Otter

Otter

So touching more on the vision from the seer.

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It seems that the more information I find on the otter totem/spirit animal the more I can really relate.

A big recurring theme is feminine energy/healing.

Otters have a very strong association with water, makes sense since that is where they spend all their time. Like water they are associated with creativity, fluidity, transitions, and healing. They also have some lunar associations as well. This is nothing new to me being a water sign myself (Cancer).

Otters are very playful creatures, and if one appears to you it may mean you need to get in touch with your inner child. My inner child and I tend to hold hands all the time. I’m mature enough to get stuff done and do what I need to do but I act like a great big ol’ dork most of the time. The other day I made my best friend dance with me in the middle of Wal-Mart to a Barry White song. I’m just classy like that.

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The desire is said to gain knowledge and are very curious creatures, and if you aren’t new here you probably caught on to the fact that I research just about everything that grabs my attention ( Hel, I researched about this so…).

They are quick to laugh, and I’m entertained very easily. My dad told me once it was kind of embarrassing taking me to the movies because I laugh when no one else does.

Otters are monogamous creatures that mate for life. I’m very much a one woman or one man kind of girl (remember I’m bi?) and I have always been. I tried to do the poly thing and it really never worked out for me. Not saying poly is bad or wrong, just not right for me. Hel, I’ll stop talking to any other prospects the second I become genuinely interested in someone while I’m actually active in the dating scene.

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One thing associated with Otters that I just don’t feel I process is fearlessness. Contrary to what I younger brother may think. I had the option to move to Montana (and I absolutely adore Montana) but to be honest I was too afraid of starting over (not to mention the winters). I don’t do a lot of things because of my fear. Definitely something I could use to learn from Otter.

Interesting thing I came across was the color association with the Otter is silver. It’s perfect!

Now that I’ve done the research my goal is to connect more with the Otter. I just bought a figurine, and I am working on having a necklace custom made  by Beth (and I am super excited about it). She has been absolutely wonderful so far. I just love all her stuff.

If you ever want some entertainment look up otter in Google images. Those cute little creatures are expressive.

tumblr_lcwuvaREo11qzs75go1_1280I mean look at that face! I might start using pictures of them to start expressing emotions.

*Credit for the featured image.*

Until next time my loves!

Hail Thor on His day!

Spaz Moment

I promise I am planning on putting up a actual content post soon (at latest Friday), but I had to share this!

Just found out there is a book on Mani.

It is written by Galina Krasskova, who is one of the few I have found that talks about my beloved (in a sort of guardian/paternal way) Mani.

The second I saw it I ordered.

Here is the link.

I just found it, and just ordered it so no thoughts on it yet obviously. I will probably do a review once received and read.

Basically when I came across it the reaction was “What?! How did I not know about this?!

Super excited to get this.

On another note, I also just  got a necklace of Freya (which I will most likely post pictures of later) and have a Freya statue on the way. Funny thing about the necklace, wasn’t expecting it to come until this week but it ended up showing last Friday (aka Freya’s Day)! And the statue? Expected delivery date is this Friday.

Wow.

That is all for the moment. Had to share the spazziness as well as let anyone else interested know about this book. I happened upon it while looking up stuff for my altar for Him.

The Rose – My Symbol

The Rose – My Symbol

As of late Freya has been sending me a lot of images of roses. I mean, a lot.

The rose is not something that I would have ever associated with myself before. I’ve really just never been a big fan of them. I guess just kind of feels cheesy to me, too mainstream (hipster all of a sudden). My favorite flower is the blue orchid. They are just absolutely beautiful, but I digress.

So I figured, well, look up stuff about it!

The most you find about roses is really what you would expect: love, love and more love. That is when you really have to dig a little deeper.

The rose was also symbolic carrier of secrets.

The term “sub rosa” means under the rose and comes from the practice of Romans hanging roses above meeting tables. Here it was understood that anything said at this table, beneath the hanging roses, was forbidden to be repeated elsewhere.

Interesting, considering I tend to keep a lot of personal stuff from a lot of people in my life.

In the Tarot, in which the rose is considered a symbol of balance. Here the beauty of the rose expresses promise, new beginnings, hope. This beauty is contrasted with its thorns which represents defense, physicality, loss, thoughtlessness.

In my search I ended up coming across a site about alchemy and ended up with this little fun tidbit:

“In the Bach Flower Remedies the wild rose (Rosa canina) is used to cure apathy. Wild rose is prescribed for people who have given up, who have stopped trying to solve an unwanted situation in their life, who believe that it does not matter or that their fate can not be changed.”

Well fuck.

See, as of late that is pretty well the attitude I had taken on. I just stopped caring. My job was screwing me over (favoritism bullshit) and there was all kinds of drama going on at home. The easiest thing to do so I didn’t go mad was stop caring.

It wasn’t until after the recent break up that that changed, and I have been so much happier since.

The part of the rose that it seems most forget about is the thorns, much like the warrior aspect to Freya. It really is a perfect symbol for My Lady.

As of late I have been getting much closer to Her. She has asked for a large rough rose quartz (which I ordered at the same time as the fulgurite). And once I do the clean out of my space, will start working on keeping fresh roses for Her, ones with the thorns in tact.

Hail Freya!

Until next time my loves and keep Her day sexy! 😛

Lightning – My symbol

Lightning – My symbol

The relationship that I have with Thor tends to be symbolized by lightning.

Being the person I am a figured, “well, lets look up stuff about it!”

Lightning is a pretty regular occurrence in the natural world so it really isn’t that big of a shock that it would show up in a lot of cultures with some pretty heavy symbolism. Lightning tends to be a grand show that inspires different reactions from different people. Personally I love it. I love rain and storms (though not when I’m driving), and the light flashing through a dark cloudy sky is absolutely beautiful.

The Celts would establish sacred spaces wherever they witness lightning struck.

If a clansman or clanswoman got struck by lightning, edict states that they would be forever endowed with the power of the divine whether they lived or died.

In Native American tribes (Sioux, Arapaho, Wichita, Ojibwe, and Salish being among some of them) lightning is closely  aligned with the Thunderbird. The Thunderbird having association with honesty, truth and morality. The creature emits lightning bolts from his eyes to strike down those who misguide, milead, or withhold the truth.

The Chinese designated lightning as a symbol of fertility because of it’s affiliation with rain.

That particular tidbit makes me think of The Lay of Thrym (you know the one where Thor dresses up as Freya?) the myth that many site as giving Thor a fertility aspect.

The Greek association with lightning is fairly obvious being the head of their pantheon wields it as a weapon. To them the symbolic meaning of lightning is not only strength but as well as intellect. A symbol of intuition and spiritual illumination. This concept deals with the union of fire and water, opposite elements joining together to create a phenomenal interaction. Interestingly enough fire and water coming together has some pretty strong meaning to me. My sun sign is Cancer, a water sign, and my moon sign is actually Leo, a fire sign.

Lightening often precedes rain, therefore it is associated with water. When viewed in this manner, Lightening is the supernatural force from above which destroys, cleans out, and purges whatever is old. If you have been watching, this is really fitting for me in the stage that I’m on in my path.

Looking at the spiritual meaning/symbolism behind lighting I keep seeing “lightning and spiritual illumination” over and over again.

So yea, relevant stuff.

Thor asked me a little while ago to get fulgurite. Just bought one online today so just have to wait for it to come in.

For those of you that are unfamiliar, fulgurite is the byproduct of lightning hitting sand. It creates a natural glass tube.

The names comes from the Latin Fulgur which means lightning but sometimes it’s just called fossilized lightning.

These stones embody the powerful energy of lightning within them that was infused into the stone at the time of the event which caused their creation. This energy makes Fulgurite stones powerful manifestation tools and can create transformation on a massive scale.

Fulgurite has shown to help one to experience major breakthroughs when kept close and to release habitual patterns that no longer serve us.

It opens and clears the psychic and intuitive senses, encourages our sense of creativity and inner power, and allows for assistance with divine prophecy.

This is a particularly beneficial stone for healers, teachers, psychics and channelers as well as others who need to accurately relay information and guidance from the higher realm.

This was a very informational type post, but there really seems to be some planning going on on Thor’s part.

Until next time my loves.

Hail Thor on His day.

Tarot Personalities

I’ve started becoming a collector of tarot decks. When you do this and spend time with each deck you start to learn that each deck has it’s own personality, and some will be more cooperative than others.

So let me go over what I have!

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So the first deck I ever got was the Ghosts and Spirits Tarot.

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It was gifted to me by my second oldest sister (the one that initially introduced me to pagan religions and taught me how, sort of, to do tarot readings) when I went up to visit them in Montana. There was a psychic fair going on. It was super small but there was some nifty stuff. My sister already knew at that point that I wanted to learn. They had a few decks, though most were oracle decks, and I really liked this one. So she got it for me. She had the belief that it is unlucky to buy your own decks, which I have found personally untrue.

It has really beautiful artwork in it that is very much on the dark side. That is really the best way to describe the deck, dark. That fit me at the time of receiving this deck (I want to say a couple years ago now) but not anymore. Each card has a story attached to it, one from folk lore from different parts of the world which makes the deck very interesting. But the energy just doesn’t really fit me anymore so I have only touched it once in the last year or so.

It has now requested to be wrapped in red velvet and tied with a black ribbon since I feel it disrespectful to just toss it.

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The next deck I got was Tarot Illuminati.

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I bought this one for myself at the only local metaphysical shop that I know of around where I live. When I first saw it I felt like my heart was just going to jump right out of my chest, so obviously I had no choice but to buy the deck.

I love the imagery in it, you really have to look at the cards because every single one has a lot of symbolism to it. Each different suit has inspiration from different eras/cultures. A lot of the minor arcana have more detailed stories to them what you normally find associated with the minor ones.

This deck is very straight forward and won’t just tell you what you want to hear. Sometimes when you try to consult it about one issue it will actually delve in and find something you have pushed back that needs to be addressed instead of what you asked. This is the one I go to when I really need true clarity.

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The next deck I got was the Mystic Faerie tarot.

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This is the most recent tarot deck I purchased. Got this one at the same store as the Tarot Illuminati. When I happened upon this deck what I got was a call, so I grabbed.

I enjoy the imagery in this one as well (I tend to be pretty visual). The fae of the major arcana really have their own very distinctive personalities and they have little background stories. The handy thing on this one is for the major arcana there are basically the gist of the meaning of the cards listed at the back of the book.

This deck tends to be very mischievous (like fae) and can be very vague which tends to cause me to turn to the Tarot Illuminati for clarity but it is still helpful. It’s fun to work with and I really do love it.

I keep a small rose quartz stone with the deck in the gossamer bag that came with it.

I have decided that I need to start consulting my cards each day as part of the changes I am trying to make to better myself. This will start after I do a good clean out in my room and of my altar, which I have now been told repeatedly to do. I’m going to completely reorganize and probably get rid of some stuff, a sort of early spring cleaning. I’m really going to try to get it done this weekend. Last weekend I planned on it but I ended up getting my time snatched up by different people. Not necessarily a bad thing considering I didn’t get to see other people much while I was still with my ex.

The Vision

So in the last post I mention the seer of the kindred I am in the process of joining had a vision about me. I’m not going to go over it word for word.

This is going to be super long so I’m putting it behind a read more line. It gets sort of personal so that makes it easy for uninterested parties to just skip.

Continue reading “The Vision”

Ch-ch-changes

So to give everyone a heads up, I’m going to be making a lot of changes here.

There are reasons for this and I will share, but that will most likely be after all the changes are made on here.

Just a few updates for the moment.

I am single again, and the ex and has been going a little crazy on me. I wasn’t planning on breaking up with him yet but he had decided to start an argument with me and tried to blame the kindred for me changing. If the kindred is responsible for any changes in me, they are changes for the better and I will not apologize for that.

Speaking of the kindred, it has been going very well with them. They have made me feel welcome from day one. We had a ritual for Freyr and one for the Disir. I will expand on those in a more detailed post about the goings on there. All good things!

The seer for the kindred (who apparently chose to stay anonymous to keep things from getting awkward) had a vision about me. The chieftain’s wife (who is really becoming one of my favoritest people) forwarded it to me. Really freaked me out that that she knew it was about me because there was a lot of stuff in there that was super personal, that no one really knows.

There will be a separate post on that as well. That vision is really what has started prompting these changes.

At this point just touching base a little bit.

More to come.

Until next time my loves.

And keep Thor in Thorsday!

Strength

I know I have really quite for awhile. There has been quite a bit going on.

Heads up, UPG ahead!

The end of 2015 and going into 2016 was rough. Got sick twice (and I never get sick), it flooded enough where I couldn’t go home for a full week, and money troubles (from missing work because of being sick). With the flooding I wasn’t able to go home even to get the necessities. Stuck in a hotel with the family for a week with nothing. Had to buy a couple pieces of clothing and toiletries so that also didn’t help with my money situation. Things are finally starting to calm down.

I whined about all this shit happening to Thor. He chuckled and told me “You can’t form steel into a sword without a lot of heat”. Great. Thanks. So most likely more bullshit to come.

Spiritually has been interesting too. Frankly, I really didn’t want to post anything about it at first, but I decided “fuck it”. What better day to post this than on Thor’s day?

My relationship with Fenrir is just about nothing at this point. It hurts having him gone but it made way for something much bigger.

I had made a decision at the beginning of all this that I didn’t want to be a Godspouse. Yea, He obviously had different plans.

So during this whole ordeal it became official. There was a bit of an argument between Freya and Thor concerning Her plans for me. She has been pouting for a little while now.

When this all began I made an agreement with Thor to wear red for him every Thursday, His day. It’s something small, but it is what he asked of me. I also burn the incense I have picked out for him every Thursday night.

The other night he requested whiskey. He wants me to keep a small cup or shot glass of it on my alter and take a shot with him once a week (I’m not much of a drinker, I know uncommon for a Heathen). With Him it is always the small things.

Lightning and keys have become important symbols of our ever growing relationship.

I sleep with him every night now instead of only Thursday nights. Everything used to always happen on Thursdays now that I think about it.

I’ve also had to learn some things about myself.

I used to always think I was a bit cynical and almost bitter when it comes to anything most would deem romantic. I claimed it as a part of myself and often used it as a shield to protect myself from getting hurt.

I’ve been shown that isn’t entirely true. What I thought was just a part of me was a wall that I had built to protect myself. Something that I had created, not something that was just a part of me. Poking at that wall actually hurts, and may be the end of my current relationship with my boyfriend.

I figured out that is the true reason behind my unhappiness with him. There is no romance. We act just like friends who happen to have sex. I’m the one who always decides what we do, there are never any surprises. It isn’t for lack of trying on part, but anytime I try to get him to make a decision I just get “I don’t know”. Thor has started to push for me to break things off too.

Strength is the name of the game now that things are more official.

Strength isn’t just physical, but mental/emotional.

Sure He is pushing for me to build up my physical strength, but that is a piece of cake compared to emotional strength.

 Strength is many things, and sometimes it could even mean being strong enough to push aside your pride and ask for help when it is needed. It is also being able to stand on your own two feet and not expecting things to be done for you.

I’ve always been very good at false strength. Making it seem like to the outside world that I’m this sort of powerful woman, Hel I’ve been told countless times I’m intimidating (something I struggle to believe).

Since our marriage (yea that is scary saying out loud, well typing) he has been swinging his hammer about, violently breaking down my walls and really breaking me down.

Not going to lie, it definitely has not been a fun ride.

It is pain, but from personal experience I can honestly say pain can either make you stronger or break you. The choice is yours.

In other news I mourn for three deaths, Lemmy of Motorhead, David Bowie the Goblin King and Alan Rickman. I wish for a glorious afterlife for these amazing men where ever their faiths took them.

The First Meeting

So I’ve had my first not so official meeting with some of the other people in the kindred I had just recently joined. I was really starting to feel bad. After I first met the Chieftain at Pagan Pride, he invited to me to quite a few things and the timing on each was always bad, either had plans with others already or just didn’t have the money to be driving out there. Yes it is only an hour to where they typically meet  (at the Chieftain’s house) but still.

So this past Saturday they had a community outreach thing. We gathered food, blankets, scarves, purses, backpacks, and toilets to hand out to the homeless in Saint Louis. It was some members of the kindred and some that were wiccans that were associated with the Chieftain’s wife’s friend (getting a little complicated there). It was the first time meeting the Chieftain’s wife.

I was already really nervous. I have very mild social anxiety (mostly when it is with people I don’t know) and have an anxiety issue with driving to places I’m not familiar with. I call myself the queen of getting lost, even with GPS I tend to have to turn around at least twice. It was my first time driving to Illinois (and I was making the trek alone), going to someone’s house I didn’t know to a gathering where I only really know two people (the Chieftain being one who I had met all of one time). To say the least I was super nervous.

I made it there without getting lost a single time (even though GPS was trying to take me two houses down, oh wonderful technology) and I was actually pretty calm on my drive up there.  I didn’t freak out once and that is a pretty big step for me. On the way home, that was a different story but that was more because of idiotic drivers.

I was the first to get there. I pulled up in the driveway and left my car running to knock on the door and ask where I should park. That is always an issue for me, where to park.

So I was the first to get there, and ended up hanging out with two people I never met before (the hostess and her friend). Normally I would be a nervous wreck, but I was actually calm. Got introduced a really cool band called Rising Appalachia. Not my usual kind of music but I actually really enjoy it (the hostess and her friend both Wiccan). Other people didn’t start showing up until about an hour later.

I met a lot of people, actually socialized quite a bit, helped put together the lunch bags and the toiletry bags. It was a lot of fun.

Once all that was done we all gathered into cars and went searching for the homeless.

The hostess actually does this kind of stuff quite often and knew a couple places where they would actually gather so it wasn’t very hard. Apparently there was a shelter/church of sorts that would actually boot them out at 6 a.m. (wonderful aren’t they?) so they tend to gather right next to it.

I had carpooled with the Chieftain’s wife, her friend and another guy (the only Wiccan in the car, he told me he tends to be on the more Druid side because he hates the fluffy parts of Wicca). We seemed to be out of the loop most of the time so at each stop we were there pretty much right as they got through handing out to everyone. The last stop we got there in time to hand out a couple bags. The last stop was not so good.

First of all, the moment I got out of the car I smelled the very distinct smell of weed, fresh. Priorities I guess. They were pretty ungrateful too, one very large guy kept coming over and asking for more and more stuff. We had to have enough to hand out to others. I kept my mouth shut though. Then a bit later we were sitting in the near by parking lot about to head out. There were two in a van that looked like it might have been for sale, it had numbers painted on the windshield, but I didn’t think much of it. There were a couple of kids with us, and they had gone over to the van to get them some food too. I was watching this happen in the car with the other people I carpooled with. Suddenly the sandwich in the  bag went to the ground. Didn’t think much of it, probably fell. Kid went over and picked it up and handed it back to the guy. Turn around, sandwich was back on the ground. Now I was starting to get pissed. That is when the Chieftain’s wife spoke up, telling them to get the kids away from the van. She noticed it was being done on purpose now too, and she said she saw someone go over to the van with a wad of cash in their hand (probably where the weed was being bought from). Sandwich back on the ground. The hostess’s husband went over and handed the bag back. He is a biker looking dude, long beard, and a bit of a build on him. Honestly he was kind of attractive but I digress. He said something to them, smile on his face, and the sandwich didn’t go back to the ground. I think he said something to them, probably asking them to stop so they don’t discourage the kids because up until then the kids were really enjoying themselves.

Honestly, the incident put me off a little bit. But then I remembered seeing a couple of the guys with a scarf I had bought on, big smiles on their faces. I gave what I could, mostly stuff from goodwill and 5 below ( a store that sells quite a bit of stuff that is either $5 or cheaper if you are unfamiliar) and the toiletries came from Dollar Tree. I felt kind of bad, like I didn’t give enough but I have to be able to take care of myself first. Despite that last stop, I had a pretty good time.

I learned a couple of things about this kindred that I’m joining too.

As all of you know I am pretty woo orientated, which I’m aware tends to be seen as unacceptable in the wide Heathen community.

The chieftain’s friend was a very flamboyant gay man ( not saying that as a bad thing), so I was really glad to see that. There was some drama involving him (more at him) before but he had been welcomed back and the chieftain’s wife made it very clear to the group as a whole that intolerance would not be accepted which was super awesome to see! Also on the drive the chieftain’s wife and her friend were talking about direct contact with Odin, as in Odin talking to them and giving them messages. And the Chieftain’s wife talked about a spirit she referred to as Bear contacting her. So seems to be some woo prevalent. Woo!

This was my first event with them and really a more casual way to start out with them. So far they were super nice, and seemed to like me. The Chieftain told me before leaving he hopes to see me a lot more and his wife gave me a hug. I’m meeting with them again this next coming Sunday for Yule. Nervous, again. Have to drive to Illinois again (though the Chieftain assured me it was closer than the hostess’s house), and meet even more new people, that and this is the first ritual I’ve ever gone to ever. The pressure!

I know I’ve been very quiet as of late, lots of stuff has been going on. I’m  really debating on sharing some news (it’s kinda big). I had a couple ideas of posts I wanted to do but the brain has been pretty scrambled so they just never happened.

Until next time loves.

Do Not Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

The first time I hear this poem it was actually converted into a song that my younger brother’s choir was singing. It seriously gave me chills.

I do not fear death, it is an inevitability. Do I want to die right now? Of course not, I still have a lot to do but when my time comes, that’s it and I do not fear it.

I’ve already made plans for what I want done with my body after I die and I’ve made sure everyone I love knows this.

I’m sure those of you active on Facebook have seen these pictures or something like it:

Bios-Urn

That’s where I originally got the idea. I always knew I wanted to be cremated, no sense in adding another coffin to the earth, but this is genius.

I want to be turned into a weeping willow.

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To me they are the most beautiful trees, and they have a bit of a nostalgia factor. As a kid I spent quite a bit of time with grandparents at their apartment and at one part of the apartment complex there was a great big weeping willow. I was always fascinated by it.

Digging only slightly into Celtic tree meanings the Willow has strong associations to water and the moon, both of which my sign Cancer also has strong associations with so that was an interesting tidbit I found.

Any way, back on topic.

I’ve also made it perfectly clear to my loved ones that I don’t want any sort of funeral. I’ve also threatened to haunt anyone that cries. I don’t want the fact that I died to be the only thing they think about. I’d rather a celebration of the life I had, a party not a funeral.

I tend to look at it pretty subjectively. I still don’t really know what will happen to me after this life is over. Thor may claim me, Freya may claim me, I might end up wit Hel (because let’s face the facts, the chances of me dying in battle are pretty slim), I just might end up reincarnating again. All I can do is tell my loved ones what I want done with this body after I’m done with it. That is, after any parts useful are taken (organ donor). I’d like as much good to come out of my passing as possible.

Until next time loves.