Bound

So awhile back I had gotten a new tarot deck, the Mystic Faerie Tarot.

pretty artwork
pretty artwork

It is my third deck since I started working with Tarot cards about 3-4 years ago (I don’t really remember anymore).

My first deck was a very dark deck (which really fit my sort of depressed demeanor at the time) all about spirits and the dead. Just about every card had a very dark ominous message. The next deck was a bit more basic but had beautiful artwork, the Illuminati deck.

I’ve had it for a while but I’ve finally started messing around with it. From my learning process the best way to get to know a deck is by doing a daily (at least) one card reading for yourself. This faerie deck has a very different feel to it. This deck seems to be very much on the mischievous and sometimes sarcastic side with me.

When I do daily one card readings usually I’ll just ask a general “What message do They have for me?” unless there is something really pressing on my mind.

The past two nights in a row I’ve gotten The Devil.

20130629-201707

The Devil card has a lot to do with being bound, usually by a vice or obsession with a certain kind of pleasure. That’s not what the message this card holds for me.

What’s binding me?

My fear.

My fear of failing, of embarrassing myself, of showing the world my true self, and sometimes even of succeeding and what I would do with that success.

I didn’t think of this at first when I picked the card and read the little description of the book (I already know the major arcana pretty well but each tarot deck always has a sort of different version and if the deck is themed it usually has story behind it). I was just kind of staring at the card when I got pokes and heard “fear”. It was Fenrir poking me.

This is coming at a time where my dream of opening my own shop has been surfacing again. I believe I’ve mentioned it in a post before. I have a dream of opening my own metaphysical/pagan shop. Like a brick and mortar one. I do live in the bible belt but it seems (especially with this new generation) the pagan numbers here are on the rise. But recently I’ve had a lot of stuff about pagan opening pagan shops come to my attention (mostly via Facebook). It was something I’ve pretty well pushed to the back burner for awhile.

Originally my plan was to have it be me and my best friend, but per usual my older sister had to get involved by showing interest. I have, recently, though booted her out. My younger brother has officially left Wicca and is joining the Kemetic path. I’ve been helping him out as much as possible, but I only know so much. It started with him starting a relationship with Bast, then Anubis has decided to claim him as well. He decided to talk to my sister and my brother-in-law about it. Didn’t go well.

My brother-in-law told him he is crazy for having interactions with Them, and my sister felt the need to tell him his religion has “caused a lot of pain”. My brother-in-law  is one of those that thinks he knows everything. Since my brother decided being pagan was right for him my brother-in-law has been feeding him bullshit information, like him having so many crystals will mess him up. My sister just goes right along with it even though she is not pagan and really knows nothing about any kind of pagan religion except the few questions she has asked me. She just goes with everything he says because that’s the way she has always been. She is very weak of mind, and has no individuality of her own.

By the way, what she meant by “causing a lot of pain” is referring to the Hebrew babies that the Egyptians killed. Now, I can’t speak too terribly much about this since I haven’t really done any historical fact checking about that particular bit from the bible. But lets go with the assumption that it is true. It had absolutely nothing to do with religion. It was about keeping their population down to make sure no uprising could occur. This is the type of stuff she does, jumps on something she really doesn’t understand.

And that is why she will have nothing to do with my shop. I will not have her talk that way or have that kind of energy around my customers. Period.

So…..I went a bit off subject.

Fear.

I am 22 years old and I’ve almost had an anxiety attack over having to set an eye doctor appointment so I can get contacts. Why? Because I have never done it before and didn’t know all they information they needed when I tried to set an appointment online. I have a fear of making myself look or sound like an idiot. Not incredibly rational but there it is. It is also something I will definitely need to get over if I want to go into business for myself one day.

That is really the root of the work Fenrir is doing with me. And he would be an expert about being bound because of fear (not his own fear of course). He says he wants to make me into an Alpha, but really is wanting me to take full control of my life.

Last night when I got The Devil card, it was a “I fucking get it!” moment. Weirded me out though, I have never gotten a tarot card twice in a row like that before, and I did do a thorough shuffle.

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2 thoughts on “Bound

  1. I have anxiety so I know how that feels.
    I also live in the Bible Belt so I know how that goes too.
    I used to be a Kemetic for many years; your sister really needs a history lesson. ;p
    Might I ask if you’ve made any progress with the Wolf tribe of Vanaheim? Is Fenrir helping with that? I find so few people who talk about the Vanic elves specifically. I wonder why more people don’t have experience with them as opposed to the light-alfar and dark-alfar.

    Like

    1. I’m kind of one of those people where I feel the need to do research before diving into something. I very much plan on working with them but for the moment I’m attempting to study up. I bought Visions Vanaheim, probably the only place to find information about the tribes.
      Fenrir is kind of staying out of it for the time being because he knows how I work. I mean, I forced him to wait until I did more research on him.

      Liked by 1 person

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