Lightning – My symbol

Lightning – My symbol

The relationship that I have with Thor tends to be symbolized by lightning.

Being the person I am a figured, “well, lets look up stuff about it!”

Lightning is a pretty regular occurrence in the natural world so it really isn’t that big of a shock that it would show up in a lot of cultures with some pretty heavy symbolism. Lightning tends to be a grand show that inspires different reactions from different people. Personally I love it. I love rain and storms (though not when I’m driving), and the light flashing through a dark cloudy sky is absolutely beautiful.

The Celts would establish sacred spaces wherever they witness lightning struck.

If a clansman or clanswoman got struck by lightning, edict states that they would be forever endowed with the power of the divine whether they lived or died.

In Native American tribes (Sioux, Arapaho, Wichita, Ojibwe, and Salish being among some of them) lightning is closely  aligned with the Thunderbird. The Thunderbird having association with honesty, truth and morality. The creature emits lightning bolts from his eyes to strike down those who misguide, milead, or withhold the truth.

The Chinese designated lightning as a symbol of fertility because of it’s affiliation with rain.

That particular tidbit makes me think of The Lay of Thrym (you know the one where Thor dresses up as Freya?) the myth that many site as giving Thor a fertility aspect.

The Greek association with lightning is fairly obvious being the head of their pantheon wields it as a weapon. To them the symbolic meaning of lightning is not only strength but as well as intellect. A symbol of intuition and spiritual illumination. This concept deals with the union of fire and water, opposite elements joining together to create a phenomenal interaction. Interestingly enough fire and water coming together has some pretty strong meaning to me. My sun sign is Cancer, a water sign, and my moon sign is actually Leo, a fire sign.

Lightening often precedes rain, therefore it is associated with water. When viewed in this manner, Lightening is the supernatural force from above which destroys, cleans out, and purges whatever is old. If you have been watching, this is really fitting for me in the stage that I’m on in my path.

Looking at the spiritual meaning/symbolism behind lighting I keep seeing “lightning and spiritual illumination” over and over again.

So yea, relevant stuff.

Thor asked me a little while ago to get fulgurite. Just bought one online today so just have to wait for it to come in.

For those of you that are unfamiliar, fulgurite is the byproduct of lightning hitting sand. It creates a natural glass tube.

The names comes from the Latin Fulgur which means lightning but sometimes it’s just called fossilized lightning.

These stones embody the powerful energy of lightning within them that was infused into the stone at the time of the event which caused their creation. This energy makes Fulgurite stones powerful manifestation tools and can create transformation on a massive scale.

Fulgurite has shown to help one to experience major breakthroughs when kept close and to release habitual patterns that no longer serve us.

It opens and clears the psychic and intuitive senses, encourages our sense of creativity and inner power, and allows for assistance with divine prophecy.

This is a particularly beneficial stone for healers, teachers, psychics and channelers as well as others who need to accurately relay information and guidance from the higher realm.

This was a very informational type post, but there really seems to be some planning going on on Thor’s part.

Until next time my loves.

Hail Thor on His day.

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Strength

I know I have really quite for awhile. There has been quite a bit going on.

Heads up, UPG ahead!

The end of 2015 and going into 2016 was rough. Got sick twice (and I never get sick), it flooded enough where I couldn’t go home for a full week, and money troubles (from missing work because of being sick). With the flooding I wasn’t able to go home even to get the necessities. Stuck in a hotel with the family for a week with nothing. Had to buy a couple pieces of clothing and toiletries so that also didn’t help with my money situation. Things are finally starting to calm down.

I whined about all this shit happening to Thor. He chuckled and told me “You can’t form steel into a sword without a lot of heat”. Great. Thanks. So most likely more bullshit to come.

Spiritually has been interesting too. Frankly, I really didn’t want to post anything about it at first, but I decided “fuck it”. What better day to post this than on Thor’s day?

My relationship with Fenrir is just about nothing at this point. It hurts having him gone but it made way for something much bigger.

I had made a decision at the beginning of all this that I didn’t want to be a Godspouse. Yea, He obviously had different plans.

So during this whole ordeal it became official. There was a bit of an argument between Freya and Thor concerning Her plans for me. She has been pouting for a little while now.

When this all began I made an agreement with Thor to wear red for him every Thursday, His day. It’s something small, but it is what he asked of me. I also burn the incense I have picked out for him every Thursday night.

The other night he requested whiskey. He wants me to keep a small cup or shot glass of it on my alter and take a shot with him once a week (I’m not much of a drinker, I know uncommon for a Heathen). With Him it is always the small things.

Lightning and keys have become important symbols of our ever growing relationship.

I sleep with him every night now instead of only Thursday nights. Everything used to always happen on Thursdays now that I think about it.

I’ve also had to learn some things about myself.

I used to always think I was a bit cynical and almost bitter when it comes to anything most would deem romantic. I claimed it as a part of myself and often used it as a shield to protect myself from getting hurt.

I’ve been shown that isn’t entirely true. What I thought was just a part of me was a wall that I had built to protect myself. Something that I had created, not something that was just a part of me. Poking at that wall actually hurts, and may be the end of my current relationship with my boyfriend.

I figured out that is the true reason behind my unhappiness with him. There is no romance. We act just like friends who happen to have sex. I’m the one who always decides what we do, there are never any surprises. It isn’t for lack of trying on part, but anytime I try to get him to make a decision I just get “I don’t know”. Thor has started to push for me to break things off too.

Strength is the name of the game now that things are more official.

Strength isn’t just physical, but mental/emotional.

Sure He is pushing for me to build up my physical strength, but that is a piece of cake compared to emotional strength.

 Strength is many things, and sometimes it could even mean being strong enough to push aside your pride and ask for help when it is needed. It is also being able to stand on your own two feet and not expecting things to be done for you.

I’ve always been very good at false strength. Making it seem like to the outside world that I’m this sort of powerful woman, Hel I’ve been told countless times I’m intimidating (something I struggle to believe).

Since our marriage (yea that is scary saying out loud, well typing) he has been swinging his hammer about, violently breaking down my walls and really breaking me down.

Not going to lie, it definitely has not been a fun ride.

It is pain, but from personal experience I can honestly say pain can either make you stronger or break you. The choice is yours.

In other news I mourn for three deaths, Lemmy of Motorhead, David Bowie the Goblin King and Alan Rickman. I wish for a glorious afterlife for these amazing men where ever their faiths took them.

Do Not Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

The first time I hear this poem it was actually converted into a song that my younger brother’s choir was singing. It seriously gave me chills.

I do not fear death, it is an inevitability. Do I want to die right now? Of course not, I still have a lot to do but when my time comes, that’s it and I do not fear it.

I’ve already made plans for what I want done with my body after I die and I’ve made sure everyone I love knows this.

I’m sure those of you active on Facebook have seen these pictures or something like it:

Bios-Urn

That’s where I originally got the idea. I always knew I wanted to be cremated, no sense in adding another coffin to the earth, but this is genius.

I want to be turned into a weeping willow.

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To me they are the most beautiful trees, and they have a bit of a nostalgia factor. As a kid I spent quite a bit of time with grandparents at their apartment and at one part of the apartment complex there was a great big weeping willow. I was always fascinated by it.

Digging only slightly into Celtic tree meanings the Willow has strong associations to water and the moon, both of which my sign Cancer also has strong associations with so that was an interesting tidbit I found.

Any way, back on topic.

I’ve also made it perfectly clear to my loved ones that I don’t want any sort of funeral. I’ve also threatened to haunt anyone that cries. I don’t want the fact that I died to be the only thing they think about. I’d rather a celebration of the life I had, a party not a funeral.

I tend to look at it pretty subjectively. I still don’t really know what will happen to me after this life is over. Thor may claim me, Freya may claim me, I might end up wit Hel (because let’s face the facts, the chances of me dying in battle are pretty slim), I just might end up reincarnating again. All I can do is tell my loved ones what I want done with this body after I’m done with it. That is, after any parts useful are taken (organ donor). I’d like as much good to come out of my passing as possible.

Until next time loves.

Well Then

Remember this necklace I got from Seb?

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Well it decided to break on me today, while at work. That was fun! Spent a good ten minutes digging beads out of my bra then another searching under my desk for the remaining ones.

After I collected them all I got a message.

“Make a new one and make it your own.”

It isn’t that He didn’t like it, but I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I made a necklace for Fenrir. Making the necklace yourself does make it a bit more intimate.

So this weekend I have a new project. I have to buy more beadalon cord (thanks to my younger brother using it up but that is when you offer to share stuff with a 16 year old). I’m planning on using some of the original beads and adding on others. Don’t have a set plan yet. I’m really going to try to avoid having to buy more beads, so will just have to see how it goes.

 If you wanted me to change the damn necklace you could have waited until I at least got home.

“Community”

So, if you haven’t noticed on the little side panel there, I follow a blogger by the name of Sebastian Lokason.

I watched this drama unfold. I make it a habit to stay out of drama, so I was originally going to keep my mouth shut. Then I was reading this post on another blog I follow, and thought “ya know what? fuck it. I got shit to say”. I will try to keep this as non rambly as possible.

I really can’t comment on what happened when those three were living together. I wasn’t there. What I can comment on is some of the other shit being said.

I don’t have a personal relationship with Seb. I read his blog, bought things from him, and got a past life reading done.

I enjoy his blog. Do I agree with everything? Absolutely not. Does that make either of us wrong? Absolutely not. Does he try to convince anyone that he is 100% right about everything? Absolutely not. Do I learn stuff from it? Absolutely. Do I get a crack out of some of his posts? Absolutely.

The whole thing about his UPG saying that his Big Self is Anar, “queen” of Vanaheim (I put queen in quotes because I remember him saying just about every time he mentions him he mentions that the queen thing is a rough translation and really doesn’t hold political power like we think of). Well I can’t comment much on that. I’m not that involved with Vanaheim outside of my work with Freya, Frey, and me poking about the Wolf Tribe a bit. But honestly, as I recall he doesn’t talk about Anar that much, and I never once got the feeling of “Worship Anar” or “Bow down before the mighty Anar!”. If it weren’t for Seb pointing out he had a perfume oil for Anar, I wouldn’t have noticed that he had anything for Anar.

I think that whole attack is to try to put Seb “in his place”. He had been getting a lot of attention in a good way, and we can’t have that. Some pagans get pissed when they see anything even resembling something that could possibly be a leader, especially if they are making some money in the process. Gods forbid some one make money off their talent!

Yea, he promotes his stuff on his blog. And? I like seeing the new shiny even though most of the stuff is something either not for me, or not something I can really be buying at that point in time. I never got the feeling of him trying to push his stuff on people. Who doesn’t like looking at pretty things?

And it is pretty fucking obvious that isn’t just about money for him. He lets people make payment plans. I know I’ve used that to be able to get some nice things before, and it helped a lot. Doesn’t sound like the actions of a greedy person to me. Yes he is making money off the stuff the services he offered and the things he makes (rightfully so), but he works with people so they can still get stuff. By the way, if you think his stuff is overpriced don’t fucking buy anything. Simple as that.

I do think the fact that he is trans has something to do with not wanting him to rise. Not just trans, but trans and gay. Not sure what happened to the whole “Pagans are so much more accepting” thing. And had sexual relationships with male spirits. How dare he! Hel, a big part of the “community” doesn’t want people talking about having any kind of personal relationships with our deities, especially not of a sexual nature.

Want to know what the biggest thing I learned from Sebastian Lokason was? Don’t be ashamed of your UPG, because it is yours and fuck what anyone else thinks.

One of the titles that frustrates me the most is “Special Snowflake”. Fuck that shit.

He isn’t saying he is the leader of Vanaheim, from what I understand he is just a big part of ritual that helps the land. Does that make him special? Kinda, to the residents in Vanaheim. Is it egotistical? Not really. Hel, this is the first time most of us are hearing about Anar being his Big Self, so it isn’t like he has been bragging about it. So yea, no.

I know some that their UPG says they are sacred queens (has nothing to do with being any kind of queen of Midgard so shut up), were deified by one of Them, Hel my own is that Freya is wanting me to become one of her Valkyries after this life. People see that as being egotistical, and wanting to be a “Special Snowflake”, except I haven’t seen a single one of these people ask for special treatment. Not once. I mean, people think it egotistical for a mere human to believe they are married to a God, or really have any kind of personal relationship with Them other than as a worshipper.

This shit needs to stop.

I keeping putting Community in quotations because we really don’t act like one. We constantly tear each other down and fight. That isn’t how a “community” acts. We are already getting attacked by just about all sides. We make progress, and then we tear it down ourselves.

Frankly, I really frustrated (if you couldn’t already tell) and sad. I enjoy Seb’s blog and because of those people, we won’t be able to anymore or at least for awhile. And that is really a loss for all of us.

I hope those people are happy with bring us another few steps back.

The Hunt, the Huntress and the Thunderer

Big topic right now considering how early The Hunt started.

I’m going to dance around it a bit.

Building my relationship back up with Thor has been going pretty well so far. It’s definitely slow goings with Him being very busy with what is going on, but still going. I was not doing so good the past few days and He was actually babying me quite a bit yesterday. As a thank you I have a nice new shiny Mjolnir coming in the mail. He told me it wasn’t necessary. The one I normally wear is the first one I got. I’m not getting rid of it by any means, it has sentimental value now. But it is getting old and getting kind of dingy. Not to mention it’s more of a symbol of the relationship almost starting anew (getting the new one I mean).

The closer we have been getting again the more I feel The Hunt. I’ve been getting antsy. Most nights I’ve been getting plenty of sleep but still wake up exhausted. I have a feeling some astral stuff has been going on while I’m asleep but I can never remember any of it.

I almost feel The Hunt calling. It may have some to do with my origins in the Wolf Tribe of Vanaheim. They play a pretty big part in The Hunt. I don’t really feel like I know enough about it though to really be able to talk too much about it.

When Thor comes to me though, he seems kind of exhausted. He has definitely been busy.

Skadi’s energy has been becoming more prominent to me as of late. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it was more in passing. She is calling me to Her again. My reaction is “well Your mark is still on my arm so of course!” She loves The Hunt. She is almost giddy which is really entertaining.

When She left me, I was really sad. She isn’t the warmest most affectionate Jotun, but she really helped me to get through a really hard time. She didn’t do this by babying me, She kicked my ass in gear. I still feel a fierce loyalty to her.

Freya’s reaction to The Hunt? Imagine a gorgeous blond with brilliant blue eyes in a sort of Shieldmaiden outfit skipping with a sword. That pretty well describes it. I’ve never seen her like this before.

Fenrir seems to be avoiding it all, but is trying his best to make up for the time that Thor is gone.

That’s all I’ve got for now.

Until next time loves.

Happy Freya’s Day!

October is approaching

Just a little side note first.

I might be a little on the inactive side. Fenrir is requesting I keep some of the relationship work private (understandably so). I will try to post when something starts itching and needs to be shared. But as far as my relationships with Thor and Fenrir, I’m going to be very selective in what I share. Just working on the relationships and with the way things are going right now it is a bit on the sensitive side. Thor has been pretty rare in appearances as of late, working, so that is making things just a tad more difficult (I’m not complaining, its just a fact.)

In other news, I’m starting to feel Skadi touching at the edge of my senses.

I think she is coming back! Seems The Hunt starting so early is bring her around a lot earlier as well.

Any way, now on topic.

October is definitely my favorite month.

First of all, autumn. All things Halloween-y. And just the feel in the air is like pot to me (not crack because it is incredibly relaxing). Fenrir is showing me he has some pretty strong ties to fall as well.

I’m a lot more active spiritually, physically and emotionally during fall. Summer heat drains me to where I’m barely functional. I hide inside in the AC (plus I burn incredibly easily) and just watch TV mostly. During fall I actually go out and do shit and it really lifts my spirit. Not to mention it means the holidays are on their way and I love the holiday season. Just has a warm fuzzy feel to it that I can’t get enough of. My boyfriend tried saying he was a scrooge.  I made sure he knew that wasn’t going to fly with me. I pulled the “you’re going to be happy about the holidays whether you want to or not, and you’re gonna like it!” He doesn’t seem to be too upset about it. I’m getting this Christmas sweater I found. On it it says “Fa la la la la, Valhalla la” with a shield, axe and sword on it. I showed it to him and he wanted one too. I joked about having matching sweaters and he even actually agreed to taking a picture with me of us both wearing it (he hates taking pictures) so I think he is okay with it all.

I’m starting to make plans for October.

I’m going to Pagan Pride in the city. Super excited about that. Going with my best friend and this is the first time either of us has gone. I don’t know what to expect but it will be nice being surrounded by other pagans.

Planning some trips to the local graveyards. I’m going to be ordering soon some crystals for offerings to the spirits. Not so excited about going to visit my grandmother’s grave. I haven’t gone in a long time, and I know it will be emotion filled. She died on my ninth birthday, with me being mad  Freya is pushing for me to bring my boyfriend with me for that reason. What he sees of my is about 70% independent woman who has been single forever and very much prefers to take care of things herself, and about 30% giant dorky goofball (I am the master of weird faces). She insists that he needs to see a much more vulnerable side of me. Not looking forward to that. Not so good at showing my vulnerable side. I’m a Cancer, I hide in my shell when I’m vulnerable.

I’m going to go out and spend as much time as possible outside before it gets too cold.

I’m going to try working getting my tattoo somewhere in there, or at least in November. It is more of a money issue, plus not sure where I’m going to go. Probably going to try the artist that did my best friend’s tat. Also still trying to figure out exactly what it is going to be.

That got a bit rambly.

Until next time loves.

Happy Thor’s day!

Wolf’s gifts for the Wolf

So everything is done and received. Got my candle, and finished my little project for Fenrir.

If you have been keeping up with my evolving relationship with Fenrir, I promised him an answer to whether or not I would marry him once I got the candle. Got the candle, had to answer. Answer was a tentative yes (which had him pouting for awhile), with a long engagement. He knows I’m wanting to work on my relationship with Thor more before taking that step, but I love him. I may be a little bit of a commitment-phobe to be honest. Even with my boyfriend on this side of the fence, I have to fight the urge to run sometimes.

Without further or do, pictures!

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This is the candle for Fenrir I commissioned Beth to make. She is always good about working with me on the scents for custom candles. I usually know colors, but scent is something I have no idea about. She always has good options and they always work out great. I told her I wanted something woodsy, and she came up with fir needle, black pine, and cedar wood. I love it.

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I wear this just about everyday. I bought it off Seb. It went on sale at just the right moment. It is made with dark Labradorite (which is one of my favorite stones). There is some flash on the beads but they are really had to capture without spending more time on it than I really have.

And my project for Him!

*insert drum roll*

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This is the first necklace I have ever made.

The pendant is hand carved out of Ziricote (type of wood from South America) and finished with a lacquer. Not only do I love the image of the howling wolf but the wood pendant is a nod to his roots being born in the iron wood.

The large beads are labradorite which have an amazing flash to them. The smaller being smoky quartz with hematite spacers.

Honestly, the necklace was very influenced by both Beth and Sebastian. But he was wanting it specially made by my own hands (normally I buy stuff from them, only way I’m artistic usually is sketching).

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I’m really proud of how it turned out. At first it was a little rocky. I had to order all the beads and the pendant online so that can be semi risky (no really good local places to get that kind of stuff). The smoky quartz beads were actually smaller than they were supposed to so I had to reconsider my original plan of design. It actually turned out better this way than I originally planned (Fenrir: I know what I’m doing, thank you).

Now guess who wants a necklace made too?

Freya: *waiving spastically*

Me: You’re lucky I love you.

Freya: *laughs maniacally*

Thor is good, he’s getting a tattoo.

Until next time loves.

Happy Mani’s Day!

Two Wolves and the Thunderer Part II

There was a whole part of the conversation with Thor last night that I completely forgot.

Was going to add it to the last post but eh, just making a second one.

After the conversation with Him about our relationship, I asked him about how he felt about me possibly marrying Fenrir. With this one he was a bit more direct.

I ended up pulling Strength.

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Not only is he not against it but he thinks it will be beneficial to both of us He believes I will “tame” him and that he will make me stronger, that we will tear down each others bindings.

It was an unexpected card for me.

By the way, the reason I decided to do this through tarot cards instead of just talk to them like I normally would is to avoid my own thought getting in the way or tainting their opinions. Now the tarot cards give more of a general answer that you have to actually relate to the question at hand, but the general answer will steer you in the correct direction.

This is probably my shortest post to date.

Two Wolves and the Thunderer

So with all this stuff going on with Fenrir, I haven’t talked much about Thor.

For the new viewers at home, Thor was the first of the Norse to come into my life and he had very much approached me. It was at a time when I was trying to find what religion would be right for me after falling out of Wicca (the gateway to being pagan for most). I had briefly looked at the Norse Path, and apparently grabbed his attention, deciding to bust down the door.

Fenrir is a lot newer as far as the Gods in my life, but he really likes pushing things forward quickly.

With Fenrir being very obvious about wanting marriage, I have been worried about how Thor might feel about this. I had previously made it very clear about not wanting to be a godspouse. Now, I’m not so sure on it.

Yesterday being His day, I had a sit down with him. I whipped out Tarot Illuminati again. I’m not going to get into the specific cards this time because there were several. I really just asked him what he is wanting to become/ get out of our relationship.

I had to pull several cards because this one was a bit more complicated. With Fenrir, the card I pulled was incredibly obvious so I didn’t feel the need to go any further.

Here’s what came of it.

With Fenrir coming into the picture, Thor has kind of taken a side step back. I was getting a bit of the new shiny thing syndrome. Thor and I need to renew our relationship, strengthen our bond. He is wanting an oath, but he also needs me to push aside my fears. The fears that I’ll end up being more of a god slave than godspouse. The he will demand my life, spiritual and mundane, become all about him and that I won’t have any freedom anymore. The fear that I won’t be able to choose anymore. In all of this, I have to make the decision on what will happen.

I promised Fenrir that once his candle comes in I will give him an answer. But, we have now made an agreement that if I agree to marriage, it won’t happen for awhile. Not until I get my relationship with Thor completely back on track. So, if I agree it’s going to be more like an engagement.

There is also a chance it may end up being a sort of three way wedding.

I have agreed to a blood oath with Thor. He has been in my life so long it kind of just seems like an about time situation (just like with my Profession). I will being doing this in the form of a tattoo. I have issues with hurting myself on purpose (Gods know I’ve done it plenty of time on accident), I just can’t get myself to do it. Even something as simple as pricking my finger.

So now, I need to start saving up for the tattoo and figure out exactly what I will get for Him. Any ideas would be much appreciated.

Today the boys are giving me a break, minus a quickly with Thor this morning. Freya is spending some time with me, helping me with this possible adjustment. Honestly, I’m incredibly nervous.

Until next time loves. Happy Freya day!