The First Meeting

So I’ve had my first not so official meeting with some of the other people in the kindred I had just recently joined. I was really starting to feel bad. After I first met the Chieftain at Pagan Pride, he invited to me to quite a few things and the timing on each was always bad, either had plans with others already or just didn’t have the money to be driving out there. Yes it is only an hour to where they typically meet  (at the Chieftain’s house) but still.

So this past Saturday they had a community outreach thing. We gathered food, blankets, scarves, purses, backpacks, and toilets to hand out to the homeless in Saint Louis. It was some members of the kindred and some that were wiccans that were associated with the Chieftain’s wife’s friend (getting a little complicated there). It was the first time meeting the Chieftain’s wife.

I was already really nervous. I have very mild social anxiety (mostly when it is with people I don’t know) and have an anxiety issue with driving to places I’m not familiar with. I call myself the queen of getting lost, even with GPS I tend to have to turn around at least twice. It was my first time driving to Illinois (and I was making the trek alone), going to someone’s house I didn’t know to a gathering where I only really know two people (the Chieftain being one who I had met all of one time). To say the least I was super nervous.

I made it there without getting lost a single time (even though GPS was trying to take me two houses down, oh wonderful technology) and I was actually pretty calm on my drive up there.  I didn’t freak out once and that is a pretty big step for me. On the way home, that was a different story but that was more because of idiotic drivers.

I was the first to get there. I pulled up in the driveway and left my car running to knock on the door and ask where I should park. That is always an issue for me, where to park.

So I was the first to get there, and ended up hanging out with two people I never met before (the hostess and her friend). Normally I would be a nervous wreck, but I was actually calm. Got introduced a really cool band called Rising Appalachia. Not my usual kind of music but I actually really enjoy it (the hostess and her friend both Wiccan). Other people didn’t start showing up until about an hour later.

I met a lot of people, actually socialized quite a bit, helped put together the lunch bags and the toiletry bags. It was a lot of fun.

Once all that was done we all gathered into cars and went searching for the homeless.

The hostess actually does this kind of stuff quite often and knew a couple places where they would actually gather so it wasn’t very hard. Apparently there was a shelter/church of sorts that would actually boot them out at 6 a.m. (wonderful aren’t they?) so they tend to gather right next to it.

I had carpooled with the Chieftain’s wife, her friend and another guy (the only Wiccan in the car, he told me he tends to be on the more Druid side because he hates the fluffy parts of Wicca). We seemed to be out of the loop most of the time so at each stop we were there pretty much right as they got through handing out to everyone. The last stop we got there in time to hand out a couple bags. The last stop was not so good.

First of all, the moment I got out of the car I smelled the very distinct smell of weed, fresh. Priorities I guess. They were pretty ungrateful too, one very large guy kept coming over and asking for more and more stuff. We had to have enough to hand out to others. I kept my mouth shut though. Then a bit later we were sitting in the near by parking lot about to head out. There were two in a van that looked like it might have been for sale, it had numbers painted on the windshield, but I didn’t think much of it. There were a couple of kids with us, and they had gone over to the van to get them some food too. I was watching this happen in the car with the other people I carpooled with. Suddenly the sandwich in the  bag went to the ground. Didn’t think much of it, probably fell. Kid went over and picked it up and handed it back to the guy. Turn around, sandwich was back on the ground. Now I was starting to get pissed. That is when the Chieftain’s wife spoke up, telling them to get the kids away from the van. She noticed it was being done on purpose now too, and she said she saw someone go over to the van with a wad of cash in their hand (probably where the weed was being bought from). Sandwich back on the ground. The hostess’s husband went over and handed the bag back. He is a biker looking dude, long beard, and a bit of a build on him. Honestly he was kind of attractive but I digress. He said something to them, smile on his face, and the sandwich didn’t go back to the ground. I think he said something to them, probably asking them to stop so they don’t discourage the kids because up until then the kids were really enjoying themselves.

Honestly, the incident put me off a little bit. But then I remembered seeing a couple of the guys with a scarf I had bought on, big smiles on their faces. I gave what I could, mostly stuff from goodwill and 5 below ( a store that sells quite a bit of stuff that is either $5 or cheaper if you are unfamiliar) and the toiletries came from Dollar Tree. I felt kind of bad, like I didn’t give enough but I have to be able to take care of myself first. Despite that last stop, I had a pretty good time.

I learned a couple of things about this kindred that I’m joining too.

As all of you know I am pretty woo orientated, which I’m aware tends to be seen as unacceptable in the wide Heathen community.

The chieftain’s friend was a very flamboyant gay man ( not saying that as a bad thing), so I was really glad to see that. There was some drama involving him (more at him) before but he had been welcomed back and the chieftain’s wife made it very clear to the group as a whole that intolerance would not be accepted which was super awesome to see! Also on the drive the chieftain’s wife and her friend were talking about direct contact with Odin, as in Odin talking to them and giving them messages. And the Chieftain’s wife talked about a spirit she referred to as Bear contacting her. So seems to be some woo prevalent. Woo!

This was my first event with them and really a more casual way to start out with them. So far they were super nice, and seemed to like me. The Chieftain told me before leaving he hopes to see me a lot more and his wife gave me a hug. I’m meeting with them again this next coming Sunday for Yule. Nervous, again. Have to drive to Illinois again (though the Chieftain assured me it was closer than the hostess’s house), and meet even more new people, that and this is the first ritual I’ve ever gone to ever. The pressure!

I know I’ve been very quiet as of late, lots of stuff has been going on. I’m  really debating on sharing some news (it’s kinda big). I had a couple ideas of posts I wanted to do but the brain has been pretty scrambled so they just never happened.

Until next time loves.

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Fuckery that really needs attention

So Lucius Svartwulf Helson and Halstead have had their own war going on between the two. I’ve enjoyed the posts by Lucius but like I said before I usually try to stay out of the drama (as much as I actually like Lucius).

But in a comment on this post, Halstead has changed my decision to stay out of it.

In a comment he called Lucius’s Gods “sad little gods”. Keep in mind (if you didn’t figure out from this name) Lucius is a Heathen. I can tolerate attacking a person (to an extent) but start insulting my Gods, and it won’t go well for you.

Here is links to all the posts Lucius made:

If Your Paganism is Anthropocentric, I Don’t Want Your Paganism

Maybe I’m Not Here to Save Your World

Everyone Wants to Save The World Part 1

Everyone wants to save the World Part 2

Let’s Disenchant the World! Part 1

Let’s Disenchant the World! Part 2

Let’s Disenchant the World! Part 3

I Am A Special Snowflake….Apparently.

Everyone wants to save the world part 1

Everyone wants to save the world part 2

To Quote Nox: “I Warned You!” Part 1

To Quote Nox: “I Warned You!” Part 2

I am not by any means under any impression that I’m a “Big Name” but keep in mind this “Atheist Pagan”, I put it in quotes because it is on of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, is insulting our Gods and I won’t stand by for it.

Please share this shit out of this. Share it and ask others to share. Spread it around as much as you can.

Normally I wouldn’t do something like this but he really brought it on himself.

To say I’m pissed is an understatement.

Please Just Don’t

At this point I’ve been reading quite a few blogs from godspouces or just god touched people.

There is one in particular that was asking “Why does (insert deity name) treat me differently than people I know?” and then goes into a sort of that’s not fair feeling.

You really can’t compare your experience/relationship with a deity to someone else’s experience/relationship. Even if you and the person your comparing to are exactly alike in every way (unlikely, variety is the spice of life) they will still have a different experience because that deity will need something different, or that person will need something different. They can’t go around doing the same thing with every person or nothing would get done.

Example: As everyone know there are so many Loki godspouces (not saying that is necessarily a bad thing) out there. They only talk about how sweet, caring and helpful he is. To me? He is a pain in the ass. I don’t see much of him but when I do he is stirring up so very minor chaos to entertain himself with my reaction, or at least that is  how at seems to me. Only He knows if he is actually accomplishing things there.

I’ve also seen some Odin godspouces. I haven’t seen him described as sweet exactly, but their relationship is very different from mine. To me he is a bit more of a creeper who likes to loom.

It’s awesome if you have similar relationship with a deity as someone else (it’s never going to be exactly the same) so have someone to talk with about said relationship. I’d say don’t count on it too much.

Think about it. Do you treat everyone you come across exactly the same? You feel differently toward certain people, or you need something different (say as in a working type relationship) from certain people. They have feelings, and They need certain shit done too.

Trying to compare your relationship/experience to other’s (especially if it’s not so great) isn’t going to do you any favors. As a matter fact it will make you miserable (or more miserable).

Take your relationship/experience as personal and as it is. If you are wanting to know why it is that way, certainly ponder or that (or try to ask the deity, though you may not like the answer you get), but don’t worry about Their relationship with others.

All that said, don’t push others to have a relationship with (insert deity’s name) because you have such a wonderful experience with them. It probably will not work out for anyone involved.

Small rant over.

Looking More at Fenrir

“We humans fear the beast within the wolves because we do not understand the beast within ourselves”

~ Gerald Hausman

So, per the self proclaimed nerd that I am, I have been doing some research. Looking  more at Fenrir because for some reason I just kind of feel the need to.

I started out by looking at other blogs here, I find when someone talks about something in one post it tends to be a recurring thing which means more information. Plus I was interested in people’s personal opinions from experience with him.

I couldn’t find much, which was a bummer.

Looking around on the internet I found exactly what I thought I would find. Either just talking about his role in the lore, or just a lot of hate.

I came across a thread on pagan space in my search, a person asking about worshipping Fenrir. One comment was “In Asatru, worshipping Fenrir is like worshiping Satan to Christians.” Well that’s interesting. Brought up a train of thought. Enjoy the ride!

Christianity has really colored a lot of thought in society, even for those who are pretty against it. We have God, the “good guy”, and Satan or the Devil the “bad guy”. Now you look at Asatru from outside perspective. We have the Aesir and the Vanir, the “good guys” and the Jotun, Loki and his children, the “bad guys”. See where I’m going here?

But can someone really be just one thing, all good or all bad? Even just looking at the lore. Taking Loki for example: He cut off Sif’s hair, but to make up for that he not only brought her golden hair, but other gifts for the gods. Not only making up for what he took but bringing back much more. To look at things so black and white is, in my eyes, childish.

I think the post I reblogged yesterday “Fenrir was framed!” makes some pretty good points. It really points to a bit of a cycle. Odin was told a prophecy, and by trying to avoid said incident, he really is responsible for it.

In the thread I was talking about earlier, they not only vilified Fenrir but made a sort of martyr out of Tyr for the biting off of Tyr’s hand. Tyr, the God of Justice, paid a just price for tricking Fenrir in to being bound. Simply my view on the matter.

In my search I came across another blog, on a totally different site. Pretty good post not only about Fenrir, but wolves and death (where the quote came from that I love).  It’s a good read and I highly suggest it.

I think that is all for now. I still haven’t come up with my own conclusions on the wolf, or whether or not I’m going to attempt to work with him (keep in mind the energy flood incident). He has been knocking on my door again recently.

Go figure, a wolf interested in a wolf.

Happy Frigga and Freya’s day.

Dreams

So I don’t tend to dream very often, and if I do, I really don’t remember them. I’m going to start out with letting y’all know I do tend to have some rather weird dreams.

I wouldn’t think much of these dreams except there is a factor they seem to have in common, they are happening Wednesday nights.

Last Wednesday I had a dream that there was a giant leach in my house that I had to kill. Now, not much out there really freaks me out except leaches, ticks, and some mannequins. Leaches are the big one. To kill said leach I had to actually hold it, cut off it’s head and chop up the rest of it’s body. This leach was about the size of my leg. I had to look this thing in eyes (well more like the freaky fucking mouth).

Now last night I had a weird dream but wasn’t as freaky.

I was out and about for whatever reason with my best friend. We were just travelling around for no reason, but I was pregnant. No idea by who. Just travelling and coming across weird things. Like we came across a bear, that was going to attack us, but was stopped by apparently its owner. Yea, the guy owned a big brown bear.

Not sure what any of it means. Any insight would be much welcome.

Like I said, both on Wednesday (aka Wodensday, or Odin’s day)nights.

This morning on my way to work I had to hit the breaks to keep from hitting a raven. That one flew by my car, and guess what there was another one. Later in my drive, saw two ravens again.

Odin, what are you up to? Seems like he can never be direct with me.

How I See the Gods

One of the issues I tend to have when trying to find devotional pieces, like statues, is finding ones that fit Them as I see them. I believe everyone sees Them differently because They choose how They look to each person, also everyone’s “vision” is slightly different.

I’ve been trying to find a statue of Thor that I like, and it just seems that it can’t be done.

So I’m going to give you a little view on how I see them. I found images as close to the way I see Them as possible. I really wish I was better at drawing so I could get it more exactly, but I can’t draw people. I can draw anime women, and I’m not the best at that either.

Here we go!

Thor:

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This is the closest image I can find to how he appears to me. Very rugged almost biker type. Maybe he knows that's my type?

Why is every image of Thor so stern? This is the closest I can come to how I see Him. Usually he is pretty happy and has a very warm energy about him.

Freya:

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with golden blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes

This is pretty close, though I never see her with her hair pulled back. This is from an artist I found on etsy. I will probably end up buying this particular piece. Again, usually a smile on her face with a warm energy.

Frigga:

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Frigga has a soft kind of energy, almost like someone placing a blanket on you when you fall asleep on the couch. I usually see her with light brown, or darker blonde hair.

Odin:

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Odin is definitely a harder one to find. He is almost always depicted as a Gandalf the Grey type. Always very much older with grey or white hair. Not exactly how I see him. This is the closest I could ever find to how I see the Allfather. This is from the Gods of Asgard graphic novel by Erik Evensen. I actually own this, it’s pretty cool. Worth checking out if you haven’t already. Pretty good price on Amazon. His energy seems to be pretty blocked off, he mostly likes to observe and creep about with me at least. It’s kind of hard to describe.

Skadi:

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She was even more difficult to find. I don’t see her with blue skin or red eyes. I see her more as very pale with bluish grey eyes. The white hair is fitting and this is pretty similar to the way I see her hair. Either something like this or in just a simple French style braid, but it is white. Also thin out her lips a bit, and he expression is usually on the stern side. The bone structure is pretty similar though. Typically dawning a cloak. Her energy is very much on the cold side, and feels kind of distant. I spent at least an hour trying to find something. Ugh.

Loki:

Loki selfie with the Allfather. I just cant.
Loki selfie with the Allfather. I just cant.

I don’t have too many interactions with Loki, but this is the closest I could find what I see. Round out the chin a bit. The energy is actually warm but it always has the feeling of something hidden underneath. Probably because he is planning something. I don’t hate the guy but he can be a real pain in the ass. And I can kind of see him doing this.

Fenrir:

Fenrir_wolf_Fenris_wolf

Fenrir is the interesting one. I never “saw” him. He kind of did a metaphorical knock on my door. This picture is kind of the best imagery to go along with the wave of energy that came in when I agreed to let him through. Seriously scared me. He was polite enough though. I may give him a change again later, but he will kind of have to work with me a bit.

Other stuff I found:

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Hel art. I wanted to share it simply because I think it is absolutely beautiful. Personally, though, I’ve never done any work with Hel.

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Two others I came across on the search for pictures. The first one I wanted to post because I find it very sweet. Second one is because the little part on the bottom. Chibi Loki on chibi Thor’s shoulders screaming “Onward Thor!” was too funny. Thor was not amused but Freya and I got a good laugh out of it.

So there you have it folks! This, again, is just what I see/feel. Please share your experience!

New Stuffs Happening

So as I had said in my last normal post, I was going to confer with Frigga on the subject.

 Wasn’t previously in contact with her so I figured now was the perfect opportunity to maybe try to start a relationship with Allmother.

Making contact was really quite easy, but hasn’t gone as planned.

Mostly her poking me to get my space cleaned up and start doing more chores around the house. Not exactly what I was expecting.

She talks to me kind of like a mother talks to her child. Been very encouraging and nurturing.

Her and Freya get a long a lot better than Freya did with Skadi (who by the way is still MIA). Not sure exactly why, but my little gang here is taking on an interesting dynamic. Frigga and Freya act a bit like sisters, with Frigga being the oldest. Which changed the dynamic a bit to Frigga acting like a mom and Freya taking on the crazy aunt role. Leaving Thor as a sort of boyfriend type role, with Frigga side eyeing him, but she is also more or less his step-mother.

It’s just interesting.

Throw in Odin popping in now.

Remember that unknown entity that seemed to be following me? Yea, that was Odin, scoping me out. He was deciding on whether or not he wanted to work with me. Apparently he still hasn’t decided, but since Frigga is about, he wants to take on a sort of fatherly role now.

I swear they love hanging out in packs.