Spaz Moment

I promise I am planning on putting up a actual content post soon (at latest Friday), but I had to share this!

Just found out there is a book on Mani.

It is written by Galina Krasskova, who is one of the few I have found that talks about my beloved (in a sort of guardian/paternal way) Mani.

The second I saw it I ordered.

Here is the link.

I just found it, and just ordered it so no thoughts on it yet obviously. I will probably do a review once received and read.

Basically when I came across it the reaction was “What?! How did I not know about this?!

Super excited to get this.

On another note, I also just  got a necklace of Freya (which I will most likely post pictures of later) and have a Freya statue on the way. Funny thing about the necklace, wasn’t expecting it to come until this week but it ended up showing last Friday (aka Freya’s Day)! And the statue? Expected delivery date is this Friday.

Wow.

That is all for the moment. Had to share the spazziness as well as let anyone else interested know about this book. I happened upon it while looking up stuff for my altar for Him.

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The Rose – My Symbol

The Rose – My Symbol

As of late Freya has been sending me a lot of images of roses. I mean, a lot.

The rose is not something that I would have ever associated with myself before. I’ve really just never been a big fan of them. I guess just kind of feels cheesy to me, too mainstream (hipster all of a sudden). My favorite flower is the blue orchid. They are just absolutely beautiful, but I digress.

So I figured, well, look up stuff about it!

The most you find about roses is really what you would expect: love, love and more love. That is when you really have to dig a little deeper.

The rose was also symbolic carrier of secrets.

The term “sub rosa” means under the rose and comes from the practice of Romans hanging roses above meeting tables. Here it was understood that anything said at this table, beneath the hanging roses, was forbidden to be repeated elsewhere.

Interesting, considering I tend to keep a lot of personal stuff from a lot of people in my life.

In the Tarot, in which the rose is considered a symbol of balance. Here the beauty of the rose expresses promise, new beginnings, hope. This beauty is contrasted with its thorns which represents defense, physicality, loss, thoughtlessness.

In my search I ended up coming across a site about alchemy and ended up with this little fun tidbit:

“In the Bach Flower Remedies the wild rose (Rosa canina) is used to cure apathy. Wild rose is prescribed for people who have given up, who have stopped trying to solve an unwanted situation in their life, who believe that it does not matter or that their fate can not be changed.”

Well fuck.

See, as of late that is pretty well the attitude I had taken on. I just stopped caring. My job was screwing me over (favoritism bullshit) and there was all kinds of drama going on at home. The easiest thing to do so I didn’t go mad was stop caring.

It wasn’t until after the recent break up that that changed, and I have been so much happier since.

The part of the rose that it seems most forget about is the thorns, much like the warrior aspect to Freya. It really is a perfect symbol for My Lady.

As of late I have been getting much closer to Her. She has asked for a large rough rose quartz (which I ordered at the same time as the fulgurite). And once I do the clean out of my space, will start working on keeping fresh roses for Her, ones with the thorns in tact.

Hail Freya!

Until next time my loves and keep Her day sexy! 😛

Lightning – My symbol

Lightning – My symbol

The relationship that I have with Thor tends to be symbolized by lightning.

Being the person I am a figured, “well, lets look up stuff about it!”

Lightning is a pretty regular occurrence in the natural world so it really isn’t that big of a shock that it would show up in a lot of cultures with some pretty heavy symbolism. Lightning tends to be a grand show that inspires different reactions from different people. Personally I love it. I love rain and storms (though not when I’m driving), and the light flashing through a dark cloudy sky is absolutely beautiful.

The Celts would establish sacred spaces wherever they witness lightning struck.

If a clansman or clanswoman got struck by lightning, edict states that they would be forever endowed with the power of the divine whether they lived or died.

In Native American tribes (Sioux, Arapaho, Wichita, Ojibwe, and Salish being among some of them) lightning is closely  aligned with the Thunderbird. The Thunderbird having association with honesty, truth and morality. The creature emits lightning bolts from his eyes to strike down those who misguide, milead, or withhold the truth.

The Chinese designated lightning as a symbol of fertility because of it’s affiliation with rain.

That particular tidbit makes me think of The Lay of Thrym (you know the one where Thor dresses up as Freya?) the myth that many site as giving Thor a fertility aspect.

The Greek association with lightning is fairly obvious being the head of their pantheon wields it as a weapon. To them the symbolic meaning of lightning is not only strength but as well as intellect. A symbol of intuition and spiritual illumination. This concept deals with the union of fire and water, opposite elements joining together to create a phenomenal interaction. Interestingly enough fire and water coming together has some pretty strong meaning to me. My sun sign is Cancer, a water sign, and my moon sign is actually Leo, a fire sign.

Lightening often precedes rain, therefore it is associated with water. When viewed in this manner, Lightening is the supernatural force from above which destroys, cleans out, and purges whatever is old. If you have been watching, this is really fitting for me in the stage that I’m on in my path.

Looking at the spiritual meaning/symbolism behind lighting I keep seeing “lightning and spiritual illumination” over and over again.

So yea, relevant stuff.

Thor asked me a little while ago to get fulgurite. Just bought one online today so just have to wait for it to come in.

For those of you that are unfamiliar, fulgurite is the byproduct of lightning hitting sand. It creates a natural glass tube.

The names comes from the Latin Fulgur which means lightning but sometimes it’s just called fossilized lightning.

These stones embody the powerful energy of lightning within them that was infused into the stone at the time of the event which caused their creation. This energy makes Fulgurite stones powerful manifestation tools and can create transformation on a massive scale.

Fulgurite has shown to help one to experience major breakthroughs when kept close and to release habitual patterns that no longer serve us.

It opens and clears the psychic and intuitive senses, encourages our sense of creativity and inner power, and allows for assistance with divine prophecy.

This is a particularly beneficial stone for healers, teachers, psychics and channelers as well as others who need to accurately relay information and guidance from the higher realm.

This was a very informational type post, but there really seems to be some planning going on on Thor’s part.

Until next time my loves.

Hail Thor on His day.

Ch-ch-changes

So to give everyone a heads up, I’m going to be making a lot of changes here.

There are reasons for this and I will share, but that will most likely be after all the changes are made on here.

Just a few updates for the moment.

I am single again, and the ex and has been going a little crazy on me. I wasn’t planning on breaking up with him yet but he had decided to start an argument with me and tried to blame the kindred for me changing. If the kindred is responsible for any changes in me, they are changes for the better and I will not apologize for that.

Speaking of the kindred, it has been going very well with them. They have made me feel welcome from day one. We had a ritual for Freyr and one for the Disir. I will expand on those in a more detailed post about the goings on there. All good things!

The seer for the kindred (who apparently chose to stay anonymous to keep things from getting awkward) had a vision about me. The chieftain’s wife (who is really becoming one of my favoritest people) forwarded it to me. Really freaked me out that that she knew it was about me because there was a lot of stuff in there that was super personal, that no one really knows.

There will be a separate post on that as well. That vision is really what has started prompting these changes.

At this point just touching base a little bit.

More to come.

Until next time my loves.

And keep Thor in Thorsday!

Strength

I know I have really quite for awhile. There has been quite a bit going on.

Heads up, UPG ahead!

The end of 2015 and going into 2016 was rough. Got sick twice (and I never get sick), it flooded enough where I couldn’t go home for a full week, and money troubles (from missing work because of being sick). With the flooding I wasn’t able to go home even to get the necessities. Stuck in a hotel with the family for a week with nothing. Had to buy a couple pieces of clothing and toiletries so that also didn’t help with my money situation. Things are finally starting to calm down.

I whined about all this shit happening to Thor. He chuckled and told me “You can’t form steel into a sword without a lot of heat”. Great. Thanks. So most likely more bullshit to come.

Spiritually has been interesting too. Frankly, I really didn’t want to post anything about it at first, but I decided “fuck it”. What better day to post this than on Thor’s day?

My relationship with Fenrir is just about nothing at this point. It hurts having him gone but it made way for something much bigger.

I had made a decision at the beginning of all this that I didn’t want to be a Godspouse. Yea, He obviously had different plans.

So during this whole ordeal it became official. There was a bit of an argument between Freya and Thor concerning Her plans for me. She has been pouting for a little while now.

When this all began I made an agreement with Thor to wear red for him every Thursday, His day. It’s something small, but it is what he asked of me. I also burn the incense I have picked out for him every Thursday night.

The other night he requested whiskey. He wants me to keep a small cup or shot glass of it on my alter and take a shot with him once a week (I’m not much of a drinker, I know uncommon for a Heathen). With Him it is always the small things.

Lightning and keys have become important symbols of our ever growing relationship.

I sleep with him every night now instead of only Thursday nights. Everything used to always happen on Thursdays now that I think about it.

I’ve also had to learn some things about myself.

I used to always think I was a bit cynical and almost bitter when it comes to anything most would deem romantic. I claimed it as a part of myself and often used it as a shield to protect myself from getting hurt.

I’ve been shown that isn’t entirely true. What I thought was just a part of me was a wall that I had built to protect myself. Something that I had created, not something that was just a part of me. Poking at that wall actually hurts, and may be the end of my current relationship with my boyfriend.

I figured out that is the true reason behind my unhappiness with him. There is no romance. We act just like friends who happen to have sex. I’m the one who always decides what we do, there are never any surprises. It isn’t for lack of trying on part, but anytime I try to get him to make a decision I just get “I don’t know”. Thor has started to push for me to break things off too.

Strength is the name of the game now that things are more official.

Strength isn’t just physical, but mental/emotional.

Sure He is pushing for me to build up my physical strength, but that is a piece of cake compared to emotional strength.

 Strength is many things, and sometimes it could even mean being strong enough to push aside your pride and ask for help when it is needed. It is also being able to stand on your own two feet and not expecting things to be done for you.

I’ve always been very good at false strength. Making it seem like to the outside world that I’m this sort of powerful woman, Hel I’ve been told countless times I’m intimidating (something I struggle to believe).

Since our marriage (yea that is scary saying out loud, well typing) he has been swinging his hammer about, violently breaking down my walls and really breaking me down.

Not going to lie, it definitely has not been a fun ride.

It is pain, but from personal experience I can honestly say pain can either make you stronger or break you. The choice is yours.

In other news I mourn for three deaths, Lemmy of Motorhead, David Bowie the Goblin King and Alan Rickman. I wish for a glorious afterlife for these amazing men where ever their faiths took them.

Do Not Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

The first time I hear this poem it was actually converted into a song that my younger brother’s choir was singing. It seriously gave me chills.

I do not fear death, it is an inevitability. Do I want to die right now? Of course not, I still have a lot to do but when my time comes, that’s it and I do not fear it.

I’ve already made plans for what I want done with my body after I die and I’ve made sure everyone I love knows this.

I’m sure those of you active on Facebook have seen these pictures or something like it:

Bios-Urn

That’s where I originally got the idea. I always knew I wanted to be cremated, no sense in adding another coffin to the earth, but this is genius.

I want to be turned into a weeping willow.

1-weeping-willow-sue-midlock

To me they are the most beautiful trees, and they have a bit of a nostalgia factor. As a kid I spent quite a bit of time with grandparents at their apartment and at one part of the apartment complex there was a great big weeping willow. I was always fascinated by it.

Digging only slightly into Celtic tree meanings the Willow has strong associations to water and the moon, both of which my sign Cancer also has strong associations with so that was an interesting tidbit I found.

Any way, back on topic.

I’ve also made it perfectly clear to my loved ones that I don’t want any sort of funeral. I’ve also threatened to haunt anyone that cries. I don’t want the fact that I died to be the only thing they think about. I’d rather a celebration of the life I had, a party not a funeral.

I tend to look at it pretty subjectively. I still don’t really know what will happen to me after this life is over. Thor may claim me, Freya may claim me, I might end up wit Hel (because let’s face the facts, the chances of me dying in battle are pretty slim), I just might end up reincarnating again. All I can do is tell my loved ones what I want done with this body after I’m done with it. That is, after any parts useful are taken (organ donor). I’d like as much good to come out of my passing as possible.

Until next time loves.

Well Then

Remember this necklace I got from Seb?

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Well it decided to break on me today, while at work. That was fun! Spent a good ten minutes digging beads out of my bra then another searching under my desk for the remaining ones.

After I collected them all I got a message.

“Make a new one and make it your own.”

It isn’t that He didn’t like it, but I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I made a necklace for Fenrir. Making the necklace yourself does make it a bit more intimate.

So this weekend I have a new project. I have to buy more beadalon cord (thanks to my younger brother using it up but that is when you offer to share stuff with a 16 year old). I’m planning on using some of the original beads and adding on others. Don’t have a set plan yet. I’m really going to try to avoid having to buy more beads, so will just have to see how it goes.

 If you wanted me to change the damn necklace you could have waited until I at least got home.

Ancestors-Hel

No, not like the Christian hell.

Goddess-Hel
not how I see her but I do enjoy the sweetness of this picture

She is definitely one of the Goddesses that gets little attention, and when she does people tend to think of her as evil. Why? Because people think anything associated with death is evil, except Death is the absolute Neutral. Personally in pagan religions, I don’t really see “evil” as a thing (in reference to Gods, people can definitely be evil). There is light and dark. Both need to be worked with or there is no balance. But that’s getting off topic.

Hel (means Hidden in Old Norse), the Goddess of the dead, daughter of Loki and Angrboda, born in the Ironwood.

She is known as Hel, Hela, Halja, or (some say) Leikin (the name the Alfar call her, not sure on that one though). The Goddess to whom “all is seen”.

There isn’t much in the way of information about her in the lore. The most prominent story is that of her involvement in the story of Baldur’s death.

Following the death of Baldur, the goddess Frigga sends Hermóðr to offer Hel ransom. Hermóðr begs Hel to allow his brother to return home, because Baldur is so loved by the gods of the Æsir. Hel tells him only if all things in the world, alive or dead, weep for him, then he will be allowed to return to the Æsir. A female jotun refused so He stayed.

The prominence to this (though most only pay attention to the Loki part) is that even the Gods are not above Death.

She has the wolf Garm who resides in Gnipahellir, sometimes used interchangeably with Her brother Fenrir (which my belief is He doesn’t guard Helheim like Garm but does work with His sister), as one of the gaurds. The other being Modgud.

Garm is a new one to me. Most of what I see really equates him with Fenrir so I am pretty iffy about Him. They say to appease him you give him a piece of cake, but only after you have already given bread to the poor.

Modgud, called the Guardian Goddess, gaurds the bridge (Giallarbru) over the river Gjoll which leads to Helheim. Not finding much on Her so far.

I also see Hel as having a nature aspect. In modern times (especially for pagans) we have a romanticized view of nature. We see it as this sort of beautiful thing. Nature is beautiful, yes, but it is also dangerous, unfeeling and always renewing itself. I think of Hel having a nature aspect in the death of things to make room for the new. Animals die, rot in the earth to provide nutrients for new life. The forest fires that clear out the dead from the forest floor and enriches the soil for new growth. Death is a very important part of the cycle in Life. It is a necessity.

hel2

I do not by any means think I am any kind of expert on the Lady of Death.  I don’t really even have a working relationship with Her at the moment. I’m doing what I always do. Research.

Why am I including Her in the Ancestor series? Because She is the one that cares for Them.

There is this romanticized notion in the Heathen community that we all want to go to Valhalla. That really isn’t realistic, especially in modern times. Our ancestors, before Christianization (which the Christian ancestors are a different story and will be touched on a later post) didn’t all die in battle and most likely didn’t get claimed by a certain God to take to Their hall. That leaves only Helheim, where Hel cares for them.

Here is a little information. This will probably be updated as I find out more, still in early stages of research. Keep in mind I didn’t create this list.

  • Colors: Black, white
  • Symbols: Skull, red roses, dried roses, bones, “Day of the Dead”-type skeleton images
  • Altar suggestions: Skulls, skeleton images, grave rubbings, skeletal hands, bones, dried roses, black shrouds, black mirror, black and white candles, plantain leaves, rue, wormwood, yarrow, yew, the runes Ear (sometimes combined with Raido for the Helroad) and Hagalaz, sometimes Othala. It is not uncommon for a Hel altar to be an ancestor harrow as well, with pictures of and offerings to one’s own beloved Dead.
  • Food and drink: Tea, good wine, apples (Hel has an orchard of Her own); meat, bread, soup, meals that your ancestors would have liked, blood; good quality chocolate, coffee beans. Hel likes dried, well-preserved flowers, especially dried roses. She also likes blood, as do all the Death deities. Some people offer her tea, or food that can sit on an altar and rot. (Don’t take it away until it is entirely desiccated, no matter what happens.) Don’t approach her altar with an unhealthy attitude toward death and decay.

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When I am finally able to set up my Ancestor Altar (money is the issue on buying stuff for it), Hel will definitely have a special place.

She will be touched on more as I go through this series, and I maybe even start up a relationship with Her.

I’ve met Her once. I see her as being half pale and half blue-black (think frostbite), the pale half having darker dirty blonde hair and the blue-black half with almost white hair. She is quite beautiful, but forces you to look at the not so beautiful aspects of Death right in the face.

If any of you have more information (or if anything you see here is inaccurate) please share.

Hail the Goddess of the Dead.

Until next time loves!