Spaz Moment

I promise I am planning on putting up a actual content post soon (at latest Friday), but I had to share this!

Just found out there is a book on Mani.

It is written by Galina Krasskova, who is one of the few I have found that talks about my beloved (in a sort of guardian/paternal way) Mani.

The second I saw it I ordered.

Here is the link.

I just found it, and just ordered it so no thoughts on it yet obviously. I will probably do a review once received and read.

Basically when I came across it the reaction was “What?! How did I not know about this?!

Super excited to get this.

On another note, I also just  got a necklace of Freya (which I will most likely post pictures of later) and have a Freya statue on the way. Funny thing about the necklace, wasn’t expecting it to come until this week but it ended up showing last Friday (aka Freya’s Day)! And the statue? Expected delivery date is this Friday.

Wow.

That is all for the moment. Had to share the spazziness as well as let anyone else interested know about this book. I happened upon it while looking up stuff for my altar for Him.

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The Rose – My Symbol

The Rose – My Symbol

As of late Freya has been sending me a lot of images of roses. I mean, a lot.

The rose is not something that I would have ever associated with myself before. I’ve really just never been a big fan of them. I guess just kind of feels cheesy to me, too mainstream (hipster all of a sudden). My favorite flower is the blue orchid. They are just absolutely beautiful, but I digress.

So I figured, well, look up stuff about it!

The most you find about roses is really what you would expect: love, love and more love. That is when you really have to dig a little deeper.

The rose was also symbolic carrier of secrets.

The term “sub rosa” means under the rose and comes from the practice of Romans hanging roses above meeting tables. Here it was understood that anything said at this table, beneath the hanging roses, was forbidden to be repeated elsewhere.

Interesting, considering I tend to keep a lot of personal stuff from a lot of people in my life.

In the Tarot, in which the rose is considered a symbol of balance. Here the beauty of the rose expresses promise, new beginnings, hope. This beauty is contrasted with its thorns which represents defense, physicality, loss, thoughtlessness.

In my search I ended up coming across a site about alchemy and ended up with this little fun tidbit:

“In the Bach Flower Remedies the wild rose (Rosa canina) is used to cure apathy. Wild rose is prescribed for people who have given up, who have stopped trying to solve an unwanted situation in their life, who believe that it does not matter or that their fate can not be changed.”

Well fuck.

See, as of late that is pretty well the attitude I had taken on. I just stopped caring. My job was screwing me over (favoritism bullshit) and there was all kinds of drama going on at home. The easiest thing to do so I didn’t go mad was stop caring.

It wasn’t until after the recent break up that that changed, and I have been so much happier since.

The part of the rose that it seems most forget about is the thorns, much like the warrior aspect to Freya. It really is a perfect symbol for My Lady.

As of late I have been getting much closer to Her. She has asked for a large rough rose quartz (which I ordered at the same time as the fulgurite). And once I do the clean out of my space, will start working on keeping fresh roses for Her, ones with the thorns in tact.

Hail Freya!

Until next time my loves and keep Her day sexy! 😛

Strength

I know I have really quite for awhile. There has been quite a bit going on.

Heads up, UPG ahead!

The end of 2015 and going into 2016 was rough. Got sick twice (and I never get sick), it flooded enough where I couldn’t go home for a full week, and money troubles (from missing work because of being sick). With the flooding I wasn’t able to go home even to get the necessities. Stuck in a hotel with the family for a week with nothing. Had to buy a couple pieces of clothing and toiletries so that also didn’t help with my money situation. Things are finally starting to calm down.

I whined about all this shit happening to Thor. He chuckled and told me “You can’t form steel into a sword without a lot of heat”. Great. Thanks. So most likely more bullshit to come.

Spiritually has been interesting too. Frankly, I really didn’t want to post anything about it at first, but I decided “fuck it”. What better day to post this than on Thor’s day?

My relationship with Fenrir is just about nothing at this point. It hurts having him gone but it made way for something much bigger.

I had made a decision at the beginning of all this that I didn’t want to be a Godspouse. Yea, He obviously had different plans.

So during this whole ordeal it became official. There was a bit of an argument between Freya and Thor concerning Her plans for me. She has been pouting for a little while now.

When this all began I made an agreement with Thor to wear red for him every Thursday, His day. It’s something small, but it is what he asked of me. I also burn the incense I have picked out for him every Thursday night.

The other night he requested whiskey. He wants me to keep a small cup or shot glass of it on my alter and take a shot with him once a week (I’m not much of a drinker, I know uncommon for a Heathen). With Him it is always the small things.

Lightning and keys have become important symbols of our ever growing relationship.

I sleep with him every night now instead of only Thursday nights. Everything used to always happen on Thursdays now that I think about it.

I’ve also had to learn some things about myself.

I used to always think I was a bit cynical and almost bitter when it comes to anything most would deem romantic. I claimed it as a part of myself and often used it as a shield to protect myself from getting hurt.

I’ve been shown that isn’t entirely true. What I thought was just a part of me was a wall that I had built to protect myself. Something that I had created, not something that was just a part of me. Poking at that wall actually hurts, and may be the end of my current relationship with my boyfriend.

I figured out that is the true reason behind my unhappiness with him. There is no romance. We act just like friends who happen to have sex. I’m the one who always decides what we do, there are never any surprises. It isn’t for lack of trying on part, but anytime I try to get him to make a decision I just get “I don’t know”. Thor has started to push for me to break things off too.

Strength is the name of the game now that things are more official.

Strength isn’t just physical, but mental/emotional.

Sure He is pushing for me to build up my physical strength, but that is a piece of cake compared to emotional strength.

 Strength is many things, and sometimes it could even mean being strong enough to push aside your pride and ask for help when it is needed. It is also being able to stand on your own two feet and not expecting things to be done for you.

I’ve always been very good at false strength. Making it seem like to the outside world that I’m this sort of powerful woman, Hel I’ve been told countless times I’m intimidating (something I struggle to believe).

Since our marriage (yea that is scary saying out loud, well typing) he has been swinging his hammer about, violently breaking down my walls and really breaking me down.

Not going to lie, it definitely has not been a fun ride.

It is pain, but from personal experience I can honestly say pain can either make you stronger or break you. The choice is yours.

In other news I mourn for three deaths, Lemmy of Motorhead, David Bowie the Goblin King and Alan Rickman. I wish for a glorious afterlife for these amazing men where ever their faiths took them.

Do Not Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

The first time I hear this poem it was actually converted into a song that my younger brother’s choir was singing. It seriously gave me chills.

I do not fear death, it is an inevitability. Do I want to die right now? Of course not, I still have a lot to do but when my time comes, that’s it and I do not fear it.

I’ve already made plans for what I want done with my body after I die and I’ve made sure everyone I love knows this.

I’m sure those of you active on Facebook have seen these pictures or something like it:

Bios-Urn

That’s where I originally got the idea. I always knew I wanted to be cremated, no sense in adding another coffin to the earth, but this is genius.

I want to be turned into a weeping willow.

1-weeping-willow-sue-midlock

To me they are the most beautiful trees, and they have a bit of a nostalgia factor. As a kid I spent quite a bit of time with grandparents at their apartment and at one part of the apartment complex there was a great big weeping willow. I was always fascinated by it.

Digging only slightly into Celtic tree meanings the Willow has strong associations to water and the moon, both of which my sign Cancer also has strong associations with so that was an interesting tidbit I found.

Any way, back on topic.

I’ve also made it perfectly clear to my loved ones that I don’t want any sort of funeral. I’ve also threatened to haunt anyone that cries. I don’t want the fact that I died to be the only thing they think about. I’d rather a celebration of the life I had, a party not a funeral.

I tend to look at it pretty subjectively. I still don’t really know what will happen to me after this life is over. Thor may claim me, Freya may claim me, I might end up wit Hel (because let’s face the facts, the chances of me dying in battle are pretty slim), I just might end up reincarnating again. All I can do is tell my loved ones what I want done with this body after I’m done with it. That is, after any parts useful are taken (organ donor). I’d like as much good to come out of my passing as possible.

Until next time loves.

Fuckery that really needs attention

So Lucius Svartwulf Helson and Halstead have had their own war going on between the two. I’ve enjoyed the posts by Lucius but like I said before I usually try to stay out of the drama (as much as I actually like Lucius).

But in a comment on this post, Halstead has changed my decision to stay out of it.

In a comment he called Lucius’s Gods “sad little gods”. Keep in mind (if you didn’t figure out from this name) Lucius is a Heathen. I can tolerate attacking a person (to an extent) but start insulting my Gods, and it won’t go well for you.

Here is links to all the posts Lucius made:

If Your Paganism is Anthropocentric, I Don’t Want Your Paganism

Maybe I’m Not Here to Save Your World

Everyone Wants to Save The World Part 1

Everyone wants to save the World Part 2

Let’s Disenchant the World! Part 1

Let’s Disenchant the World! Part 2

Let’s Disenchant the World! Part 3

I Am A Special Snowflake….Apparently.

Everyone wants to save the world part 1

Everyone wants to save the world part 2

To Quote Nox: “I Warned You!” Part 1

To Quote Nox: “I Warned You!” Part 2

I am not by any means under any impression that I’m a “Big Name” but keep in mind this “Atheist Pagan”, I put it in quotes because it is on of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, is insulting our Gods and I won’t stand by for it.

Please share this shit out of this. Share it and ask others to share. Spread it around as much as you can.

Normally I wouldn’t do something like this but he really brought it on himself.

To say I’m pissed is an understatement.

News!

So I’ve been silent the last couple days because they had me training someone new at my work so been pretty busy, so here are updates.

First, I need to talk about the woman I have been training. She’s a heathen! I cannot tell you guess how excited I got when I saw her wearing a hammer. I had to control myself and not jump on it. I wanted to feel it out a bit and eased into talking about it. And yup, full blown heathen. See, the only other pagans around here (and they are few and far between already) are Wiccans, so to have found a real life heathen was amazing! To actually have someone in real life to talk to about my religion, though I’m keeping the more woo stuff on the down low for the moment.

And that’s not all. She is part of a kindred. There is more to that, just bare with me.

So on the 10th, I went with my best friend to the Saint Louis Pagan Pride. First of all, it was awesome in general being around other pagans. I’m usually the quiet shy person and my best friend is the more outgoing one. Not at Pagan Pride. I was talking up a storm with a bunch of people, and frankly I really surprised myself. It was a lot smaller than I thought it would be but it is still something fairly new so I suspect it will get bigger over time, but the people that were there were awesome.

Back track a bit. I was talking with my new heathen coworker about the event, asking if she was going. She said probably not but her kindred will be having a booth there.

When I got there, I got to the booth and talked to the Chieftain of the kindred and it was an instant click. That’s right folk, I got invited to be a part of a kindred! The first two events they invited me to sadly I won’t make (well one was last week, so didn’t make it) because I’m still recovering financially from the visit to the ER. The next one is on Halloween, which I already promised my best friend I’d be going to her party, and I keep my promises. I will definitely be at the next one and I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. They are a ways from me (at least an hour) but doing that every couple of months will be worth it. To finally be a part of the physical community. I did double check with my coworker to make sure she was okay with me joining, and she actually really wants me to. After I finally go to the first gathering, I’ll let you guys know how that goes.

Things are going very well with my boyfriend. This next part might be a little much on information for some (a tad sexual) so feel free to skip to the next paragraph. Sunday morning  I actually made the first move in bed. If you have been keeping up on this blog, you know it is kind of a big deal for me considering my history. This is the first time I have ever blatantly made the first move, usually I just hint. And to say the least the result was amazing. Hail Freya for her work with me, ha ha.

Now I have a bit of a problem. The man I formerly referred to as Fen. I will now be calling him The Leo (he’s a Leo). With my relationship with Fenrir now, I don’t really feel that nickname for him is appropriate anymore. Well, had a dream about him last night. A very not appropriate dream considering my current relationship status. It is rather infuriating. For some reason I just can’t get that man out of my life. He had his chance with me, and he decided going to orgy rituals were more important. I’m sorry but I’m a Wolf. We are territorial and I will not change that. I’ve kept him at more than arms length but he keeps popping up an it really pisses me off. I don’t even think about him and then I have a dream with him popping in it, and there is always affection between the two of us in my dreams. I just want it to stop. I’m happy in my current relationship and I don’t want to mess it up.

As far as my relationship with Thor goes, and that work, everything is well. I had to put off getting a tattoo and getting the bracelet for him unfortunately with my money situation. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the tattoo now, especially with my older sister’s baby shower coming up and then the holidays. Probably will have to wait until next year which really sucks. Especially since now my car is needing new brakes and an oil change.

All in all, all is well here. A little stressful but not too bad. I have more stuff I want to discuss but that will be in a post all it’s own, which I will try to get in today.

If I don’t get the next one up today, until next time loves!

Let’s talk about boobs

Probably not in the way that you are wanting though.

Celebrating Frigga today (actually this was originally typed up on Friday but I couldn’t finish it, so pretend I posted it yesterday), so I decided to talk about a mommy issue (since she is the All Mother after all!)

So today we shall talk about what those boobs are actually supposed to be for, feeding babies!

Breastfeeding is becoming a sort of trend now. The sign of the new age mother that is more “natural”. As trends go, this is definitely a good one. At this point most people know the health benefits of breastfeeding as apposed to formula for both the mother and baby. So why is there so much controversy surrounding it. Let’s discuss!

2000px-Breastfeeding-icon-med_svg - Copy

I came across this particular sign posted on the doors of a local Michaels, and also saw one on Target’s doors. It is a sign signifying that the establishment supports breastfeeding, even in public.

Here’s the thing. That really shouldn’t be necessary.

Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things a woman can do. That is how babies have been fed since the beginning of time. Saying you support breastfeeding is like saying you support feeding babies. Kind of redundant isn’t it? So if you replace “breastfeeding” with “feeding a baby” in the argument about breastfeeding in public it becomes an argument about feeding a baby in public.

First, lets take a little look at the law.

According to NCSL (National Conference of State Legislatures) 49 states, the District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands have laws that specifically allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location (meaning privately owned businesses). So all of them but one, Idaho.

29 states, District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws.

That’s where it doesn’t make much sense to me. So in the other 20 states that don’t have that exemption, you can breastfeed in public but get in trouble for public indecency?

Now lets get to the arguments against breastfeeding in public.

I came across this little nugget here. These are where I will start here and add some more.

The first one is that breastfeeding in public is indecent.

Yea, no.

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Most of the time that is about all you will see. I’ve seen women walk around in shirts that show way more than that but are still not considered “indecent”.

1417705993_miley-cyrus-pasties-zoom

Hel, this shows more boob and was on national television.

Here’s the thing, breasts are not indecent, despite what modern society wants to tell you. The argument is that they are “sexual organs” so they should be covered. Umm, no they aren’t. Let’s take a look at the anatomy of a breast. Anatomy-of-Breast11 - Copy

And here shows for more breastfeeding specific (and layman’s terms):

breastfeeding_anatomy

Nothing sexual about that, has nothing to do with actually creating life, they are mostly sacks of fat on our chest (that is when they aren’t actually in use). The only reason they get involved in sexual play is because of those lovely nerve endings (and boy are those nerve endings fun). The attraction to women with a larger chest is a natural thing. Bigger the breast our animalistic selves think better to feed baby with, also triggers the more fertile thought process as well, now that doesn’t mean our smaller chested friends can’t breastfeed or breastfeed as well or aren’t as fertile (like I said animalistic thinking so not based in fact). The sexualization however is a newer construct of modern society. Ever wonder why in those pictures of third world countries in Africa the women are topless?

The second reason given here really pissed me off. The public breastfeeding is dangerous.

Really? This goes based off the messed up ideology that if a man sees a boob he will completely lose his control (and sanity) and attack. Okay, that may be over dramatizing it a bit but seriously I am sick of people excusing deplorable actions by lowering men to the level of sex crazed animals. Last time I checked decent human beings have control over their sexual urges, especially in the completely nonsexual context that breastfeeding is in. And I love the “asking” for harassment. Umm no, she is feeding her child. The victim blaming is strong here. But to me this seems to be a ridiculous argument. I have not once heard of a woman getting sexually harassed or assaulted because a guy saw her breastfeeding.

The awkward social interactions thing is so dumb. Once it becomes more publically acceptable (meaning women don’t have to even worry about having this dumb debate in the first place) it will be as normal as a woman bottle feeding. It’s only awkward if you make it. I don’t understand the ‘children may ask seemingly inappropriate questions about what the mother is doing” part. The woman breastfeeding is a mother and will already understand why children ask the questions they do. And finally the “the baby may make loud sucking noises that can make others uncomfortable” part. Are you a child? You can’t handle a sucking sound? Newsflash, that is how they get their nutrition, sucking, whether on a bottle or on Mommy’s nature given bottle.

Lastly, the argument that “the act of breastfeeding is physically and emotionally intimate and, therefore, should not be done in public”. Again, just stupid. So no one should kiss, hold hands, stare into each other’s eyes, hug or anything else that could be deemed “physically and emotionally intimate” in public.

My all time favorite argument (by men) is that it’s illegal for men to whip their dick out in public so it should be for a woman to breastfeed because she is “whipping out her boob”. There is just so much umm no in that argument. First, huge difference between a penis and a boob. A penis is a sexual organ, and once again, breasts are not. You don’t feed a baby with your dick (at least I pray to the Gods you don’t, if you do please kindly turn yourself in or just off yourself). As for the whipping out the boob part, refer to the above picture. Women who breastfeed have the sense to wear clothes where her breast is very readily accessible to the baby (because you try to hold a not happy hungry baby and try to work complicated clothing), and will hold the baby in place before moving any kind of clothing out of the way. So the chances of you actually seeing breast is very minimal and only if you are really watching for it.

Trying to tell a woman that she shouldn’t breastfeed in public really is telling a woman if she wants to breastfeed she has to stay home all the time, and that really isn’t right and completely unrealistic. She can’t wait until she gets home to feed her baby, because that baby will be hungry when he or she gets hungry, they don’t stick to their mom’s

Breasts are used in advertisements all the time, so the fact that people are so disturbed when a woman actually uses them for what they were intended for is just ridiculous.

bf-cover-2

Here is a link to some tips for mother’s that aren’t that confident in breastfeeding in public but want to be.

Here is a link for some responses to people directly arguing with it ( that is I you want to be nicer than what I would be).

When it comes down to it  the law is on your side on this, unless you live in Idaho.

A little disclaimer here: I have nothing against women who choose to not breastfeed. That is your body. As a matter of fact, I do have a problem with people shaming a woman for making that choice.

Until next time my loves!

Progress of Relationships – Freya

So now that I am feeling much better (hardly any pain) I can get started on this series.

It’s Friday so who better to start with then the Golden Goddess Herself.

I call her my Lady, Sister, Mother, Lover, Mentor and Friend.

She is the Vandis, said to be leader of the Valkyries and receiver of Her choice of half of the honorable dead.

When I first started down the Northern Path I tried to start a relationship with Her and got no bites. I didn’t want to force it so I backed off.

Some time down the line She came to me. Sitting cross legged on my bed telling me to wear something with cleavage to church (at the time force by Christian parents to go to church at least once a month).

She hasn’t left me since.

We have gotten closer over time as most relationships tend to go.

She forces me to see the beauty in all things, especially myself. To look at it head on, embrace it and love it. Taking it wholly into myself.

She asks very little of me except to be a representation of Her in my own way.

She told me She didn’t come to me at first because She wanted to check me out first. Seeing that I had potential for her uses in this world She came to me.

She told me once She would like for me to be one of her Valkyries after this incarnation. Nothing is set in stone, but as far as I’m aware that hasn’t.

She pushes my views toward sexuality, forcing me to change it to something far more healthy. She love hanging around in the nude, which I have finally gotten used to.

She sometimes calls me Her child, sometimes Her sister, and sometimes a friend.

I feel all these things in the moments we share.

It’s a complicated sort of love but it is one that works for us well.

I bought perfume oil dedicated to her from Beth, and I wear it every day, always keeping her with me even when she isn’t actually around.

I burn her candle every day, and make special offerings on Fridays.

Some posts about her:

About the first time we met.

After a while.

As we became closer. At that time I thought having just three of Them in my life was difficult. Wow have times changed.

The Valkyrie conversation.

Just a bit of fun.

Some of the progress she has made with me.

More of the work.

A bit more about what she wants.

And that is all I have for today.

Until next time loves.

Happy Freya’s day!