Do Not Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

The first time I hear this poem it was actually converted into a song that my younger brother’s choir was singing. It seriously gave me chills.

I do not fear death, it is an inevitability. Do I want to die right now? Of course not, I still have a lot to do but when my time comes, that’s it and I do not fear it.

I’ve already made plans for what I want done with my body after I die and I’ve made sure everyone I love knows this.

I’m sure those of you active on Facebook have seen these pictures or something like it:


That’s where I originally got the idea. I always knew I wanted to be cremated, no sense in adding another coffin to the earth, but this is genius.

I want to be turned into a weeping willow.


To me they are the most beautiful trees, and they have a bit of a nostalgia factor. As a kid I spent quite a bit of time with grandparents at their apartment and at one part of the apartment complex there was a great big weeping willow. I was always fascinated by it.

Digging only slightly into Celtic tree meanings the Willow has strong associations to water and the moon, both of which my sign Cancer also has strong associations with so that was an interesting tidbit I found.

Any way, back on topic.

I’ve also made it perfectly clear to my loved ones that I don’t want any sort of funeral. I’ve also threatened to haunt anyone that cries. I don’t want the fact that I died to be the only thing they think about. I’d rather a celebration of the life I had, a party not a funeral.

I tend to look at it pretty subjectively. I still don’t really know what will happen to me after this life is over. Thor may claim me, Freya may claim me, I might end up wit Hel (because let’s face the facts, the chances of me dying in battle are pretty slim), I just might end up reincarnating again. All I can do is tell my loved ones what I want done with this body after I’m done with it. That is, after any parts useful are taken (organ donor). I’d like as much good to come out of my passing as possible.

Until next time loves.


It has just been craziness here. Been too busy to post anything because of training. Now I am just about done training and I have to make a trip down to Texas.

My grandfather passed away on Saturday. He has been having a lot of medical issues the past couple months, so at lease he isn’t suffering anymore.

I didn’t know my father’s father very well. I really only have one memory of him. I was sitting on his lap and he was showing me these really old slides he had. I can’t tell you how old I was at the time but I can say I was very young. I thought those old style slides were just the coolest thing ever.

I’m leaving for Texas either tonight or tomorrow morning. It’s going to be interesting. I don’t even know most of my father’s side of the family so it’s going to be a lot of meeting my relatives for the first time.

But my Grandpa made it to the ripe old age of 90. Apparently on my father’s side they live long lives (by the way this is the side where I get my Nordic heritage so it’s not all that surprising, we be tough lol). My great grandfather actually made it to 100. Gives me hope for my life.

As far as other updates in my life, it has been interesting.

I’ve actually been talking to a couple and might possibly be getting in a polyamorous relationship.

One of the biggest issues with this came up between me and the female, and that is the fact that it is really important for me to be able to have a child of my own. They already have a son and I can guarantee that I would love the child as my own but it still isn’t the same. They weren’t comfortable with it. My stance is that it’s a necessity for me, and if they want something lasting with me that is the way it will have to be. If they can’t cope with that I’m ok with just a short term deal (and frankly that is kind of how I was going into it). I don’t know. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I probably won’t want it to be long term. They are engaged to be married so basically I’m kind of always going to be an outsider.

At the moment I am just talking to them and see how things go.


But I can finally show you guys my tattoo. This is a picture of when it was fresh. My first tattoo didn’t bleed like this one did but my arms are kind of veiny so it isn’t all the surprising.

Afterword Skadi just kind of smiled at me and said she was proud.

It was pretty funny though, my tattoo artist was probably about twice my age and was flirting with me the whole time. But hey, I got my tattoo for cheap and the next one I get if I go to him will be cheap too.

My next tattoo is going to be of Yggdrasil on my other forearm. Probably get it when I get my tax return.

I should have some time today to post a bit more, and frankly I feel a rant coming on. More to come hopefully.


Death – the card and the Gods

Here I’m going to talk about a few things.

There are a couple things that inspired this. Mostly when I was introducing Shadow to a bit of the lore on Loki when he became interested in her.

Loki is truly the most complicated in the Nordic path (in my eyes anyhow), undoubtedly the most hated as a general rule.

I was going through as many of the stories as I could off the top of my head while we were taking a trip together to one of the very few pagan type stores anywhere near where we live. I explained to her that when she does look more into it, to not to take the actions of Loki in the coming Ragnarök personally.

Ragnarök is a bit of a complicated subject. A lot tend to believe that it is a Christian invention, putting an end to our Gods to start anew with the “Adam and Eve” type surviving.

Let’s go with it not being a Christian invention for the sake of the rest of my explanation.

This is my feelings on it. It’s destined, and even the All Father knows it can’t be changed. It is the end of the old and the beginning of new and presumably better. You can’t start with the new if the old isn’t completely destroyed, however painful that may be. As well as with human nature, we need a bad guy. We need someone that we can point our finger at and say, that’s the one, he’s evil and the one the good guy(s) go against. This feeling almost clashes with the want to find something good in the villain. To love and hate the person, not just love to hate.

This brings me to the title of this post – Death, referring to the ever ominous tarot card. Typically shown in horror movies in the dun dun Dun! moment, showing whoever was dealt that card that they were going to die. Obviously, that’s in the movies, not reality. This perception though, has colored the view of this card. When I do readings, I always explain that the card is simply the end of something to give way to a new beginning. It is not to be feared. The end of whatever that is may be painful; you just have to hold on until it’s through and look forward to the new beginnings it will bring.

Personally I don’t fear death. It’s an inevitability. No point in fearing it, when it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. For me, I see one of two possibilities. One, reincarnation, a possible new adventure. Two, most likely Helheim. This is where my inexperience really comes into play. From my understanding, generally Helheim is peaceful, unless you were a honorless asshole. Then, well, Hel may have other plans for you. Doesn’t seem so scary to me. Either way, something new and possibly better.

Moral of the story here: to me, Loki, Hel and Death (the card) are all misunderstood as something or someone to be feared or hated.

If you take everything at face value, you will never get any depth.