Ch-ch-changes

So to give everyone a heads up, I’m going to be making a lot of changes here.

There are reasons for this and I will share, but that will most likely be after all the changes are made on here.

Just a few updates for the moment.

I am single again, and the ex and has been going a little crazy on me. I wasn’t planning on breaking up with him yet but he had decided to start an argument with me and tried to blame the kindred for me changing. If the kindred is responsible for any changes in me, they are changes for the better and I will not apologize for that.

Speaking of the kindred, it has been going very well with them. They have made me feel welcome from day one. We had a ritual for Freyr and one for the Disir. I will expand on those in a more detailed post about the goings on there. All good things!

The seer for the kindred (who apparently chose to stay anonymous to keep things from getting awkward) had a vision about me. The chieftain’s wife (who is really becoming one of my favoritest people) forwarded it to me. Really freaked me out that that she knew it was about me because there was a lot of stuff in there that was super personal, that no one really knows.

There will be a separate post on that as well. That vision is really what has started prompting these changes.

At this point just touching base a little bit.

More to come.

Until next time my loves.

And keep Thor in Thorsday!

The First Meeting

So I’ve had my first not so official meeting with some of the other people in the kindred I had just recently joined. I was really starting to feel bad. After I first met the Chieftain at Pagan Pride, he invited to me to quite a few things and the timing on each was always bad, either had plans with others already or just didn’t have the money to be driving out there. Yes it is only an hour to where they typically meet  (at the Chieftain’s house) but still.

So this past Saturday they had a community outreach thing. We gathered food, blankets, scarves, purses, backpacks, and toilets to hand out to the homeless in Saint Louis. It was some members of the kindred and some that were wiccans that were associated with the Chieftain’s wife’s friend (getting a little complicated there). It was the first time meeting the Chieftain’s wife.

I was already really nervous. I have very mild social anxiety (mostly when it is with people I don’t know) and have an anxiety issue with driving to places I’m not familiar with. I call myself the queen of getting lost, even with GPS I tend to have to turn around at least twice. It was my first time driving to Illinois (and I was making the trek alone), going to someone’s house I didn’t know to a gathering where I only really know two people (the Chieftain being one who I had met all of one time). To say the least I was super nervous.

I made it there without getting lost a single time (even though GPS was trying to take me two houses down, oh wonderful technology) and I was actually pretty calm on my drive up there.  I didn’t freak out once and that is a pretty big step for me. On the way home, that was a different story but that was more because of idiotic drivers.

I was the first to get there. I pulled up in the driveway and left my car running to knock on the door and ask where I should park. That is always an issue for me, where to park.

So I was the first to get there, and ended up hanging out with two people I never met before (the hostess and her friend). Normally I would be a nervous wreck, but I was actually calm. Got introduced a really cool band called Rising Appalachia. Not my usual kind of music but I actually really enjoy it (the hostess and her friend both Wiccan). Other people didn’t start showing up until about an hour later.

I met a lot of people, actually socialized quite a bit, helped put together the lunch bags and the toiletry bags. It was a lot of fun.

Once all that was done we all gathered into cars and went searching for the homeless.

The hostess actually does this kind of stuff quite often and knew a couple places where they would actually gather so it wasn’t very hard. Apparently there was a shelter/church of sorts that would actually boot them out at 6 a.m. (wonderful aren’t they?) so they tend to gather right next to it.

I had carpooled with the Chieftain’s wife, her friend and another guy (the only Wiccan in the car, he told me he tends to be on the more Druid side because he hates the fluffy parts of Wicca). We seemed to be out of the loop most of the time so at each stop we were there pretty much right as they got through handing out to everyone. The last stop we got there in time to hand out a couple bags. The last stop was not so good.

First of all, the moment I got out of the car I smelled the very distinct smell of weed, fresh. Priorities I guess. They were pretty ungrateful too, one very large guy kept coming over and asking for more and more stuff. We had to have enough to hand out to others. I kept my mouth shut though. Then a bit later we were sitting in the near by parking lot about to head out. There were two in a van that looked like it might have been for sale, it had numbers painted on the windshield, but I didn’t think much of it. There were a couple of kids with us, and they had gone over to the van to get them some food too. I was watching this happen in the car with the other people I carpooled with. Suddenly the sandwich in the  bag went to the ground. Didn’t think much of it, probably fell. Kid went over and picked it up and handed it back to the guy. Turn around, sandwich was back on the ground. Now I was starting to get pissed. That is when the Chieftain’s wife spoke up, telling them to get the kids away from the van. She noticed it was being done on purpose now too, and she said she saw someone go over to the van with a wad of cash in their hand (probably where the weed was being bought from). Sandwich back on the ground. The hostess’s husband went over and handed the bag back. He is a biker looking dude, long beard, and a bit of a build on him. Honestly he was kind of attractive but I digress. He said something to them, smile on his face, and the sandwich didn’t go back to the ground. I think he said something to them, probably asking them to stop so they don’t discourage the kids because up until then the kids were really enjoying themselves.

Honestly, the incident put me off a little bit. But then I remembered seeing a couple of the guys with a scarf I had bought on, big smiles on their faces. I gave what I could, mostly stuff from goodwill and 5 below ( a store that sells quite a bit of stuff that is either $5 or cheaper if you are unfamiliar) and the toiletries came from Dollar Tree. I felt kind of bad, like I didn’t give enough but I have to be able to take care of myself first. Despite that last stop, I had a pretty good time.

I learned a couple of things about this kindred that I’m joining too.

As all of you know I am pretty woo orientated, which I’m aware tends to be seen as unacceptable in the wide Heathen community.

The chieftain’s friend was a very flamboyant gay man ( not saying that as a bad thing), so I was really glad to see that. There was some drama involving him (more at him) before but he had been welcomed back and the chieftain’s wife made it very clear to the group as a whole that intolerance would not be accepted which was super awesome to see! Also on the drive the chieftain’s wife and her friend were talking about direct contact with Odin, as in Odin talking to them and giving them messages. And the Chieftain’s wife talked about a spirit she referred to as Bear contacting her. So seems to be some woo prevalent. Woo!

This was my first event with them and really a more casual way to start out with them. So far they were super nice, and seemed to like me. The Chieftain told me before leaving he hopes to see me a lot more and his wife gave me a hug. I’m meeting with them again this next coming Sunday for Yule. Nervous, again. Have to drive to Illinois again (though the Chieftain assured me it was closer than the hostess’s house), and meet even more new people, that and this is the first ritual I’ve ever gone to ever. The pressure!

I know I’ve been very quiet as of late, lots of stuff has been going on. I’m  really debating on sharing some news (it’s kinda big). I had a couple ideas of posts I wanted to do but the brain has been pretty scrambled so they just never happened.

Until next time loves.

News!

So I’ve been silent the last couple days because they had me training someone new at my work so been pretty busy, so here are updates.

First, I need to talk about the woman I have been training. She’s a heathen! I cannot tell you guess how excited I got when I saw her wearing a hammer. I had to control myself and not jump on it. I wanted to feel it out a bit and eased into talking about it. And yup, full blown heathen. See, the only other pagans around here (and they are few and far between already) are Wiccans, so to have found a real life heathen was amazing! To actually have someone in real life to talk to about my religion, though I’m keeping the more woo stuff on the down low for the moment.

And that’s not all. She is part of a kindred. There is more to that, just bare with me.

So on the 10th, I went with my best friend to the Saint Louis Pagan Pride. First of all, it was awesome in general being around other pagans. I’m usually the quiet shy person and my best friend is the more outgoing one. Not at Pagan Pride. I was talking up a storm with a bunch of people, and frankly I really surprised myself. It was a lot smaller than I thought it would be but it is still something fairly new so I suspect it will get bigger over time, but the people that were there were awesome.

Back track a bit. I was talking with my new heathen coworker about the event, asking if she was going. She said probably not but her kindred will be having a booth there.

When I got there, I got to the booth and talked to the Chieftain of the kindred and it was an instant click. That’s right folk, I got invited to be a part of a kindred! The first two events they invited me to sadly I won’t make (well one was last week, so didn’t make it) because I’m still recovering financially from the visit to the ER. The next one is on Halloween, which I already promised my best friend I’d be going to her party, and I keep my promises. I will definitely be at the next one and I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. They are a ways from me (at least an hour) but doing that every couple of months will be worth it. To finally be a part of the physical community. I did double check with my coworker to make sure she was okay with me joining, and she actually really wants me to. After I finally go to the first gathering, I’ll let you guys know how that goes.

Things are going very well with my boyfriend. This next part might be a little much on information for some (a tad sexual) so feel free to skip to the next paragraph. Sunday morning  I actually made the first move in bed. If you have been keeping up on this blog, you know it is kind of a big deal for me considering my history. This is the first time I have ever blatantly made the first move, usually I just hint. And to say the least the result was amazing. Hail Freya for her work with me, ha ha.

Now I have a bit of a problem. The man I formerly referred to as Fen. I will now be calling him The Leo (he’s a Leo). With my relationship with Fenrir now, I don’t really feel that nickname for him is appropriate anymore. Well, had a dream about him last night. A very not appropriate dream considering my current relationship status. It is rather infuriating. For some reason I just can’t get that man out of my life. He had his chance with me, and he decided going to orgy rituals were more important. I’m sorry but I’m a Wolf. We are territorial and I will not change that. I’ve kept him at more than arms length but he keeps popping up an it really pisses me off. I don’t even think about him and then I have a dream with him popping in it, and there is always affection between the two of us in my dreams. I just want it to stop. I’m happy in my current relationship and I don’t want to mess it up.

As far as my relationship with Thor goes, and that work, everything is well. I had to put off getting a tattoo and getting the bracelet for him unfortunately with my money situation. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the tattoo now, especially with my older sister’s baby shower coming up and then the holidays. Probably will have to wait until next year which really sucks. Especially since now my car is needing new brakes and an oil change.

All in all, all is well here. A little stressful but not too bad. I have more stuff I want to discuss but that will be in a post all it’s own, which I will try to get in today.

If I don’t get the next one up today, until next time loves!