More Feminist Stuff Part 1- Topless Wednesday?

So I’m going to touch on a few things that have been brought to my attention from my more-feminist-than-me friend.

We worked together at Wal-Mart. Everyone called her my work girlfriend. We were pretty close, but sometimes she can be a bit of an acquired taste.

I say she is more feminist than me for a couple of reasons. Feminist issues are about half if not more of the stuff she posts on Facebook, where in with me most of my stuff is Supernatural, Lord of the Rings/Hobbit, Batman or Ironman related. I do sometime go on what I life to call feminist-issue-posting sprees. Usually happens when I’m going through Upworthy.

Let’s start this thing!

First, she started with her profile picture being her topless and only covering her chest with her arm (something I can’t do without flashing all the little children, my arm simply isn’t big enough). It wasn’t her trying to be sexy or just get male attention. It was a statement on equality. It’s a part of the whole topless women movement. Women feel they should have the same right as men in their choice of clothing, i.e. they can go out topless in public without being hit with public indecency charges.

Personally, I don’t subscribe to this. Let me explain first that I have no issue with women wanting to go around topless. I just won’t be joining in on that. My problem with this form of wanting equality is it really is based in a belief that men and women are the same.


Yes we deserve equal right but we are not the same and it goes down into your DNA. Now, with everything there are exceptions to the rule and that would be anyone who falls under the genderqueer umbrella. If you asked someone who was born male but identifies as a woman, or vice versa would tell you there is a definite difference between the genders or they wouldn’t need to differentiate that they are not the gender they were born as. Genderfluid people are different, but not everyone is genderfluid.

There is one area where I have a bit of mixed feelings about this particular issue, and that is breast-feeding. I believe women shouldn’t be shamed for breast-feeding in public. This is an incredibly natural thing, yet people act like it’s disgusting. The baby needs to be fed, and that is the most healthy and nutritional (assuming the mother is taking care with what she puts in her body) way for that baby to be fed.

Again, if women want to go around topless, that’s their choice. I won’t participate and here is why. For me, my body is special. Only certain people get to see it. That is my personal choice. Now, I don’t exactly dress all that modestly (though compared to some women I might as well be Amish, but it’s their body, their choice on how much they want to show). I do show a little cleavage, and on the rare occasion, a little leg. That is what I am comfortable with. My feeling is if everyone gets to see it, there is no meaning behind it. It’s an intimate thing. When I choose to share my body with someone, it means they have something that others don’t, whatever it is that caused that connection between us.  However, if I have children, I would want to be able to breast feed my child whenever it is needed. Yes, breast-feeding is an intimate thing too. Not in the sexual way (the over sexualization of the female body is what causes breast-feeding to become something that is almost taboo) but in the way that is closeness, a bonding between a mother and her child. Something very special. The fact of the matter is, when a woman becomes a mother, her body isn’t the same. That is not a bad thing. The need women feel to fit in the societal view of women as sexual creatures causes some women to resent their children for “ruining their body”. No hun, your body is not ruined, just changed. You have changed into a mother, and personally, I think that makes you more beautiful. If your man thinks your body is ruined, he isn’t a man but a child that still needs to grow up. He doesn’t deserve a beautiful woman such as yourself.

The difference between being just topless as a woman and breastfeeding in public? Context. I’ll say it one more time, I have no problem with women wanting to be topless in public, but the true difference between that and breastfeeding is one is just for being comfortable or considered equal and the other is taking care of another human being. A human being that depends on you completely.

It’s kind of a complicated subject for me. Fact is, if you are a woman and want to be able to be topless in public, I’m ok with that (last time I’ll say it I promise). I personally though, will only fight for the right to breastfeed when it is needed without needing to hide it.

This ended up being a little longer than I originally intended, so I will be breaking these up into several posts.

Pain, Fear, and a New Beginning.

This weekend didn’t go as planned at all.

Went to the movies with J. Right before we left he was telling me that he had started seeing a new girl. Keep in mind at this point he had no idea about my feelings for him. I had to go to the bathroom to keep from crying in front of him. He wasn’t completely oblivious. He could tell something was wrong. I just blew it off as nothing, trying to cope and figure out what to do.

We went to the movies as planned and he was texting quite a bit through the movie. Just awesome. The movie was really good, as much as I could concentrate on it.

Right after I went home right away. He wasn’t exactly happy about because usually we end up hanging out until like midnight. I stopped, got some hard cider and went home to destroy my liver and cry my eyes out.

Yesterday, I finally told him. Told him how I felt. Gave him a chance. The new girl is all of 19 and already has two kids. I’m not judging her, but I already know he’s going to go through the exact same thing he did with his ex. I told him that too, but no one listens to me even though in these kinds of situations I haven’t been wrong yet.

It basically went exactly how I had feared. He doesn’t feel that way about me. This is the story of my life people. I have a super bad habit of making friends with guys I like because it seems I’m incapable of flirting or making an actual move. It went into this whole big thing. I told him we can’t be friends anymore because it will simply hurt me too much. He fought it. Kept telling him he didn’t want to lose me. Honestly, too fucking bad. I’m sorry but I have put others above myself for too long. I’m not going to sit there and kill myself just so you can have a friend. Why would you want to put your “best friend” through that anyway?

 I finally got him to accept it. He’s now out of my life. It’s unfortunate but right now, it’s me time. This all sounds colder than what it is. I spent yesterday crying as well. Mourning our friendship. Mourning the death of my hopes and dream. Tears for repeated pain, the same thing happening to me over and over again. I was shaking from crying. At first, Thor tried to console me but I wouldn’t take it and ended up blocking him out completely.

Its one step closer to becoming what I feared I one day would become. Cold, heartless, and completely blocked off from any capability of love in the romantic kind. Honestly, at the moment I’m embracing it and actually hoping for it. But I am done mourning.

I had blocked everyone out. Or so I thought. What do you know, Skadi comes through clearer than ever. I don’t know what happened. What made the difference? Maybe I had too much going on over the radio to have her come through? Maybe I was finally ready for her? Maybe it was all the pain I was going through urged her to try harder to come through to me? I don’t know. At the moment I’m not asking any questions, just listening. She is urging me to build up my physical strength. Telling me with what is going on it’s the best thing for me. The emotional strength will come along after. Part of it is a distraction, the other is to give me confidence. Once that confidence is restored I can start to rebuild emotionally.

This incident really destroyed me. I shook with the final trigger that caused my heart to completely harden. I feel Thor every so often. He isn’t making any moves. He’s waiting until I’m ready again.

I don’t know when that will be. It’s going to take some time.

Until then, I’m spending some time with Skadi. I had gotten some special incense for her that she seems pretty fond of, pine and peppermint. The scent was actually called Winter – something or other. I’m also planning on getting a tattoo for her once I have the time to get a quote and then once I can afford it. It’ll be my second tattoo. I’ll put up a picture of it once it’s been done.

This whole ordeal has been a perfect example about what I was talking about. Needing the old to be destroyed to start anew. It was certainly painful, but now I think Skadi has something to build on.

Starting my work outs tonight. Woo!

What you Tolkien about?

Happy Friday!

So tomorrow J and I are going to the movies. We are going to go see The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies. I’m super excited. I am a huge Tolkien fan. I have a replica of Arwen’s Evenstar necklace.

 This outing could possibly end up meaning a lot or nothing, in the context of the non-relationship between J and I. It’s apparently already been established that he is paying for this particular outing, so it’s starting to feel like it might possibly be a date. I don’t know. Maybe I’m looking too much into it. He told me he’s paying because I paid for us to get some dinner a couple weeks ago (something he wasn’t particularly happy about. I just told him too bad. Don’t let me drive next time ha ha ha!).

I’ve been a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings since the very first one came out. Lots of connections I hadn’t made at the time are coming to light. As I’ve said before, research is my thing. If I like it, I research it. The inspirations for the stories are incredibly interesting.

Tolkien was a Catholic, but he wanted to create a mythology for England. He took inspiration more heavily from Nordic Religion, partly from Catholicism and some from the Industrial Revelation.

Gandalf (who doesn’t love Gandalf) is fashioned after the Odin in his guise as the wanderer, typically shown as an older man with grey hair and beard, staff, and wearing a pointed hat. The only way he could have made it any more obvious was if he had Gandalf missing an eye. You have the elves and dwarves, taken straight from the Nordic religion. The land in the LotR series is call Middle Earth. In the Nordic tradition, the land where humans dwell is called Midgard which mean (bingo!) Middle Earth. Éowyn of Rohan is referred to as a Shield Maiden.

Éowyn plays a bit of a role in the connection to the Catholicism that appears in the stories, though it is very well hidden. In one of my favorite scenes when Aragorn is attempting to talk her out of riding into battle, he asked her what she feared. Her reply was “A cage,” and it went on. Meaning she didn’t want to be held back by marriage. To have a man rule over her, preventing her from being able to be free an fight for who she loves and what she believes in. At the end of the trilogy when Aragorn is named kind and she gets married. It becomes the age of man. This is a big reference to the difference between pre and post conversion to Christianity, usually Catholicism (I am still yet to see why people see a difference. It’s all Christian to me). The age of man. The elves left the realm. When the magical ends and mundane begins. Kind of sad to me. Almost a perfect metaphor for the conversion. The men in Middle Earth were called greedy and power hungry. They are the ones that

The industrial revolution comes into play with Orcs. Yup, that’s right. Remember all those trees that they were ripping, the dam that they built. Doesn’t look familiar at all? Tolkien obviously was not fond of the Industrial revolution because of what it was doing to nature. I can’t necessarily blame him.

I just have so much love for these stories. The fact that he created whole languages just boggles my mind. I write some fiction too but I don’t think in a million years I’d be able to create a language like he did for the Elves.

Super stoked for tomorrow! Plus I’m giving J and his daughter their Christmas presents. I got J Batman license plate frames and a knife that has wolves painted on the blade and an antler stand with wolves carved into it. He was my most expensive this year. His daughter I got a talking Olaf and a Batgirl purse with matching pony tail holder that has a bow attached with the batman symbol. Pretty excited to see the reaction.

Thor’s Day and a little bit of Smaug!

So there has been a presence following me all day today.

I know it’s not Thor. It’s Thursday so he is openly hanging about, even while I’m at work.

This presence is unknown to me. I don’t recognize it at all, but I believe that is on purpose. The only thing I’m really getting is that the presence is male. He is purposely hiding himself, but also letting me know that he is about for some reason. It’s almost like he is scoping me out. Trying to find out about me, or just some thing about me. I’m not sure.

Today is not the first day this has been going on. Yesterday I was smelling men’s cologne all day. The department I work in is 90% women. Only two guys here and neither of them work close enough to me for me to be able to smell them, especially not all day. I wasn’t particularly close to any male to be able to even possibly get their scent on me. Just makes me wonder if he just wants to fuck with me.

Thor is refusing to tell me anything, making me wonder if he is in on this. He is acting innocent, very poorly might I add. He knows something but won’t tell me and it is incredibly infuriating.

I just want to go all Smaug on him.

“Come now, don’t be shy. Step in to the light.”

I will update as soon as I figure out who or what this presence is.

This shall be interesting.