Spaz Moment

I promise I am planning on putting up a actual content post soon (at latest Friday), but I had to share this!

Just found out there is a book on Mani.

It is written by Galina Krasskova, who is one of the few I have found that talks about my beloved (in a sort of guardian/paternal way) Mani.

The second I saw it I ordered.

Here is the link.

I just found it, and just ordered it so no thoughts on it yet obviously. I will probably do a review once received and read.

Basically when I came across it the reaction was “What?! How did I not know about this?!

Super excited to get this.

On another note, I also just  got a necklace of Freya (which I will most likely post pictures of later) and have a Freya statue on the way. Funny thing about the necklace, wasn’t expecting it to come until this week but it ended up showing last Friday (aka Freya’s Day)! And the statue? Expected delivery date is this Friday.

Wow.

That is all for the moment. Had to share the spazziness as well as let anyone else interested know about this book. I happened upon it while looking up stuff for my altar for Him.

Advertisements

The Rose – My Symbol

The Rose – My Symbol

As of late Freya has been sending me a lot of images of roses. I mean, a lot.

The rose is not something that I would have ever associated with myself before. I’ve really just never been a big fan of them. I guess just kind of feels cheesy to me, too mainstream (hipster all of a sudden). My favorite flower is the blue orchid. They are just absolutely beautiful, but I digress.

So I figured, well, look up stuff about it!

The most you find about roses is really what you would expect: love, love and more love. That is when you really have to dig a little deeper.

The rose was also symbolic carrier of secrets.

The term “sub rosa” means under the rose and comes from the practice of Romans hanging roses above meeting tables. Here it was understood that anything said at this table, beneath the hanging roses, was forbidden to be repeated elsewhere.

Interesting, considering I tend to keep a lot of personal stuff from a lot of people in my life.

In the Tarot, in which the rose is considered a symbol of balance. Here the beauty of the rose expresses promise, new beginnings, hope. This beauty is contrasted with its thorns which represents defense, physicality, loss, thoughtlessness.

In my search I ended up coming across a site about alchemy and ended up with this little fun tidbit:

“In the Bach Flower Remedies the wild rose (Rosa canina) is used to cure apathy. Wild rose is prescribed for people who have given up, who have stopped trying to solve an unwanted situation in their life, who believe that it does not matter or that their fate can not be changed.”

Well fuck.

See, as of late that is pretty well the attitude I had taken on. I just stopped caring. My job was screwing me over (favoritism bullshit) and there was all kinds of drama going on at home. The easiest thing to do so I didn’t go mad was stop caring.

It wasn’t until after the recent break up that that changed, and I have been so much happier since.

The part of the rose that it seems most forget about is the thorns, much like the warrior aspect to Freya. It really is a perfect symbol for My Lady.

As of late I have been getting much closer to Her. She has asked for a large rough rose quartz (which I ordered at the same time as the fulgurite). And once I do the clean out of my space, will start working on keeping fresh roses for Her, ones with the thorns in tact.

Hail Freya!

Until next time my loves and keep Her day sexy! 😛

Lightning – My symbol

Lightning – My symbol

The relationship that I have with Thor tends to be symbolized by lightning.

Being the person I am a figured, “well, lets look up stuff about it!”

Lightning is a pretty regular occurrence in the natural world so it really isn’t that big of a shock that it would show up in a lot of cultures with some pretty heavy symbolism. Lightning tends to be a grand show that inspires different reactions from different people. Personally I love it. I love rain and storms (though not when I’m driving), and the light flashing through a dark cloudy sky is absolutely beautiful.

The Celts would establish sacred spaces wherever they witness lightning struck.

If a clansman or clanswoman got struck by lightning, edict states that they would be forever endowed with the power of the divine whether they lived or died.

In Native American tribes (Sioux, Arapaho, Wichita, Ojibwe, and Salish being among some of them) lightning is closely  aligned with the Thunderbird. The Thunderbird having association with honesty, truth and morality. The creature emits lightning bolts from his eyes to strike down those who misguide, milead, or withhold the truth.

The Chinese designated lightning as a symbol of fertility because of it’s affiliation with rain.

That particular tidbit makes me think of The Lay of Thrym (you know the one where Thor dresses up as Freya?) the myth that many site as giving Thor a fertility aspect.

The Greek association with lightning is fairly obvious being the head of their pantheon wields it as a weapon. To them the symbolic meaning of lightning is not only strength but as well as intellect. A symbol of intuition and spiritual illumination. This concept deals with the union of fire and water, opposite elements joining together to create a phenomenal interaction. Interestingly enough fire and water coming together has some pretty strong meaning to me. My sun sign is Cancer, a water sign, and my moon sign is actually Leo, a fire sign.

Lightening often precedes rain, therefore it is associated with water. When viewed in this manner, Lightening is the supernatural force from above which destroys, cleans out, and purges whatever is old. If you have been watching, this is really fitting for me in the stage that I’m on in my path.

Looking at the spiritual meaning/symbolism behind lighting I keep seeing “lightning and spiritual illumination” over and over again.

So yea, relevant stuff.

Thor asked me a little while ago to get fulgurite. Just bought one online today so just have to wait for it to come in.

For those of you that are unfamiliar, fulgurite is the byproduct of lightning hitting sand. It creates a natural glass tube.

The names comes from the Latin Fulgur which means lightning but sometimes it’s just called fossilized lightning.

These stones embody the powerful energy of lightning within them that was infused into the stone at the time of the event which caused their creation. This energy makes Fulgurite stones powerful manifestation tools and can create transformation on a massive scale.

Fulgurite has shown to help one to experience major breakthroughs when kept close and to release habitual patterns that no longer serve us.

It opens and clears the psychic and intuitive senses, encourages our sense of creativity and inner power, and allows for assistance with divine prophecy.

This is a particularly beneficial stone for healers, teachers, psychics and channelers as well as others who need to accurately relay information and guidance from the higher realm.

This was a very informational type post, but there really seems to be some planning going on on Thor’s part.

Until next time my loves.

Hail Thor on His day.

Strength

I know I have really quite for awhile. There has been quite a bit going on.

Heads up, UPG ahead!

The end of 2015 and going into 2016 was rough. Got sick twice (and I never get sick), it flooded enough where I couldn’t go home for a full week, and money troubles (from missing work because of being sick). With the flooding I wasn’t able to go home even to get the necessities. Stuck in a hotel with the family for a week with nothing. Had to buy a couple pieces of clothing and toiletries so that also didn’t help with my money situation. Things are finally starting to calm down.

I whined about all this shit happening to Thor. He chuckled and told me “You can’t form steel into a sword without a lot of heat”. Great. Thanks. So most likely more bullshit to come.

Spiritually has been interesting too. Frankly, I really didn’t want to post anything about it at first, but I decided “fuck it”. What better day to post this than on Thor’s day?

My relationship with Fenrir is just about nothing at this point. It hurts having him gone but it made way for something much bigger.

I had made a decision at the beginning of all this that I didn’t want to be a Godspouse. Yea, He obviously had different plans.

So during this whole ordeal it became official. There was a bit of an argument between Freya and Thor concerning Her plans for me. She has been pouting for a little while now.

When this all began I made an agreement with Thor to wear red for him every Thursday, His day. It’s something small, but it is what he asked of me. I also burn the incense I have picked out for him every Thursday night.

The other night he requested whiskey. He wants me to keep a small cup or shot glass of it on my alter and take a shot with him once a week (I’m not much of a drinker, I know uncommon for a Heathen). With Him it is always the small things.

Lightning and keys have become important symbols of our ever growing relationship.

I sleep with him every night now instead of only Thursday nights. Everything used to always happen on Thursdays now that I think about it.

I’ve also had to learn some things about myself.

I used to always think I was a bit cynical and almost bitter when it comes to anything most would deem romantic. I claimed it as a part of myself and often used it as a shield to protect myself from getting hurt.

I’ve been shown that isn’t entirely true. What I thought was just a part of me was a wall that I had built to protect myself. Something that I had created, not something that was just a part of me. Poking at that wall actually hurts, and may be the end of my current relationship with my boyfriend.

I figured out that is the true reason behind my unhappiness with him. There is no romance. We act just like friends who happen to have sex. I’m the one who always decides what we do, there are never any surprises. It isn’t for lack of trying on part, but anytime I try to get him to make a decision I just get “I don’t know”. Thor has started to push for me to break things off too.

Strength is the name of the game now that things are more official.

Strength isn’t just physical, but mental/emotional.

Sure He is pushing for me to build up my physical strength, but that is a piece of cake compared to emotional strength.

 Strength is many things, and sometimes it could even mean being strong enough to push aside your pride and ask for help when it is needed. It is also being able to stand on your own two feet and not expecting things to be done for you.

I’ve always been very good at false strength. Making it seem like to the outside world that I’m this sort of powerful woman, Hel I’ve been told countless times I’m intimidating (something I struggle to believe).

Since our marriage (yea that is scary saying out loud, well typing) he has been swinging his hammer about, violently breaking down my walls and really breaking me down.

Not going to lie, it definitely has not been a fun ride.

It is pain, but from personal experience I can honestly say pain can either make you stronger or break you. The choice is yours.

In other news I mourn for three deaths, Lemmy of Motorhead, David Bowie the Goblin King and Alan Rickman. I wish for a glorious afterlife for these amazing men where ever their faiths took them.

The First Meeting

So I’ve had my first not so official meeting with some of the other people in the kindred I had just recently joined. I was really starting to feel bad. After I first met the Chieftain at Pagan Pride, he invited to me to quite a few things and the timing on each was always bad, either had plans with others already or just didn’t have the money to be driving out there. Yes it is only an hour to where they typically meet  (at the Chieftain’s house) but still.

So this past Saturday they had a community outreach thing. We gathered food, blankets, scarves, purses, backpacks, and toilets to hand out to the homeless in Saint Louis. It was some members of the kindred and some that were wiccans that were associated with the Chieftain’s wife’s friend (getting a little complicated there). It was the first time meeting the Chieftain’s wife.

I was already really nervous. I have very mild social anxiety (mostly when it is with people I don’t know) and have an anxiety issue with driving to places I’m not familiar with. I call myself the queen of getting lost, even with GPS I tend to have to turn around at least twice. It was my first time driving to Illinois (and I was making the trek alone), going to someone’s house I didn’t know to a gathering where I only really know two people (the Chieftain being one who I had met all of one time). To say the least I was super nervous.

I made it there without getting lost a single time (even though GPS was trying to take me two houses down, oh wonderful technology) and I was actually pretty calm on my drive up there.  I didn’t freak out once and that is a pretty big step for me. On the way home, that was a different story but that was more because of idiotic drivers.

I was the first to get there. I pulled up in the driveway and left my car running to knock on the door and ask where I should park. That is always an issue for me, where to park.

So I was the first to get there, and ended up hanging out with two people I never met before (the hostess and her friend). Normally I would be a nervous wreck, but I was actually calm. Got introduced a really cool band called Rising Appalachia. Not my usual kind of music but I actually really enjoy it (the hostess and her friend both Wiccan). Other people didn’t start showing up until about an hour later.

I met a lot of people, actually socialized quite a bit, helped put together the lunch bags and the toiletry bags. It was a lot of fun.

Once all that was done we all gathered into cars and went searching for the homeless.

The hostess actually does this kind of stuff quite often and knew a couple places where they would actually gather so it wasn’t very hard. Apparently there was a shelter/church of sorts that would actually boot them out at 6 a.m. (wonderful aren’t they?) so they tend to gather right next to it.

I had carpooled with the Chieftain’s wife, her friend and another guy (the only Wiccan in the car, he told me he tends to be on the more Druid side because he hates the fluffy parts of Wicca). We seemed to be out of the loop most of the time so at each stop we were there pretty much right as they got through handing out to everyone. The last stop we got there in time to hand out a couple bags. The last stop was not so good.

First of all, the moment I got out of the car I smelled the very distinct smell of weed, fresh. Priorities I guess. They were pretty ungrateful too, one very large guy kept coming over and asking for more and more stuff. We had to have enough to hand out to others. I kept my mouth shut though. Then a bit later we were sitting in the near by parking lot about to head out. There were two in a van that looked like it might have been for sale, it had numbers painted on the windshield, but I didn’t think much of it. There were a couple of kids with us, and they had gone over to the van to get them some food too. I was watching this happen in the car with the other people I carpooled with. Suddenly the sandwich in the  bag went to the ground. Didn’t think much of it, probably fell. Kid went over and picked it up and handed it back to the guy. Turn around, sandwich was back on the ground. Now I was starting to get pissed. That is when the Chieftain’s wife spoke up, telling them to get the kids away from the van. She noticed it was being done on purpose now too, and she said she saw someone go over to the van with a wad of cash in their hand (probably where the weed was being bought from). Sandwich back on the ground. The hostess’s husband went over and handed the bag back. He is a biker looking dude, long beard, and a bit of a build on him. Honestly he was kind of attractive but I digress. He said something to them, smile on his face, and the sandwich didn’t go back to the ground. I think he said something to them, probably asking them to stop so they don’t discourage the kids because up until then the kids were really enjoying themselves.

Honestly, the incident put me off a little bit. But then I remembered seeing a couple of the guys with a scarf I had bought on, big smiles on their faces. I gave what I could, mostly stuff from goodwill and 5 below ( a store that sells quite a bit of stuff that is either $5 or cheaper if you are unfamiliar) and the toiletries came from Dollar Tree. I felt kind of bad, like I didn’t give enough but I have to be able to take care of myself first. Despite that last stop, I had a pretty good time.

I learned a couple of things about this kindred that I’m joining too.

As all of you know I am pretty woo orientated, which I’m aware tends to be seen as unacceptable in the wide Heathen community.

The chieftain’s friend was a very flamboyant gay man ( not saying that as a bad thing), so I was really glad to see that. There was some drama involving him (more at him) before but he had been welcomed back and the chieftain’s wife made it very clear to the group as a whole that intolerance would not be accepted which was super awesome to see! Also on the drive the chieftain’s wife and her friend were talking about direct contact with Odin, as in Odin talking to them and giving them messages. And the Chieftain’s wife talked about a spirit she referred to as Bear contacting her. So seems to be some woo prevalent. Woo!

This was my first event with them and really a more casual way to start out with them. So far they were super nice, and seemed to like me. The Chieftain told me before leaving he hopes to see me a lot more and his wife gave me a hug. I’m meeting with them again this next coming Sunday for Yule. Nervous, again. Have to drive to Illinois again (though the Chieftain assured me it was closer than the hostess’s house), and meet even more new people, that and this is the first ritual I’ve ever gone to ever. The pressure!

I know I’ve been very quiet as of late, lots of stuff has been going on. I’m  really debating on sharing some news (it’s kinda big). I had a couple ideas of posts I wanted to do but the brain has been pretty scrambled so they just never happened.

Until next time loves.

Well Then

Remember this necklace I got from Seb?

20150413_075032

Well it decided to break on me today, while at work. That was fun! Spent a good ten minutes digging beads out of my bra then another searching under my desk for the remaining ones.

After I collected them all I got a message.

“Make a new one and make it your own.”

It isn’t that He didn’t like it, but I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I made a necklace for Fenrir. Making the necklace yourself does make it a bit more intimate.

So this weekend I have a new project. I have to buy more beadalon cord (thanks to my younger brother using it up but that is when you offer to share stuff with a 16 year old). I’m planning on using some of the original beads and adding on others. Don’t have a set plan yet. I’m really going to try to avoid having to buy more beads, so will just have to see how it goes.

 If you wanted me to change the damn necklace you could have waited until I at least got home.

Ancestors-Hel

No, not like the Christian hell.

Goddess-Hel
not how I see her but I do enjoy the sweetness of this picture

She is definitely one of the Goddesses that gets little attention, and when she does people tend to think of her as evil. Why? Because people think anything associated with death is evil, except Death is the absolute Neutral. Personally in pagan religions, I don’t really see “evil” as a thing (in reference to Gods, people can definitely be evil). There is light and dark. Both need to be worked with or there is no balance. But that’s getting off topic.

Hel (means Hidden in Old Norse), the Goddess of the dead, daughter of Loki and Angrboda, born in the Ironwood.

She is known as Hel, Hela, Halja, or (some say) Leikin (the name the Alfar call her, not sure on that one though). The Goddess to whom “all is seen”.

There isn’t much in the way of information about her in the lore. The most prominent story is that of her involvement in the story of Baldur’s death.

Following the death of Baldur, the goddess Frigga sends Hermóðr to offer Hel ransom. Hermóðr begs Hel to allow his brother to return home, because Baldur is so loved by the gods of the Æsir. Hel tells him only if all things in the world, alive or dead, weep for him, then he will be allowed to return to the Æsir. A female jotun refused so He stayed.

The prominence to this (though most only pay attention to the Loki part) is that even the Gods are not above Death.

She has the wolf Garm who resides in Gnipahellir, sometimes used interchangeably with Her brother Fenrir (which my belief is He doesn’t guard Helheim like Garm but does work with His sister), as one of the gaurds. The other being Modgud.

Garm is a new one to me. Most of what I see really equates him with Fenrir so I am pretty iffy about Him. They say to appease him you give him a piece of cake, but only after you have already given bread to the poor.

Modgud, called the Guardian Goddess, gaurds the bridge (Giallarbru) over the river Gjoll which leads to Helheim. Not finding much on Her so far.

I also see Hel as having a nature aspect. In modern times (especially for pagans) we have a romanticized view of nature. We see it as this sort of beautiful thing. Nature is beautiful, yes, but it is also dangerous, unfeeling and always renewing itself. I think of Hel having a nature aspect in the death of things to make room for the new. Animals die, rot in the earth to provide nutrients for new life. The forest fires that clear out the dead from the forest floor and enriches the soil for new growth. Death is a very important part of the cycle in Life. It is a necessity.

hel2

I do not by any means think I am any kind of expert on the Lady of Death.  I don’t really even have a working relationship with Her at the moment. I’m doing what I always do. Research.

Why am I including Her in the Ancestor series? Because She is the one that cares for Them.

There is this romanticized notion in the Heathen community that we all want to go to Valhalla. That really isn’t realistic, especially in modern times. Our ancestors, before Christianization (which the Christian ancestors are a different story and will be touched on a later post) didn’t all die in battle and most likely didn’t get claimed by a certain God to take to Their hall. That leaves only Helheim, where Hel cares for them.

Here is a little information. This will probably be updated as I find out more, still in early stages of research. Keep in mind I didn’t create this list.

  • Colors: Black, white
  • Symbols: Skull, red roses, dried roses, bones, “Day of the Dead”-type skeleton images
  • Altar suggestions: Skulls, skeleton images, grave rubbings, skeletal hands, bones, dried roses, black shrouds, black mirror, black and white candles, plantain leaves, rue, wormwood, yarrow, yew, the runes Ear (sometimes combined with Raido for the Helroad) and Hagalaz, sometimes Othala. It is not uncommon for a Hel altar to be an ancestor harrow as well, with pictures of and offerings to one’s own beloved Dead.
  • Food and drink: Tea, good wine, apples (Hel has an orchard of Her own); meat, bread, soup, meals that your ancestors would have liked, blood; good quality chocolate, coffee beans. Hel likes dried, well-preserved flowers, especially dried roses. She also likes blood, as do all the Death deities. Some people offer her tea, or food that can sit on an altar and rot. (Don’t take it away until it is entirely desiccated, no matter what happens.) Don’t approach her altar with an unhealthy attitude toward death and decay.

images

When I am finally able to set up my Ancestor Altar (money is the issue on buying stuff for it), Hel will definitely have a special place.

She will be touched on more as I go through this series, and I maybe even start up a relationship with Her.

I’ve met Her once. I see her as being half pale and half blue-black (think frostbite), the pale half having darker dirty blonde hair and the blue-black half with almost white hair. She is quite beautiful, but forces you to look at the not so beautiful aspects of Death right in the face.

If any of you have more information (or if anything you see here is inaccurate) please share.

Hail the Goddess of the Dead.

Until next time loves!

Progress of Relationships – Freya

So now that I am feeling much better (hardly any pain) I can get started on this series.

It’s Friday so who better to start with then the Golden Goddess Herself.

I call her my Lady, Sister, Mother, Lover, Mentor and Friend.

She is the Vandis, said to be leader of the Valkyries and receiver of Her choice of half of the honorable dead.

When I first started down the Northern Path I tried to start a relationship with Her and got no bites. I didn’t want to force it so I backed off.

Some time down the line She came to me. Sitting cross legged on my bed telling me to wear something with cleavage to church (at the time force by Christian parents to go to church at least once a month).

She hasn’t left me since.

We have gotten closer over time as most relationships tend to go.

She forces me to see the beauty in all things, especially myself. To look at it head on, embrace it and love it. Taking it wholly into myself.

She asks very little of me except to be a representation of Her in my own way.

She told me She didn’t come to me at first because She wanted to check me out first. Seeing that I had potential for her uses in this world She came to me.

She told me once She would like for me to be one of her Valkyries after this incarnation. Nothing is set in stone, but as far as I’m aware that hasn’t.

She pushes my views toward sexuality, forcing me to change it to something far more healthy. She love hanging around in the nude, which I have finally gotten used to.

She sometimes calls me Her child, sometimes Her sister, and sometimes a friend.

I feel all these things in the moments we share.

It’s a complicated sort of love but it is one that works for us well.

I bought perfume oil dedicated to her from Beth, and I wear it every day, always keeping her with me even when she isn’t actually around.

I burn her candle every day, and make special offerings on Fridays.

Some posts about her:

About the first time we met.

After a while.

As we became closer. At that time I thought having just three of Them in my life was difficult. Wow have times changed.

The Valkyrie conversation.

Just a bit of fun.

Some of the progress she has made with me.

More of the work.

A bit more about what she wants.

And that is all I have for today.

Until next time loves.

Happy Freya’s day!