest (that is when they aren’t actually in use). The only reason they get involved in sexual play is because of those lovely nerve endings (and boy are those nerve endings fun). The attraction to women with a larger chest is a natural thing. Bigger the breast our animalistic selves think better to feed baby with, also triggers the more fertile thought process as well, now that doesn’t mean our smaller chested friends can’t breastfeed or breastfeed as well or aren’t as fertile (like I said animalistic thinking so not based in fact). The sexualization however is a newer construct of modern society. Ever wonder why in those pictures of third world countries in Africa the women are topless?

The second reason given here really pissed me off. The public breastfeeding is dangerous.

Really? This goes based off the messed up ideology that if a man sees a boob he will completely lose his control (and sanity) and attack. Okay, that may be over dramatizing it a bit but seriously I am sick of people excusing deplorable actions by lowering men to the level of sex crazed animals. Last time I checked decent human beings have control over their sexual urges, especially in the completely nonsexual context that breastfeeding is in. And I love the “asking” for harassment. Umm no, she is feeding her child. The victim blaming is strong here. But to me this seems to be a ridiculous argument. I have not once heard of a woman getting sexually harassed or assaulted because a guy saw her breastfeeding.

The awkward social interactions thing is so dumb. Once it becomes more publically acceptable (meaning women don’t have to even worry about having this dumb debate in the first place) it will be as normal as a woman bottle feeding. It’s only awkward if you make it. I don’t understand the ‘children may ask seemingly inappropriate questions about what the mother is doing” part. The woman breastfeeding is a mother and will already understand why children ask the questions they do. And finally the “the baby may make loud sucking noises that can make others uncomfortable” part. Are you a child? You can’t handle a sucking sound? Newsflash, that is how they get their nutrition, sucking, whether on a bottle or on Mommy’s nature given bottle.

Lastly, the argument that “the act of breastfeeding is physically and emotionally intimate and, therefore, should not be done in public”. Again, just stupid. So no one should kiss, hold hands, stare into each other’s eyes, hug or anything else that could be deemed “physically and emotionally intimate” in public.

My all time favorite argument (by men) is that it’s illegal for men to whip their dick out in public so it should be for a woman to breastfeed because she is “whipping out her boob”. There is just so much umm no in that argument. First, huge difference between a penis and a boob. A penis is a sexual organ, and once again, breasts are not. You don’t feed a baby with your dick (at least I pray to the Gods you don’t, if you do please kindly turn yourself in or just off yourself). As for the whipping out the boob part, refer to the above picture. Women who breastfeed have the sense to wear clothes where her breast is very readily accessible to the baby (because you try to hold a not happy hungry baby and try to work complicated clothing), and will hold the baby in place before moving any kind of clothing out of the way. So the chances of you actually seeing breast is very minimal and only if you are really watching for it.

Trying to tell a woman that she shouldn’t breastfeed in public really is telling a woman if she wants to breastfeed she has to stay home all the time, and that really isn’t right and completely unrealistic. She can’t wait until she gets home to feed her baby, because that baby will be hungry when he or she gets hungry, they don’t stick to their mom’s

Breasts are used in advertisements all the time, so the fact that people are so disturbed when a woman actually uses them for what they were intended for is just ridiculous.

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Here is a link to some tips for mother’s that aren’t that confident in breastfeeding in public but want to be.

Here is a link for some responses to people directly arguing with it ( that is I you want to be nicer than what I would be).

When it comes down to it  the law is on your side on this, unless you live in Idaho.

A little disclaimer here: I have nothing against women who choose to not breastfeed. That is your body. As a matter of fact, I do have a problem with people shaming a woman for making that choice.

Until next time my loves!

October is approaching

Just a little side note first.

I might be a little on the inactive side. Fenrir is requesting I keep some of the relationship work private (understandably so). I will try to post when something starts itching and needs to be shared. But as far as my relationships with Thor and Fenrir, I’m going to be very selective in what I share. Just working on the relationships and with the way things are going right now it is a bit on the sensitive side. Thor has been pretty rare in appearances as of late, working, so that is making things just a tad more difficult (I’m not complaining, its just a fact.)

In other news, I’m starting to feel Skadi touching at the edge of my senses.

I think she is coming back! Seems The Hunt starting so early is bring her around a lot earlier as well.

Any way, now on topic.

October is definitely my favorite month.

First of all, autumn. All things Halloween-y. And just the feel in the air is like pot to me (not crack because it is incredibly relaxing). Fenrir is showing me he has some pretty strong ties to fall as well.

I’m a lot more active spiritually, physically and emotionally during fall. Summer heat drains me to where I’m barely functional. I hide inside in the AC (plus I burn incredibly easily) and just watch TV mostly. During fall I actually go out and do shit and it really lifts my spirit. Not to mention it means the holidays are on their way and I love the holiday season. Just has a warm fuzzy feel to it that I can’t get enough of. My boyfriend tried saying he was a scrooge.  I made sure he knew that wasn’t going to fly with me. I pulled the “you’re going to be happy about the holidays whether you want to or not, and you’re gonna like it!” He doesn’t seem to be too upset about it. I’m getting this Christmas sweater I found. On it it says “Fa la la la la, Valhalla la” with a shield, axe and sword on it. I showed it to him and he wanted one too. I joked about having matching sweaters and he even actually agreed to taking a picture with me of us both wearing it (he hates taking pictures) so I think he is okay with it all.

I’m starting to make plans for October.

I’m going to Pagan Pride in the city. Super excited about that. Going with my best friend and this is the first time either of us has gone. I don’t know what to expect but it will be nice being surrounded by other pagans.

Planning some trips to the local graveyards. I’m going to be ordering soon some crystals for offerings to the spirits. Not so excited about going to visit my grandmother’s grave. I haven’t gone in a long time, and I know it will be emotion filled. She died on my ninth birthday, with me being mad  Freya is pushing for me to bring my boyfriend with me for that reason. What he sees of my is about 70% independent woman who has been single forever and very much prefers to take care of things herself, and about 30% giant dorky goofball (I am the master of weird faces). She insists that he needs to see a much more vulnerable side of me. Not looking forward to that. Not so good at showing my vulnerable side. I’m a Cancer, I hide in my shell when I’m vulnerable.

I’m going to go out and spend as much time as possible outside before it gets too cold.

I’m going to try working getting my tattoo somewhere in there, or at least in November. It is more of a money issue, plus not sure where I’m going to go. Probably going to try the artist that did my best friend’s tat. Also still trying to figure out exactly what it is going to be.

That got a bit rambly.

Until next time loves.

Happy Thor’s day!

For the Love of the Golden Goddess

Kind of going along the lines of the tarot reading I did for Thor and Fenrir, I decided might as well keep it going for all of the Gods in my life.

Next was Freya.

I haven’t talked too terribly much about her as of late but She is still very much an active member of my life.

I asked her what She would like out of our relationship. I was consulting my Mystic Faerie Tarot deck.

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The Eight of Cups was the first card I pulled.

Just for information purposes, if you aren’t particularly familiar with tarot, the cups cards are usually dealing with emotions.

In the Mystic Faerie tarot each card as a story about the faerie on the card. This one apparently fell in love with a wood elf that disappeared. The card depicting her looking for her beloved elf, having found a dragonfly as a companion that knows the homes of the elves.

 Are you kidding me? Thank you for being so obvious that the message is from you Lady.

In the “your message” section of the description of this card, it said basically you already know what needs to be done but you have to be brave enough to do it.

Well thanks for being semi cryptic. So I pulled another one for clarity.

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The Empress was the next one I pulled.

Interesting history with this card. When I did a reading for my older sister forever ago, her wanting to know if she is ever going to have children, this was her  future card. Was made pretty obvious that it was going to happen, she just needed to be patient and get her spending under control (the rest of that is from the rest of the card, pentacles was heavy in the spread, the money suit). She didn’t believe me, having convinced herself she was barren.  For the new players at home, she is in fact currently pregnant. I still need to perform for her the “I told you so” dance. If you don’t know what that is, its a dance Elliot from Scrubs does.

Any who, back on topic.

The Empress is very much about love and nurturing. This deck specifically talks about finding the beauty in what would normally be considered plain (the stalks of wheat).

When looking at the first card, I had my suspicions on what She was talking about, and The Empress confirmed it.

Since Freya has come into my life, she consistently forces me to look myself in the eye. Forces me to see my own beauty despite how painful it may be for me (and with my history, it is painful). And once I do that, I am shown the beauty in others. To revel in it. That is what she wants of me. To see the beauty in all things and to show others the same. To not be afraid to be loud about it, to go forward.

She feels I am even more qualified for this with my work with Thor and Fenrir, my work in strength and of unbinding.

To show the strength in beauty and the beauty in strength.

The other day, for the first time ever, I gave her an offering in tears.

A video was brought to my attention. A video of an over weight woman that stripped to just a bra and underwear in a crowded city square. She put a blind fold on herself, and held markers in her hands that were outstretched.

The amount of love she received really brought me to tears, and Freya asked for them which I lovingly obliged.

That is all I have on this for the moment.

Until next time loves.

I don’t need your false concern

So it was brought to my attention that there was a little bit of a video battle going on between this chick on YouTube and the star of My Big Fat Fabulous Life.

Basically the YouTuber (and I can’t recall her name, and don’t really care enough to look it up) posted a video directed at fat people. Basically an attack on people who are overweight and saying “fat shaming doesn’t exist”.

Fat shaming falls under the unpleasant umbrella that is body shaming, something that is typically aimed at those that identify as women (though men do get it too). It isn’t just fat shaming that happens (insulting/attacking larger people because of their size) but there is also skinny shaming.

I’m going to start this with the statement I firmly believe in, especially when it comes to someone else’s body:

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS

But here goes.

The YouTuber put a disclaimer toward the beginning of her video that is wasn’t aimed at people who are big because of a medical condition. The star of (I’m going to abbreviate here) MBFFL replied to this with the truth. You can’t tell by just looking at someone if they have a medical condition or not. People don’t walk around with doctor notes taped to their chest to excuse their size.

The next little disclaimer she puts in is that it isn’t directed toward people who just have “a little cushion for the pushin’ “. I’m so glad you don’t mind that I’m chubby.

Then this is where my point comes in. She goes on to insult larger people (referring to Crisco coming out of their pores like play-doh), but turns around and says the reasons for the insulting is  because she is “selfish” and wants them to be around. Saying fat shaming is a good thing because it will push people to lose weight.

First of all, no. Insulting someone about their weight isn’t going to help them lose weight. If that was the case everyone would be skinny. I can almost guarantee anyone of a larger size has been picked on, bullied, or have been down right fucking rude to them because of their size. Especially if they are any where on the internet. Not only does it not push them to lose weight, a lot of the time they will gain more. The stress of dealing with that kind of ridicule not only puts stress on the body, causing more of those nasty fat storing hormones, but some of these people are also stress eaters.

Second of all, no. “Concern” for someone’s health is constantly used as an excuse to ridicule them for their size. Saying things like a big girl being body positive is “glorifying” obesity, “glorifying” an unhealthy lifestyle. No, it’s glorifying their own damn body and they are entitled to do so. There is also that thing again, you can’t tell someone’s health status by looking at them. You can’t tell their habits just by looking at them.

Let me give you an example. I will compare myself to my younger brother.

I am 22 years old. I’m not sure about my actual weight (I avoid the scale because I’ve actually got quite a bit of muscle), possibly close to 200 lbs., and I am 5’5. I wear size 12 ( 14 sometimes depending on the brand) pants and a large to extra large shirt, with size 14 dress size. I exercise on a semi regular basis (shit comes up sometimes), I try to not eat overly fatty foods and 99% of the time I avoid junk food, I also watch my portion sizes. I have slightly high blood pressure and breathing problems, but I’m a smoker with mild asthma (yea don’t start in on the don’t smoke shit, I know). I’m a chubby girl, and I’m not ashamed of that. If you look at my father’s side I am actually the tallest and the skinniest. My mom’s side is very mixed in that area.

Now my younger brother. He is 16. I don’t know his weight or height or sizes. He is probably around 6 foot if not taller, and when he takes off his shirt you can literally see his ribs. He eats fatty crap and junk food constantly. He is a typical teenage boy. He really gets it from his dad (we have different dads).

Now if you took us side by side, with clothes on, everyone would assume (makes an ass out of u and me) that he is healthier than me. With, lets say, only swim suits on, people would think we were both unhealthy. His doctor says he is perfectly healthy, and I already mentioned my problems (which actually have little to do with my weight).

See what I’m saying. I get fat shamed, he gets skinny shamed. You really can’t win unless you perfectly fit what society labels as acceptable.

So therefore, your “concern” is bullshit.

Unless you are that persons doctor, shut your mouth about someone’s size.

Most people who fain this “concern” are people who want to seem like they care when in reality it makes them feel superior. If you have a problem with someone’s size and you have to say something, at least be honest about how much of an asshole you really are.

I’ll say it one more time:

 JUST MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.

That is all.

Until next time my loves.

(I may end up adding a full body picture of myself later, but I don’t have one at the moment)

I’m so proud!

So the other day while I was scrolling through Facebook (I do so often when I’m bored) I came across a picture that was posted by one of the BBW pages I follow. Yes BBW. For the new viewers at home I am on the bigger side of the spectrum.

Any who.

There was post they shared, and I can’t remember the exact words on it, but it was basically along the lines of only big or “curvy” women can be sexy.

So why am I proud? The people who follow this page are mostly either bigger women or men who prefer bigger women. The comments that the picture got? Bigger women calling out skinny shaming. Of course there was like one guy that agreed with it but I’m choosing to overlook that.

That is awesome!

My relationship with Freya really has changed some things for me. You begin to see the beauty in everyone. Don’t get me wrong, some times I have to catch my self for thinking “she shouldn’t wear that” or something in that sort of category. The brain washing of society.

Big, skinny, chubby, little, young, older, doesn’t matter.

You’re still beautiful

Just another day

This is going to be another post just about what is going on in my life. It’s going to be kind of random and all over the place, so if you choose to skip this one I understand. But, you have been warned.

So I almost forgot that my birthday is tomorrow (Sunday the 19th), and the other day I cussed out an ice cream truck driver because he cut me off on the interstate twice. Feeling like I’m officially an adult.

Finally paid off my new Mani necklace and got it in the mail yesterday. It is beautiful!

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The picture does no justice at all to how gorgeous this necklace is, but I couldn’t be happier, especially since I got it before the next full moon. It was made by the very talented Beth.

I also finally have some incense for Him, picked out by Him. I couldn’t tell you what the sent is. It is from a local place called Magic Garden. The name has a bit of a relevance between the two of us. We share a song by the band Skyclad (UK band that you need to check out if you haven’t) called A Stranger in the Garden. The lyrics don’t have any direct correlation to Mani per se except for a mention of the full moon, but it is a song that we both enjoy a lot and has more meaning between the two of us. The song actually has a bit of a mention of Aphrodite, Valhalla, and Eden (not connecting them together, just mentioned). My relationship with Mani continues to grow stronger and stronger.

A little bit on the sore side today. I had to help my step dad get our new fridge in the house. It was actually too big to fit through the doorway so it became whole ordeal that took almost an hour and a half.

So my younger brother has given up Wicca for Kemetics. He is developing a relationship with Bast. He is the first one I have told about how intimate my relationship is with Them (talking, seeing, etc) in my personal life. He understood, believed, and asked for advise on how he could have that kind of relationship. It’s kind of hard because I don’t have much to give him. For me it just came naturally, I didn’t really have to try to see or hear Them. I keep trying to explain to him that everyone is going to have a different experience. I’m used to being the guide for him, always have been. Sometimes I feel like he is my child, mostly because I had to help raise him. I try to teach him about life, to guide him to make his own decisions, to do what is best for himself and not for others. I am also his protector, always have been. Sometimes though, you have to let them fall so they can learn. This is one of those things I can’t teach him how to do. I’ve directed him to the best resources I can find, but that isn’t a pantheon I work with. I am pretty strictly Norse, not that I think it is bad to work with other pantheons, it’s just not something I do. The reason? Haven’t connected with any other ones. But, here is where something comes up, a little dreaded UPG. I was debating on whether or not I would share it, but why in Helheim not? I have come to understand that Bast and Freya have a good relationship. I went to Freya to see if she could help him at all with his budding relationship with Bast. “I’ll see what I can do,” was the answer I got with a smile. That night? Bast came to him in his dream.

Not doing much for the birthday. Just having a BBQ with the family and my boyfriend. Turning 22, nothing special. Everyone keep telling me “it’s still your birthday, you should celebrate it!” but I just don’t see too much of a need. This may come from my childhood. In the post I talk more about it but growing up in borderline poverty, after a certain point we only celebrated the big birthdays (13, 16, and 18). Every other birthday usually my present was having a birthday cake. It was all we could really afford. So that is kind of the way I still think of it. For my 30th though, you better believe I will have a big bash. I don’t dread getting older (unlike my sister who is freaking out about turning 30) I embrace. Freya seems to push a lot aging gracefully. Aging gracefully really has nothing to do with actual looks. It’s about your attitude. If you fight aging and try to make yourself younger than you are you are doing yourself no favors. Age gracefully, accept your age, realize you earned your years, you earned every freckle, scar, wrinkle, and grey hair. Be proud of that.

Coming Out

In honor of Same Sex Marriage being legal now through out the U.S. thanks to the Supreme Court, I’m going to talk a bit about when I came out as bisexual.

Being bisexual isn’t something I talk all the much about. You tell people your bi you get a different reaction then gays, or lesbians. Yea you get the typical hate crap, but bisexual/pansexual/polysexual what have you, get extra stuff.

“You’re just going through a phase.”

“You can’t make up your mind.”

“You say that just to be more attractive to guys.”

“You can’t get anyone so you are just trying to open up to everyone.”

“You’re doing it for attention.”

It’s a no, obviously, to all of the above. Now don’t take this as thinking me saying it’s harder on bi/pan/poly people. Not harder, just a little different.

I came out officially as bi at age 13. Went about as well as you think it would in the bible belt. I ended up losing a lot of friends that year.

I came out to my sisters first. They didn’t care. The older sister closest to me in age was okay with it but she wasn’t particularly fond of me talking about actually being with other women. So I guess not that okay with it.

I was afraid to tell my mom. I’ve described her as a “Super Christian” before. It has been that way for quite some time. When I finally did she really surprised me.

“I’ll love you no matter what. Just make sure you use protection.”

Basically my mom gave me permission to have sex at 13 as long as I was safe. (Side note: when I told my mom I lost my virginity at 16 she wasn’t upset, just asked if we used protection) Soon after she actually tried to hook me up with a girl, but she turned out to be bat shit crazy.

I was in middle school at this point, and it didn’t go well.

I legitimately had a girl walk up to me in the lunch room and ask “So you like pussy?” I sort of agreed to it and her reaction was “Ew, gross.” Then why the fuck did you ask?

I lost friends because rumors started going around that I like all these girls. So they wanted nothing to do with me. Told me I was gross.

I was a quiet girl who mostly kept to herself, with just a few friends. People were just nosey and would listen in to conversations.

This went into high school. My freshman year, I was going to take shop class. My first day I was told I “couldn’t make balls” in the class and I immediately dropped out of it. I wasn’t going to deal with that shit.

It finally stopped when I transferred to school due to weird districting, taxes, and living on an acre of land.

I was actually quite a bit more accepted at that school, considering the other districts called it the “prep” school. There were more alternative people there than at my first school.

Finally had my first girlfriend. This is the girl I had choir class with and the first thing she said to me was “what is your sexual orientation?” not hi. We were fast friends and then we started dating. I really liked her. Only broke up because she moved. She was funny, sweet, had an obsession with my boobs and had a Gene Simmons tongue.

After that, my relationship with women have been just about as good as my relationships with men. In the bible belt it tends to be a lot more difficult to find a not straight woman, especially in a small town type area. They usually move to more accepting places, or are severely in the closet.

In relationships with men, I tend to be more submissive (current relationship excluded, it is surprisingly equal) but with women I tend to be a bit more on the dominant side. Not sure the reason for it. Just the way it tends to be.

During my coming out period, I did attempt suicide. Had to get my stomach pumped. I was losing what little friends I had and was being harassed by everyone at my school with no one to turn to. This is also when I had a mentally abusive stepdad at home you hated me because I wasn’t feminine enough. I didn’t act like a girl should. I hated him too so it was pretty even.

I made it past that struggle (obviously, still alive) and I am saddened when I see other’s going through it.

My little brother went through a time of confusion (not sure if he has decided yet, he has a girlfriend) and at first my mom didn’t know how to handle it. Not sure why she reacted differently to him than she did me. Maybe because he is the baby? Not sure. But I stood by his side in support as he tried to figure it out. I wasn’t going to let him go through the same crap I did. I want to break the cycle. My mother, my older sister, and I had all attempted suicide in our lives. I wasn’t going let him join that club.

What Your Supposed to Be

People seem to have this need to put everything in their neat little groups. It helps them stay organized. If they put this in this little group, that’s where it belongs and that means they are/do this, this and this.

That works well with objects, not so much with people.

I’m going to speak from my own personal experience, but I’d love input from people in other “groups” and what they experience.

“Oh you’re a feminist?” that must mean you:

-hate men.

-don’t shave.

-chastise stay at home mothers.

-only care about women’s problems.

-are a “feminazi”.

-blame everything on the “patriarchal society”.

-are a lonely, fat, ugly woman with a  “bob” hair cut (yes I’ve heard a guy say all feminists are lonely, fat, and ugly with butch hair cuts).

-are actually just a lesbian.

-overly sensitive, and will attack someone over anything that could possibly be against a woman.

-will bitch out a guy for doing anything nice for you like opening doors.

-don’t wear a bra.

Oh you’re a heathen?” that must mean you:

-only listen to Viking metal (not necessarily a bad thing), and always wear their shirts.

-only got into it because of Marvel, and want to do Tom Hiddleston or Chris Hemsworth (because I’m a woman).

-are racist.

-just want an excuse to drink and dress like a Viking (my Friday nights are none of your business Mister!).

-are surrounded by misogynist pigs (because I’m a woman I don’t get called one).

-are a hipster that was too cool for Wicca.

-are a blood thirsty, war monger.

-actually worship the devil, whether you know it or not.

-are super open sexually, since your pagan (or a nice way to say I must get around).

-are doing it for attention from/to impress guys (because I’m a female Heathen).

-must fight with other Heathens about how to interpret the lore.

Oh you’re a woman?” that must mean you (not to be confused with the feminist one):

-are weak.

-only want attention.

-freak out when you break a nail.

-talk a lot.

-nag constantly.

-enjoy teasing men.

-hate sex.

-lie about how long it takes to get ready.

-lie about your weight and/or age.

-never genuinely compliment another woman, its a petty stab at her.

-only want men to buy you things.

-only want a rich guy.

“Oh you’re a nerd/geek?” that must mean you:

-are doing it for attention from/to impress guys (because I’m a female nerd/geek).

-have no social life.

-have no friends.

-spend all your time on a computer or playing video games.

-burn in the sunlight (I’m a vampire now? I’ll take it as long as I don’t sparkle).

-like all the nerdy/geeky things like WoW, or D & D.

-have no love life/are a virgin.

-must be easy because most guys wouldn’t want me.

*I’m not going to get into all the media stereotypes.*

“Oh your chubby?” that must mean you:

-are lazy.

-don’t care about your looks.

-eat constantly.

-just sit on your ass all day, everyday.

-are easy because most guys wouldn’t want you.

-are funny because you don’t have the looks (not sure how to feel about this one).

-are jealous of women skinnier than you.

-unhealthy, even when compared to people who are skinny and eat nothing but junk.

There are a lot of other groups I fall into, and frankly I don’t feel like getting into them. I’d say about 99% of these are completely wrong, and the one (well one, the feminist being chubby) has nothing to do with the category that I fall into. Some these are assumptions because I’m in both group A and B (usually in one group plus I’m a woman).

It’s seems usually the loudest of different groups are the ones that help shape our view of what the people in said group are or should be/do. Or are completely shaped by media/society.

Men Can be Abused too

A post I was reading by Lucius, inspired this.

I could tell you how long ago it was, or why but  I had watched this video a long time ago. It was really a video about the double standards in society in regards to domestic abuse, one of those social experiment deals. At first, it showed a couple, the man was yelling and being rough with a woman in a public street was people around watching. Someone called the cops, and a few people started to approach him. Second part of the video. Same couple, different area. This time the woman was yelling and was not just getting rough but had him pinned against a gate for some building and was hitting him. No one said anything, no one did anything, and some people were actually laughing.

I was really sad watching it.

We talk a lot about women dealing with domestic abuse, which we should. That said, we shouldn’t forget about the men. Domestic abuse isn’t always violent. In a lot of cases with women being the abuser, it is emotional/mental, though obviously not always.

It’s part of that societal view that men are supposed to be stronger than women. If a man isn’t, he isn’t really a man and should be abused or chastised. So when a woman is abusing a man, it’s thought of as funny because he is seen as weaker than her.

Just to get this straight. Men don’t have to be stronger than women, and women are not always weak.

This whole thought process makes it so some men believe they actually deserve the abuse. They can’t go to anyone because they would be seen as weak, pathetic, or society’s favorite word, pussy.  Therefore he is lesser and does not deserve respect or help. They don’t feel like they can go to police if it is physical, because “would they really believe me?”.

Complete and utter crap, and not how fellow human beings should be treated.

Personally, I’ve never understood some of these people in relationships. They constantly complain about the person they are with but stay. Me? If I feel like I’m to the point where I’m constantly complaining about that person, I’m leaving. Obviously it isn’t working out for either of us. Fix it, or leave. Complaining gets you no where.

You constantly belittle the person your with? Let them go and find someone better than you.

I’ve also (more recently from experience) find that someone will attack you to cover up their own mistakes. I brought up to a guy that I was upset about something he said. He dismissed it, so I let it go. Almost the exact same thing happened, so I was more persistent. He tried to dismiss it and when that didn’t work, he turned around and attacked me. He started calling me a liar, and bullshitter because I went to my best friend’s birthday party and there were guys there. Mind you, not my friends, her’s. One of them is her ex I hate, then his friend that’s engaged, another that will hit on anything that breathes, and another one was 19. Yup lovely bunch of men. Not to mention the fact that I had no idea who was going to be there because it was not my party.

The argument went on for two days, and became about what he was upset about instead of the original problem. Then I told him I was done. At first he tried to be sweet and tell me he just wanted me, when I didn’t go for it, he went with another tactic. He started telling me I just wanted to get rid of him and this and that. At first when he did that I argued. Then after a couple times of this I finally said no, I’m done. I deleted him and blocked him from everything so he couldn’t contact me or find out what I was doing.

My policy is, the first time, I’ll let it go. Second time, needs to be fixed or I’m leaving.

I don’t belittle and I don’t complain to others.

Went off on a bit of a tangent there. The abuse of men is something that needs to seriously be looked at.