Really Just Sad – Part II

Part One

I wasn’t really planning on making a second part to this. This second part won’t be as…. well, emotional. This one is going to be more about something that irritates me, and will be shorter.

So I’ve talked before about the Heathen pages on Facebook and them constantly posting almost nude women irritated me (here is the whole rant if interested). Now, I’m not one of the ones to comment bitching about it. At this point I just shrug it off.

Sometimes though, I do look at the comments just to see if anything surprising pops up.

And this morning, I got a good one.

The picture was pretty nice, not gonna lie, but again was looking for a surprise in the comments. A man commented on the relevance of the picture to our religion. He wasn’t really complaining, just questioning what it had to do with anything. Oh, and boy did he get attacked.

The first reply to it was no shocker, called him gay. Because apparently if you are a male and don’t drool and made obscene comments about an almost naked woman you have to love dick. Perfectly logical.

This is exactly what happens. I’ve seen posts on Facebook (not Heathen related pages) about a guy being told he is gay because he didn’t take advantage of a passed out girl, with the comment that he would rather be called gay than a rapist.

That’s really fucking pathetic.

That is really part of the problem that society has, something that blocks men from being able to be themselves rather than fit this macho over sexed mold.

It really puts men as the predators with this kind of attitude. And the predator can never be the prey. See how these posts connect?

Really Just Sad

So this particular post is going to get a bit into some men’s rights and treatment of men.

Last weekend (not this past one, the one before that) after coming back from Texas I spent the night with my boyfriend. Watched Supernatural (which he addicted to thanks to yours truly) cuddling, drank and went to bed. Going to bed never goes right into sleeping. We cuddled for awhile and he started talking, and then started crying. Mind you he was pretty drunk.

But he was crying because he felt like he didn’t deserve me. Crying because he didn’t have a job, or a car, and lived in his grandmother’s basement, and I was too good for him.

Made me really sad that he didn’t see himself for what he is. It also made me sad because in reality, a shallower woman would brush him off completely for those reasons alone.

But I know him. It’s not exactly a situation the he wants to be in. He is trying to get a job, and get a car, and that’s what matters to me. I try to tell him how amazing he is, and how lucky I am to have him.

It’s really just sad that it hit him like that. Batman (what I call my boyfriend) is actually more of a masculine type guy (think Thor type, he even has a red beard) so the fact that it hit him that hard really is just sad, of course didn’t help he had drank quite a bit of whiskey.

I just continued to cuddle with him and wiped his tears away. He calmed down, we cuddled more, and then had a bit of fun.

Now, fast forward to yesterday. I spent Saturday night with him after my best friend’s house warming party, which was fun.

Sidenote: My best friend’s roommate is a transgendered woman and how accepting Batman is and how easily he deals with it is amazing.

Woke up in a very wonderful way yesterday morning. We hung out in bed for awhile just to be attacked by his Australian Shepherd and two cats. It was fun. Got up, went out to eat, then went back to talk for a bit.

Now, Batman and I are two pretty quiet people. Not sure how that works out, but it does. I do on occasion get into very talkative mood. What brought it on? We started talking about religion. Not sure how it started. Batman (to my surprise, I always thought he was Atheist) is a bit of an Animist, but he was interested in some of the Norse stories. I told him a few, didn’t have enough time to get into even half of the lore based stories. The ones I got into though, he enjoyed.

Anyway, that got me in a talkative mood, and as you guys know I have a tendency to jump around on subjects.

We ended up talking about the time his friend got in trouble by the law. He hit the woman he was with because she was coming at him with a knife.

I will go on record saying the whole “there is never a reason to hit a woman, ever” is bullshit. Men have the right to defend themselves, doesn’t matter the gender of the attacker. I have seen some very violent and psycho women that really do need to get knocked on their ass.

How do those stories tie together you might ask.

Emotional and physical abuse, men can be the victims of both at the hands of women and it isn’t something that is talked about enough.

In the physical abuse, men tend to feel trapped because they get told they can’t fight because the fact she is a woman. In emotional abuse, they tend to get caught in the same loop women who endure emotional abuse go through. They believe they deserve it, or the abuser tricks them into thinking no one else will ever love them.

It is being talked more than before (that’s compared to not at all) but not enough for real progress to be made.

Trigger Words

I feel a bit like an old fart sometimes. Outside of this (if it counts) the only form of social media I’m really involved in is Facebook. I have a Twitter account but I don’t do anything with it anymore. So obviously I’m not on Tumblr. I have a couple of pages I follow that take funny screen shots of stuff from Tumblr, so I get highlights. From what I’ve heard, generally tends to be a lot of drama.

Well, one of those pages, had a shot of someone on Tumblr making fun of people on Tumblr who have issues with “trigger words”. Specifically talking about extreme cases. This was all new information to me. And it really brought up a train of thought for me.

Basically a trigger word is a word that reminds a person of something bad that happened in their life, giving them flash backs. Some people take it to a bit of an extreme, for some it is completely understandable.

Here is where I have a problem.

I understand something can end up reminding you of a not exactly pleasant experience in your life. That does not mean you can dictate what other people say/post. If you want to unfollow them or ignore them because of that particular trigger, well that is completely your right to do so and is certainly the better option. That instead of “what you said makes me think of this, so you need to stop saying that”.

It seems now who ever is more offended is right.

No.

That’s really what the whole freedom of religion act argument has turned in to.

“Your sexual orientation offends me because of my religion, so I have the right to not be involved in your ceremony.”

“Well you being offended by my sexual orientation offends me.”

“You being offended by me being offended because of my religion offends me.”

Ugh. It goes on and on and on.

Side note about that pizza place that was just about shut down because of what they said on the news: Who is really going to have a pizza place cater for their wedding?

You have the right to be offended, you do not have the right to dictate what other’s say or do because you are offended. Things get a bit more complicated when religion gets involved, but I digress.

Freedom of speech is not conditional. It’s not “you have the right to say what you want unless it offends me”. If that were the case no one would be able to talk, because just about anything anyone says can offend someone somewhere.

Kind of goes along the lines of the misandrists that parade around as feminists, giving actual feminists a bad name. The (man hating) crap they spew upsets me, but they have the right say what they do. In turn, I have the right to feel that the stuff they say is a bunch of crap. Doesn’t mean I can sit there and tell them they can’t say it.

Just my thoughts on the matter.

Slut Shaming

So I found out this morning that my 11 year old niece is being called a slut by here classmates.

Seriously?

She is 11!

Just really ticks me off. Not only because she is my niece (which is a big part of it) but because slut shaming is starting so young.

My niece, just like me, developed early. For some reason that makes you perfect for bullying, especially from other girls. Like there is some kind of assumption that you have control over your own body and you wanted to develop before anyone else so you could get all the boys’ attention.

This is something so rampant in today’s society and it’s pretty obvious why. It’s a Christian concept.

I was on Facebook the other day, and on my news feed there was this article called “Spirit Husbands”. I thought well that makes sense, lets read this!

It was a Christian article, telling women that sex toys, porn, and masturbation are keeping God from finding them a good husband. That this behavior attracts some sort of sexual demon that attaches to you. So throw away all your sex toys, porn, and clear your thoughts of anything sexual!

Ugh!

I started reading the comments, and I was a little proud (though some pissed me off). There were a lot of women complaining about this being directed only towards women. There were some women agreeing with this, and every man that commented was agreeing.

It’s a pretty old way of thinking. Women’s sexuality is demonized (in this case quite literally) but male sexuality is perfectly normal and more so, expected.

A woman that can pleasure herself, doesn’t need a man to do so. Therefore, she has power over her own body. We can’t have that!

*I interrupt this rant with a disclaimer: Obviously men are not just good for sexual purposes, a good man can offer good companionship and someone who can fight by your side. This rant is about sexuality, so that is what I’m going to be talking about here*

Sexuality is supposed to be a male thing. If it’s masculine that means there is power behind it. Power women are not supposed to have.

Society is very slowly becoming more sex positive but it is slow goings.

People don’t seem to realize that this view point causes harm to men too.

That men are seen as purely sexual creatures, means that any time they are sexually assaulted or raped it is shrugged off. “Men love sex, how could they not enjoy that?”

Hate to break it to y’all, but men don’t always want sex. Hel, there are some men who identify as asexual.

Men are allowed to not want sex, just as much as women are allowed to want it.

This stupid shit needs to stop.

Per usual, I feel like this post was a little scattered, so I hope everyone can follow my crazy train of thought.

Are you kidding me?

I’ve been very sick the last couple of days, and had a date on Saturday. I’ll talk a little bit more about that in another post, for those (if any) are curious. It’s been a little….well, odd.

I had a couple of what the fuck moments these past couple days.

I’m going to talk about the most recent first because it’s fresh in my mind.

I was standing in the checkout line, waiting my turn after doing some grocery shopping.

Side note, grocery shopping tends to make me a bit homicidal. I just want to get in and get my stuff and then get out. That’s it! People constantly cut me off, or block up the whole aisle while they stare at something deciding which brand they want, or walk super slow in front of me. When I get in that store I’m a woman on a mission. No browsing for this girl.

Anywho, back on topic.

At pretty much any grocery store, at the register there is always a thing of different crap magazines, talking about what celebrity did what. My favorite *insert sarcasm* is Cosmopolitan.

On Sunday, it was a super long line, so I looked over. I saw Hilary Duff on the cover of Cosmo, which was a shocker and why I kept looking. Haven’t seen her since Lizzy Maguire days. That’s when I came across the little headline on it “The #1 Thing Men Are Good For (Besides You Know)”

What the fuck?

 I feel like this is something we don’t talk enough about as feminists (at least the not misandrists, actual feminists). Women wanting to be equal, but still wanting men to fit in these neat little box. They want macho men that will pay the bills, work on the house, and protect their family. But he better not want her to cook!

Want to know what a man is good for? Well, hopefully I would say you got with him for a not superficial reason like financial support, but because he makes you laugh, or is very loving, maybe he is the only one that gets your personal brand of weird. Whatever it is, there probably isn’t one number one thing. Each person is different. You can’t say “all of one group is good at this”. If your reason is financial stability, or someone to work on your house? Leave him. He deserves someone so much better than you.

How would you like it if there was a men’s magazine talking about how women are only good for cooking, or doing your laundry, (because we aren’t counting the “you know” thing which I’m sure is referring to sex) or whatever thing women were expected to do before we could get jobs?

Same concept.

If you are with someone just for the sex, I don’t see anything wrong with that, as long as you make it perfectly clear that it is the only reason. And I say that for both men and women (and everything in between). If you make it clear from the very beginning, it isn’t your fault if feelings get involved, which they most likely will. I know that isn’t a popular concept with women. If it is made very clear from the beginning you can’t blame anyone but yourself. Sorry, thems the facts.

I didn’t even bother looking at said magazine, just really using it as a base for my own rant.

The other what the fuck moment.

I watch YouTube videos by a Phillip DeFranco. He really cracks me up.

Anyway, he had made a video commenting about this “feminist”.

She had used a donor to get pregnant (nothing wrong with that), but the problem started when she found out the gender of the baby.

I’m sure you can tell where this is going.

The baby turned out to be male, or as far as they can tell. And she aborted.

Now, I personally do not agree with abortion, but that as an opinion for me only. I don’t see it as an option for myself. I don’t judge women who do it, it is their body after all.

This is something completely different.

She wanted the child. This was completely on purpose. She got a donor; this wasn’t the result of rape, or incest.

No, she simply didn’t want to bring another male in to the world.

Un fucking believable.

You would think, maybe she would take the opportunity to raise a good man, one that will treat women with respect, and to respect himself.

No. Because he was going to be born with an appendage between his legs, he wasn’t worthy of life.

Just sickens me.

Little side note. When they were trying to figure out my gender, apparently I wouldn’t sit still for the ultrasound so they originally thought I was going to be a boy. But, I was born a girl. My mom actually wanted a boy since she already had a daughter, but she got her boy after me. Either way, she was happy with the child she got.

Women, please stop!

Feminists tend to get a bad rep for being men haters, so I’m going to get on women a bit. This is going to include just some of my own personal pet peeves, but mostly going to be genuine issues that are really just hurting women as a whole in their fight to be seen as equals. Also some of the stuff women do to put men down, which hurts equality for women too though you may not realize it. Being equal does not mean put others down or taking away from others.

When a guy comes up to you and starts flirting with you, or maybe even hitting on you, unless he is actually being rude and/or obnoxious about it, your first reaction should not be to be a complete bitch and/or put him down. With some guys, it may have taken a lot of courage for him to approach you. All you have to do is say “I’m sorry, I’m not interested,” in a polite tone. Now, if he keeps pushing it, by all means do what you need to do to get him to leave you alone. You’ve already made it clear you’re not interested, obviously you will need to be a bit more rough to get the point through. Most of the time though, if you are polite, it won’t take any more than that.

Stop judging other women’s bodies or what they choose to put on said body. If she is comfortable enough to go out in what she is wearing, it is her decision to put what she wants on her own body. The media is probably already telling her that she needs to lose weight; she doesn’t need your help. Just mind your own business.

Stop compliment fishing. If someone wants to compliment you, they will. If they feel they have to it isn’t going to be genuine either. Asking if something is nice or looks nice is a different story. Asking if that dress makes you look fat or makes your butt look big is dumb. No one is going to tell you that it does so obviously you just want to be told you look good. Stop it.

This one is aimed at feminists. If a guy opens a door for you or pulls out your chair, the appropriate response is “thank you” not “I can do it myself” or any other form of being rude. He isn’t trying to make you seem weak, he is being polite. I hold doors open for other people all the time, men and women both. It isn’t because I don’t think they can open the door themselves, it’s just a nice thing to do.

If you are a feminist yet still jam out to rap, the most women objectifying genre, shut your mouth. If you are shaking your ass to “skeet, skeet, skeet” (if you don’t know what that word means, look it up) than you don’t then get to turn around and say men only look at women as sexual objects. Why? Because you are helping perpetrate that kind of mind set. Going out and having a good time by dancing at a club is obviously ok. Go and have a good time, but maybe listen to the lyrics every once in a while.

Stop calling yourself a “bad bitch”. Saying that makes me think you are a “stupid bitch”.  I’m sure I’m going to get a lot of slack for this one. If you are truly what a “bad bitch” is thought to be (I actually see it more from teenagers, so no your not) than you really wouldn’t in fact need to call yourself that, and most likely wouldn’t feel the need to either.

Stop blaming men for you being single. Just because you are a good person (and let’s be honest, you might not be if you feel the need to blame others for your problems) doesn’t mean you are going to be compatible with every guy. That just isn’t how it works. Obviously you just haven’t found one that is compatible with you, so stop blaming men for it. Also, side note, stop getting mad at all men just because one treated you like crap. It’s just dumb. Not every man is responsible for the stuff one pulled. They actually in fact are not all the same. I know. This is some kind of new way of thinking. Isn’t it amazing!

Stop kissing other women for male attention. As a bisexual woman (yup I’m bi) that shit is not only annoying, but it is confusing as hell.

Get over the “damsel in distress” syndrome. Fix your problems yourself. Yea, obviously there are going to be things you don’t know how to fix. That isn’t actually what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is those women who are trying to find a man to get her away from her crappy family, or to help her with her financial issues, or to just protect her, or to help her support her kid (meaning just trying to find a father for her child). Men are not put on this earth to be our problem solvers. You will never be considered equal if you put them above you by wanting them to solve all your problems. If you feel like you need to be protected, take some self-defense classes, or learn how to use some kind of weapon. Again, take care of yourself. Maybe self-reliance is just a Heathen thing? *sigh*

Stop expecting men to buy you crap. Nine times out of ten, they have their own bills to pay. So he probably doesn’t have the extra money to buy you that super expensive necklace that you just must have. If you can’t get it, he probably can’t either. Oh, and stop just dropping hints or being difficult if he asks you what you want for a birthday or anniversary. Just tell the poor guy. While we are on that subject. If he constantly forgets your birthday or anniversary, just start reminding him. Honestly I forget that stuff all the time too. Some people just have bad memories. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t think it’s important.

Stop playing ditzy. That isn’t cute. Just makes you look stupid. If you got brains, show it off. If not, work on it. Knowledge is power ladies. If the guy likes stupid girls, he isn’t mature enough for you anyway.

Stop getting with a guy because you think you can change him. You can’t. He is the only one that can make that change.

Seriously, one of the things I don’t understand (and actually pisses me off) is the whole alimony thing. Child support I understand. Though with child support, they should investigate and make sure it is in fact going to the child. But alimony makes absolutely no sense to me, and frankly I think it should be stopped. If you don’t work (and/or never worked) but are getting a divorce from the person that supported you, sounds like it’s your problem. With that said, again, don’t get with someone just to help you with your financial situation. This is why I don’t understand women who don’t get a job because they want something like a sugar daddy. You are just screwing yourself over, because now if that doesn’t work out, you have no work experience to be able to support yourself. You screwed yourself over, so I don’t think he should have to pay for that. It isn’t right.

Stop with the slut shaming. What a woman does with her body is her business. A slut is typically what a woman is called if she sees sex the same way most men do. What she does with her body is her business and you have no right to even judge her.

This is the most important one.

Stop calling rape when you were either lied to by the guy or simply regret sleeping with him. Two major reasons why (in case you’re dense enough to not understand why it’s not ok). First and foremost you are ruining someone’s life. If they are found guilty, you are sending an innocent man to prison, where he will be punished by other inmates for raping a woman he actually didn’t. Even if he isn’t found guilty, he will be labeled as an accused rapist for the rest of his life. This could cause him to lose friends, maybe some family members, make getting a job harder (if it makes it to court it will be on his record) and getting a relationship harder. Secondly, it makes it that much harder for real rape victims to get justice. If enough women cry rape, they will think all women are doing so. That means they have to get incredibly insulting questions about their sex life and so on. Just fucking quit.

That is all I can think of for now.

Bring on the lynch mob!

Context, Context, Context

This a particular post that I was debating on whether or not I would do. I feel the need to do it to give a bit more of my history. It will really kind of shed some light on where I’m coming from on certain things. So here goes! A little nervous about sharing this much about me.

I was born in Dallas, Texas though I wasn’t raised there. Before I turned one, my mom and dad decided to go with my grandparents back to Missouri (this is where my mom is originally from).

Not long after they split. I later found out my mom left my dad for my younger brother’s dad.

Let me tell you a bit about my dad. He is 14 years older than my mother. He is quite a bit of traveler. He likes to call himself an old hippie but he is very republican. He is a musician by profession. Even at 61 he is still performing. He used to be a bit of a bigger deal in his younger days, he’s even performed with Willie Nelson. Now he just does gigs at bars (he does he paid pretty well, he is very professional) and teaches kids how to play instruments. He is a singer and mostly plays bass, though he can do guitar. One of my fondest memories as a kid was when I would wake up to hearing him practice in another room. He is an amazing singer and I’m really proud of him. He is a bit of a complicated creature. He has tried hard with me (I’m the baby of his kids). When I was teenager he would lecture me about the way I dress. I would typically only wear black concert t-shirts for heavy metals bands, jeans, and converses. He told me the way I dress will only attract dead beats with no job. It was kind of a situation of “dad, I’m 14, you don’t want me with a guy that has a job because he is probably quite a bit older than me”. He also lectured me about burping in public. Said it wasn’t lady like. Yea, I’m still not very lady like. Now that I’m older, he tries his best to not lecture me. He did give me a little crap about my tattoo (oh dad you are in for a ride now that I make good money and can afford more) and about me smoking. I figured that would be that case, but he is my dad.

Now, getting back on track.

My little brother’s dad is where I picked up my taste in music (meaning mostly heavy metal) and a lot of my goofiness from, not mention my temper. He is no longer my step dad but he still a part of my life and despite everything, I still love him. He is the one that raised me after all.

When I was growing up, he had a big problem with gambling and (something I found out when I got older) meth. He was almost bipolar. He would go from happy-go-lucky goof ball to a walking monster. I distinctly remember what happened. I was playing and he was at the computer online gambling. I wasn’t being careful and I accidently hit him. He grabbed the 2×4 that was in the room because of some fixing up they were trying to do. I tried to hide behind my mother, and she wouldn’t protect me. My mother and I were the ones that bore the grunt of his temper.

The only safe haven I had from this, was going to visit my father. He still lived in Texas at the time, but he would come up to Missouri to either come get me and bring me back to Texas for a week or just stay in the state with me for a week. When we stayed in state, we would stay with his sister. At the time my family still had a music store (music is a big part of my father’s side of my family)so he would work there while he was in state. It would be late nights he would be working, so I would just stay at my aunts with my two cousins. My male cousin took advantage of this. I didn’t know at the time what was being done to me, only now as an adult can I tell you. My male cousin, every time we were alone, would molest me. I knew enough to tell him to stop, but he would always just say he wasn’t doing anything. It escalated the last time I stayed the night there. I was staying in the guest room, and he was out on a date that night. I thought I was safe. He was still gone when I went to sleep. I woke up, and had no idea where I was. I had never been in his room before. I had only opened my eyes, and then closed them again, trying my best to seem like I was still asleep. After he was done he left the room. When he came back I pretended I had just woken up. He told me I was crying in my sleep so he brought me in there with him. He let me go back into my own room. I never reported him. I didn’t even know what he had done to me at the time. When I got older, and realized what had actually happened, I didn’t know what to do about it. I thought it was far too late. Now that I know what I should have done, he is dead. He was shot in the back by his probation officer. Some justice was done about the emotional scarring I now carry with me.

All the while, I had barely any friends in school. I got made of often for being as poor as we were. There were several times growing up that we were afraid we were going to lose our home. We had to choose between eating and paying the bills. All the money that was saved up for my sister and me for college was taken to make sure we had a home to grow up in. My mother picked up drinking, and ended up just drinking all the time.

My mom and my little brother’s dad got into a big argument and he ran to his sister’s house. This was finally the push my mom needed. She told him to not come back. They got a divorce when I was about 11.

Not long after my mother got reconnected with a man she was friends with in high school. She already knew his whole family. Thus brought in step-dad number 2.

Everything was fine at first. Nice guy and we all go along. Everything changed after they got married. He would spend more and more time working outside and not really associating with any of us. Then he started talking down to my mom, then my sister, then me, then my younger brother. It got worse and worse. When anyone else was around or we were at church, he was nice helpful happy-go-lucky guy. He even acted that way with his family. But as soon as it was only us, he started in again. Finally, I snapped. I was the only one that stood up to him, and we would go head to head. He hated me, and I hated him. He didn’t like me because I wasn’t what he thought a girl should be. I didn’t like him because the way he treated my family.

My mom ended up getting into an accident at work.

My mom has worked in factories for as long as I can remember, and has had only one hand since before I was born. She had lost her fingers to a machine in a factory. Now, her only good hand was broken, but from a machine in a factory. I took over in the home. I was the one that did all the cleaning and cooking. Despite all that step-dad 2 called me a lazy fat ass behind my back. The only problem was I was really close to his family. They all love me, and even to this day still consider me a part of their family.

They split right before my 16th birthday, so I didn’t get to spend that one with people I had grown close to. I didn’t get to celebrate many birthdays growing up. Usually only the big ones. Other than that, my present was my birthday cake and that was it. I was actually the only one that had to miss out on birthdays, but that is the joy of being the middle child.

About a year after, my mom got with step-dad number 3, my current step dad. We have our issues, but all around we get along and he is a great guy. He and R had a lot of issues for a while but honestly it was mostly her being super dramatic. Now we are all close again. He helped me get the job I have now and my car (meaning he cosigned for it, it was only my money going into it). I’m grateful for him.

Not long after my mom and my little brother’s dad split he finally got clean. He was very apologetic for what he did, and to this day he cries when he thinks about it. This is the reason why we are close now. I can’t hold his transgressions against him when he has worked so hard to get from that low point. And not all the times were bad.

So there you have it. I’m both strong and fragile because of my past. I have confidence and daddy issues. I have a hard time feeling comfortable around men. I didn’t come out unscathed by any means, but it is what made me who I am now. It is all behind me, but still a part of me. I’ve gotten a lot better than I used to be. A couple years ago whenever a man would touch me I would freeze up. I’ve gotten over that now. It’s all a work in progress. Freya and Thor are working to heal these scars and Skadi is trying to make me stronger, but it will take time.

Just one more point.

See all the shit I’ve been through and I still don’t hate men. Hmmm.

Sorry, I know this post is kind of sporadic and all over the place. With this kind of thing I have a lot of issues organizing my thoughts.

 

More Feminist Stuff Part 1- Topless Wednesday?

So I’m going to touch on a few things that have been brought to my attention from my more-feminist-than-me friend.

We worked together at Wal-Mart. Everyone called her my work girlfriend. We were pretty close, but sometimes she can be a bit of an acquired taste.

I say she is more feminist than me for a couple of reasons. Feminist issues are about half if not more of the stuff she posts on Facebook, where in with me most of my stuff is Supernatural, Lord of the Rings/Hobbit, Batman or Ironman related. I do sometime go on what I life to call feminist-issue-posting sprees. Usually happens when I’m going through Upworthy.

Let’s start this thing!

First, she started with her profile picture being her topless and only covering her chest with her arm (something I can’t do without flashing all the little children, my arm simply isn’t big enough). It wasn’t her trying to be sexy or just get male attention. It was a statement on equality. It’s a part of the whole topless women movement. Women feel they should have the same right as men in their choice of clothing, i.e. they can go out topless in public without being hit with public indecency charges.

Personally, I don’t subscribe to this. Let me explain first that I have no issue with women wanting to go around topless. I just won’t be joining in on that. My problem with this form of wanting equality is it really is based in a belief that men and women are the same.

Wrong.

Yes we deserve equal right but we are not the same and it goes down into your DNA. Now, with everything there are exceptions to the rule and that would be anyone who falls under the genderqueer umbrella. If you asked someone who was born male but identifies as a woman, or vice versa would tell you there is a definite difference between the genders or they wouldn’t need to differentiate that they are not the gender they were born as. Genderfluid people are different, but not everyone is genderfluid.

There is one area where I have a bit of mixed feelings about this particular issue, and that is breast-feeding. I believe women shouldn’t be shamed for breast-feeding in public. This is an incredibly natural thing, yet people act like it’s disgusting. The baby needs to be fed, and that is the most healthy and nutritional (assuming the mother is taking care with what she puts in her body) way for that baby to be fed.

Again, if women want to go around topless, that’s their choice. I won’t participate and here is why. For me, my body is special. Only certain people get to see it. That is my personal choice. Now, I don’t exactly dress all that modestly (though compared to some women I might as well be Amish, but it’s their body, their choice on how much they want to show). I do show a little cleavage, and on the rare occasion, a little leg. That is what I am comfortable with. My feeling is if everyone gets to see it, there is no meaning behind it. It’s an intimate thing. When I choose to share my body with someone, it means they have something that others don’t, whatever it is that caused that connection between us.  However, if I have children, I would want to be able to breast feed my child whenever it is needed. Yes, breast-feeding is an intimate thing too. Not in the sexual way (the over sexualization of the female body is what causes breast-feeding to become something that is almost taboo) but in the way that is closeness, a bonding between a mother and her child. Something very special. The fact of the matter is, when a woman becomes a mother, her body isn’t the same. That is not a bad thing. The need women feel to fit in the societal view of women as sexual creatures causes some women to resent their children for “ruining their body”. No hun, your body is not ruined, just changed. You have changed into a mother, and personally, I think that makes you more beautiful. If your man thinks your body is ruined, he isn’t a man but a child that still needs to grow up. He doesn’t deserve a beautiful woman such as yourself.

The difference between being just topless as a woman and breastfeeding in public? Context. I’ll say it one more time, I have no problem with women wanting to be topless in public, but the true difference between that and breastfeeding is one is just for being comfortable or considered equal and the other is taking care of another human being. A human being that depends on you completely.

It’s kind of a complicated subject for me. Fact is, if you are a woman and want to be able to be topless in public, I’m ok with that (last time I’ll say it I promise). I personally though, will only fight for the right to breastfeed when it is needed without needing to hide it.

This ended up being a little longer than I originally intended, so I will be breaking these up into several posts.

Men and rape – things are changing and not in the way you might think

“And now the real surprise: when asked about experiences in the last 12 months, men reported being “made to penetrate”—either by physical force or due to intoxication—at virtually the same rates as women reported rape (both 1.1 percent in 2010, and 1.7 and 1.6 respectively in 2011).

In other words, if being made to penetrate someone was counted as rape—and why shouldn’t it be?—then the headlines could have focused on a truly sensational CDC finding: that women rape men as often as men rape women.

The CDC also reports that men account for over a third of those experiencing another form of sexual violence—“sexual coercion.” That was defined as being pressured into sexual activity by psychological means: lies or false promises, threats to end a relationship or spread negative gossip, or “making repeated requests” for sex and expressing unhappiness at being turned down.”

This is something I came across when reading an article on the Time website “The CDC’s Rape Numbers Are Misleading“. If you get a chance to read it, I would. Very interesting stuff. I’m just wanting to point out something from it.

Let me start out by talking a bit about how Feminism has now stretched to not only covers rights for women anymore, but that of the LGBTQ community and even men (again why misandrists are not feminists).

The very core of feminism is equality.

One of the issues that is now being brought up is about men being raped. Not only it is a very real thing but it isn’t just men raping men (typically thought of as a prison inmate practice) but women raping men as well. The “forced to penetrate” thing mentioned above. It’s very possible. Just like with women, the male sex organ being active doesn’t necessarily mean that the male is enjoying what’s happening or is consenting. It is truly a biological process. It reacts to stimulation whether the person wants that stimulation or not (same does happen to female rape victims and makes the victim that much less likely to report the crime).

The reason that people tend not to believe that men could be raped is mostly “Well guys just want sex all the time anyway.” And this is one of the things that really does a disservice to men (along with something else I will talk about at a later date). Really just treating men like animals that only care about sex and don’t care where it comes from. Men have standards too. Getting just a bit off my intended topic here. Just wanted to make sure I mentioned all this before I move on to my problem with what the CDC calls “sexual coercion“.

My main issue: making multiple requests for sex and showing unhappiness at being turned down. Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, if someone is trying to get you to have sex with them and you turn them down, of course they are going to be sad or upset about being turned down! Who is actually happy about being rejected? Especially for something as personal as sex. If someone turns you down for a simple romp in the sheets usually means they don’t find you attractive (or your a shitty person, in which case you probably deserve to be turned down) which is a major hit to the ego.

If we really want this to fall under rape or sexual assault than the numbers of both are going to go WAY up! I mean whenever I’ve turned down a guy there was always more requests than the initial one that was declined and the guy was always upset about being rejected but I didn’t consider it coercion or sexual assault or anything. Absolutely ridiculous.

Here is another point I want to make. If you get drunk, go home with a ten and wake up with a two (so to speak) that is not forced penetration or rape. It just isn’t. That goes for both men and women and everything in between. Being drugged would obviously (or I hope its obvious) is a completely different story.

And how about all those women that slept with a man because he told her he loves her but lied. Is that sexual coercion? No. I don’t think the “lies or false promises” bit should be considered. People lie. Its human nature. Bribing on the other hand (like offering you a raise if you sleep with him/her as an example) that is kind of…..iffy. Not exactly a threat to fire you, or threatening you in some other manner (unless that is the case which is a totally different story, definitely fits the bill) so it’s not really coercion. The choice is still yours.

Any thoughts, absolutely feel free to comment. Again, check out the full article if you get the chance. Here’s the link:

 http://time.com/3393442/cdc-rape-numbers/

Feminist Vs. Misandrist

First let us take a look at the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition for Feminism:

fem·i·nism

noun \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\

: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities

Now Misandry:

mis·an·dry

noun \ˈmi-ˌsan-drē\

:  a hatred of men

See the difference? Notice Feminism says men and women should have equal right, not that women should be above men, or the belief that women are better than men. There are a lot of misandrists that parade around, disguising themselves as feminists.

I am a feminist (I know, *gasp*!) and I don’t hate men. There are specific men that I hate but that is another story for another time. I don’t think women should be above men. I don’t think that all sex is rape because women can’t truly enjoy sex (as a matter of fact I usually do enjoy it quite thoroughly, but when I don’t, it’s not rape, just bad choice in partner).

When I tell people I am a feminist I always end up cowering down and back tracking a bit by saying “well, really more of an equalist.” That is because of theses women who are actually misandrists. It’s upsetting. I should be able to be proud of wanting men and women to be equals, not ashamed because some women walk around spewing hate about the male gender (even those that don’t actually identify as male but had the misfortune of being born with an extra appendage between their legs) and call it feminism.

It gives the rest of a bad name.

I don’t have any animosity toward the male gender as a whole. In fact there are some men that I actually love and quite a few that I like.

If there are any of these said women reading this I have a simple request.

Either stop calling yourself a feminist, or Quit Your Shit!